Crushed and Created

Ok. So as previously written, music is a source of oxygen for me. It inspires me. It articulates for me what I am often trying to figure out. I have found my most current life anthem. This year I've had a few... most of them picked out by Tex. His humorous choices for me have included, "Stay" by Lisa Loeb, "See You Again"  by Miley Cyrus, and one that I won't mention because it just makes me mad.

I have a new one. I think if I were to have a video slideshow of my life, this would be the song I'd choose. Obviously that is a strong statement coming from Miss Sappy Song, but its true. I don't think I could write a better one myself if I tried. I listened to the first part of the song and I could swear that it came write out of my journal and conversations that I have had with those I love. I stopped still and I paid careful attention to each word. I wanted to reach through and hug Caitlyn Smith after it was finished because it just moved my heart with such understanding. 

Crushed and Created 

By Caitlyn Smith

Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

And there are times that I've underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it's truth you find, it's innocence you lose

I'm not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I'm not the me that I started with
I'm freer, and I'm wiser, and I'm stronger…

A new song to identify with this time of my life. I am a person of landmarks, anniversaries, dates, beginnings and endings. This month, July is one of great significance. One year since my life took an unknown path in pursuing something different... Three since one life ended and broke my heart... Five since I left Connecticut to start a new adventure in Virginia. 

I'm not the me I started with. I am not the me I was One, Three, or Five years ago. The comfort I draw from being grown, broken, stretched, healed, and loved by Christ has brought me to my knees time and time again. Crushed and Created...  I would never have chosen this place, because I am sure I never would have been brave enough to willingly come this way.  And yet these things have found me. The same things that have haunted and healed my demons and have helped me find my muse. I am emerging.... I am waking up. I am not the me I started with, praise the Lord.