I Want You To Need Me

Today on the river I was laying on the smoothest, softest rock... I crept my toes down to the waters surface fearing its chill, but desiring its refreshment from the sun's heat. My mind raced as I thought of all I have on my heart these days, and I was trying to calm myself down a little bit. I was having a conversation with Jesus that was much like the conversations I have with my friends... once I start talking I keep going a mile a minute, and barely stop to breathe. I don't always give the opportunity for those I am with to interject their thoughts or points of view... I knew that I needed to be quiet... I knew that I had said enough. The lyrics below came to mind, and while its a love song between man and woman, today I heard it as a message of love to me from my God who was trying to speak louder then my ranting, and He was trying to be more tender then my pushing and impatience in the conversation. 

I was still on the rock. I was quiet. My mind slowed down... and I heard:

"Kari, 

I want you to need me 

Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream..."

My response was more then stillness. It was the ache to allow that to happen more. I want to need Christ more then the air I breathe, I want to feel Him in everything, and I want to see Him in every dream. My conversation with Him changed from my constant chatter to prayer... to grow and mature, to change. I cared less about my plea's for insight, direction, or clarity on whatever subject I was wrapped up in my head about. All that was stripped away, and what was left was me in the middle of a moving river, sitting quietly on a rock with my toes playing along the surface of the water... and my most sincere prayer was for Him to show me how to desire Him more. How to want Him more then I do now. More then I wanted Him yesterday. How to see Him in everything. That He would prepare my heart for what I will find when I go to those places trusting and needing only Him. To wanting Him, the way He has always desired me... boldly and completely.