Settling

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -SATC

Had a dream last night that has stayed on my heart and mind the entirety of the day. What I remember from it is vague, but what has lingered has been the emotional aspect of the sequence. I was at my wedding reception. I had just gotten married, and went into the bathroom before we were to be introduced to all of our family and friends. I stood there and was having a conversation with the ladies about my dress, the day, the love story. I remember saying, "He's great, right?" And let the assurance of these women ease my fears. I knew that I loved him. But I don't remember feeling like I was in love with my new spouse.  One of the women I was speaking with, was the mother of a friend I grew up with, whom I have always respected. She looked at me and said, "You made a choice." 

I woke up. I realized that had settled. I had chosen something less than what I have dreamed and prayed for my entire life. There has been a lot of talk of weddings recently, with helping a friend with centerpieces, to another one anticipating her proposal in the very near future. I understand completely how I dreamt about a wedding. But the purpose of the dream, and my articulation of it here has nothing to do with the wedding. It has to do with the choice. 

While in the car today making way through West Virginia's torrential down pour rain I thought about my dream quite a bit. My thoughts turned into blank stares at the highway before me. My blank stares turned into prayers. That the Lord would protect my heart, and that I would be filled with patience. In the plans and purposes behind the next days, months, and year before me I have desired to seek dreams that have been on my heart for a length of time... and those that have just popped up on the radar. I don't want the easy road. I don't want the predictable plan. I don't want to settle for anything less then my fullest and greatest potential in Christ.

I feel like patience is the running theme of life right now. I desire fully to turn patience as an adjective in my approach, into a verb. I want to live a life full of patience and pursuit of the Spirit. I don't want to be idle, or be passive, that is not what I seek. While being patient, I have sensed how I also feel ready... I feel equipped. 

Above is one of my favorite quotes about settling. I have recited it to friends, I have written about it in my journal, and I have prayed that the Lord would grow me in a way that I would be able to discern what to commit too, who to commit too, and how to live a life of intention and substance. Not to opt out early, and not to choose a path because I am too impatient to wait for the right one to come along.  I want to remember the voice in the dream that spoke in a sense of caution, "you made a choice". 

Settling. I want nothing less then butterflies. That is my choice.