Day by Day

Since my last post I have transitioned into my part time role at the Bank. On Friday afternoon as I ticked the hours down on my work day I was elated that I made the choice that I did. On Saturday I spent the day with Mandy in C'ville and had a great time. It was fun to window shop, and check out the gift stores in the Downtown Mall shopping area and take note of things that I liked, that I plan to investigate more next week at the Gift Show. Later that night I saw Wall-E with Sunshine and Tex, and then returned home to hang out and get some writing done. You know when the end is in sight, but you can't help but slow down instead of speed up to complete something? I am nearing the end of the book that I've been writing, and I have dropped my productivity rate significantly. I'm happy with most of it, but in my mind I know that there is a running list of things I want to change, implement, expand, or delete. I am not satisfied with slowing down, and sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room to round it out...and other times I just want to think some more on it and not rush it. I think I'm also nervous about finishing it because I will miss it, and I don't do really well with endings or with the idea that it will be read and the very intimate process of being vulnerable will then open itself up to criticism and opinion. Right now, its all still very safe in my little world.

I was so excited to get to church on Sunday and see a good friend of mine doing music for the service, who typically attends the Waynesboro sight of Tabernacle. We talked for a little bit, and it was great to touch base and hear his response to my latest idea to go part time and pursue photography with some more intention. I really like my church. I really like that I am comfortable there, even though I still feel like the new kid on the block and not really familiar with everyone who attends. I feel cared for by a couple there who are Young Life friends, and that brings my heart comfort when I am feeling a little out of place or insecure because I've been attending church solo. The affirmation in knowing that Tabernacle is where I am supposed to worship every week has been consistent, but I think in the summer schedule and attending by myself each week has proven to myself that I love it there, and loving it there has nothing to do with whether Tex or Mandy are with me... even if I miss our lunch dates afterwards. My pastor is on sabbatical for the summer, and I'm disappointed selfishly because I really enjoy him and his message each week.

The Lord has answered my prayer in a big way with Tabernacle. When I was traveling and visiting friends I was able to attend some amazing churches, and even scheduled visits to them so that I would be there on a Sunday. I have notes in the Moleskin from messages that touched my heart and challenged me from pastors who are strangers to me. Those visits with those churches always left me aching for something at home that I could feel part of, challenged in, and excited to be in attendance. It was one of the things that I prayed every day about, that the Lord would help me find a church home in Virginia, because lacking that home was a con on my every growing and changing 'pro/con Lexington residence list'.

So yeah. I'm feeling excited about the future. I'm feeling terrified about making the wrong choice. I pray continually for the Lord's will and purpose. I am not going to like, I still seek popular opinion and affirmation. But most of the time? I just want a hug. A good, solid, arms around me, hug with a squeeze that says, "I'm with you on this. I believe in you."