Truth and Lies

Recently the concept of "The Lies We Believe" has become on the forefront of conversation with friends. It has come up more times then I can even count, and I have felt the Lord working in my heart to shed light on areas that I too struggle with this concept, that I just typically ignore or move past. 

Being a girl there are plenty of things that women believe about themselves that are destructive and painful. Self image, self-worth/value, perception of their roles in life, etc. We try our best to combat these lies with the powerful message found in Scripture that tells us that we have value, and that we are Children of the KING. Yet despite the powerful influence of being in the word, or having encouraging people in my life- with enough time around someone I start to obsess about what they obsess over, and I find myself breaking my confidence down into shreds of insecurity and doubt. It pains me to see my friends do this, but ever more when I catch myself having an unhealthy thought about who I am, or what my purpose is.

I have had some really intense conversations the past week and I am thankful that I am someone that can confront conflict, listen to people in their own struggle, be the sounding board…and that I’m challenged to open my heart in return. I think it is in those moments of vulnerability that I have been able to explore the lies that have eaten away at me that I haven’t even noticed. Whether it is the way that I view my body, my personality, my life status, or my future. The pressure I have put on myself in regards to employment is ridiculous, and I know that it is starting to paralyze me. The pressure I have put on myself to be put together or 100% happy is nonsensical and not productive, I am never going to be perfect or happy- I can only hope that I will be content in the Lord’s plan and calling on my life- for that will bring true happiness. I have put pressure on the way that I look, act, the way that I am perceived…and that has compromised the self-awareness that has been fostered by Christ in my life since I started walking with Him over 10 years ago!

Why do I let the lies seep in and cause such destruction?
How can I rise above them and see that there is no real purpose to believing other then what is true: I am a Child of God, I am loved so completely by Him? How can I work on a friendship when I feel that Satan is twisting words and intentions and nothing productive is being grown out of the different points of view? How can I love my friends better as to encourage them and live an example, so that their struggles do not become my own simply by osmosis?

I have no real answers, other then to keep loving. To love the friend that is struggling, to pray for their insecurity, to guard my own heart from it becoming part of me. To love the friend that feels strongly about something that isn't true and consequently has hurt me. To keep seeking out Scripture and Christ to use as the litmus test against the lies that Satan is trying desperately for us to buy into. It is my prayer that as I go through and past these lies that I will stay focused on what is true, and that I will have friends in my life to hold that truth accountable and sacred. 

The Invitation

I googled the definition of the word "question", and one of the definitions in the verb tense of the word is: "to examine (a witness, for example) by questioning, interrogate." There was a link to the meaning of 'ask'- and one definition there was: "to invite".

How often do we ask questions that matter? And how often to we wage what the value some relationships have in our lives against the pursuit of more in conversation?

Questions. I have this friend in my life who has this way of asking me questions that stir the pot. The points are made, and the insight is given- but the places this friend takes me in my heart and mind are rather uncharted. It's not like I never thought something all the way through, or that they (the actual probe) are brilliant and call me to dark hidden places I've never ventured. The fact is, the places are not all that hidden and the questions aren't always brilliant-sometimes they are just invitations. They invite myself to a different place, a different point of view, and they begin the process of articulation. They stir thoughts and feelings about whatever the topic is that we're addressing in conversation--but what do they leave when I walk away? You know, besides the inevitable vulnerability and nakedness of exposing my heart, I know that one thing that I am left with is the accountability to the darkness. The truth of the matter, what lingers beyond the surface...it doesn't matter what the friend thought my answer would be compared to what my response actually was. There is a light that is turned on. A different journey in awareness in initiated. 

Who in  your life pursues you in conversation in such a way you can't escape them? In turn, you aren't really connecting them to you by being vulnerable, what you are really doing is beginning the process of connecting yourself to your inner dialogue, and getting that out of your being. The accountability begins in the articulation- to be better then your feelings, to get them out of your heart and into the air...and not that the words will magically change the circumstance or that the conversation alone will ease hurts or pains...but something changes-and often times what changes is significant.

I have noticed this in myself the past few months. In traveling and being in and out of the home there are a thousand questions that are asked in my first few days of being home, for example:

"How was Gracie?"

"Did they come and fix that?

"When will we see each other?"

They cover the bases and start the process of connecting us to each other. After all the surface topics are covered then the opportunity to go deeper develops--typically with "How are you with that? How do you feel about that? Really, how do you really feel?" It is impossible for me to avoid the ever present question of my life "Now that you are back from Thailand, what is next? Employment? Where? How are you feeling about that?"

The strangest thing about all of those things is that I know that my answers are often short and not substantial. I turn that table very quickly and ask you how you are- I make it possible for you to vent, talk about your life and I think somewhere in there the places in my heart that I challenge in my solo travel start to hide, I focus on you more...and I lose part of myself. 

I have always been the 'therapist'. It is a role I gladly take on, and can fill with purpose and objectivity. Sometimes people can't stand this part of who I am, but for the most part its just one of the gifts the Lord has given me. I try my best to be compassionate and to be honest with my friends and family about my point of view, although its difficult to not be Miss Judgemental or Put Together...because nothing could be further from the truth. I have been this way for as long as I can remember and often times I thought about pursuing a Doctorate in Psychology because of the role I tend to play in my friendships. I am lucky that despite this particular trait I have, that I have some amazing friends in my life that I am cared and loved for by well. I think I have noticed though the comfort I take in having this purpose, how being someone that everyone can talk to about their struggles has left little opportunity for me to be the one vulnerable at the table. 

How many people can say that they know me? How many people can I say that I have let in? How long is it going to take for that to change? How many people do we allow ourselves to be invited to be more with? Do we recognize the friend that stops by in a moment and asks us about our day? Do we take that and desire more then just talking about the weather? Do we ache for something bigger? Do we find comfort in having as few people as possible know what we are struggling with? Do we think that life would be better or different if someone pursued us and asked us things that matter?

After all this coming and going and all the hours in travel I have spent so much time on my own. I have enjoyed the experience of independence and freedom. I have loved the people watching and encounters with strangers. Was part of it the comfort of not being the therapist? Was there comfort in having time to spend with just me, just my thoughts, just my dreams, and just my struggles? Was getting away more about seeing what was out there? Or was it about finding myself without distraction in the scenery and culture of new places? 

I want desperately to connect myself to more. I want to know that at the end of the day that I am someone who matters and that is  more then just a sounding board. I don't want to say this outloud because I fear people will close up and change. I had an experience with a friend like that. I wanted a more balanced friendship, and pointed a light on that- and while they changed and invested in me a different way, there was a slow death to them. They started closing up. and they started pulling away. It was so slow that I didn't even notice it at first, I just felt so content in having someone to share my real self, real life, real joy and struggles with. I felt sad that as I connected the dots the past was illuminated with opportunities I knew that something was off but didn't say anything. My point is not that I don't want to be the person that my friends  seek to talk to, or that they would not ask me for my point of view. I want to share it, I care about my friendships and their lives so of course I want to share what I think: I'm outspoken. 

I think my point really is that we all want the invitation. We all want to be cared for and pursued. We are all broken and we are all hurting. We all live our lives doing the status quo and moving a million miles per hour and we rarely stop. Even in my adventure of travel, I kept this ridiculous pace that astonishes me now that I was able to keep it up! In community of friends we want to know that we matter, and we want to know that we are going to be cared for and loved. My epiphany is that the community that I love and I am active in needs to be better...and remaining in the role I both create for myself and am given the opportunity to live in I don't allow much room for my answers to be heard. I don't leave much of myself on the table, I take on what everyone gives me...and I keep moving. I instead find myself thinking things through on piers, beaches, airplanes, and trains. 

So, this friend that stirs the pot? They will continue to do so. I will continue to answer, freak out, grow and be vulnerable. I will continue to trust that my answers are accepted and are going to be kept safe...and that getting myself out of myself will create a lighter burden, because we are all in this together. And this friendship that I wanted to more of a two way street and in turn they started listening and started silencing themselves? Well, I will try to ask my questions, and I will try to facilitate a balance. No one wants to be the needy one in a two person equation. But I think sometimes to get through to what waits for us in life the balancing act has to be perfected, the dance needs to be choreographed, and most of all- we have to invite. We have to invite the opportunity to be open, and we have to care more about the real things and real conversation of substance and vulnerability then we do about talking about work, the weather, or the weekend. 

"You got inside my head, I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead. I still see your reflection inside of my eyes, that are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life."

Keep Your Eyes On Me. this love.

I am home. I survived the 24+ hour travel experience back from Bangkok to Virginia. The flights went well and I was thankful that the delay I had in Seoul did not mess up my connection from Atlanta to Richmond. It was a whirl of thoughts and feelings as each hour passed, and it was difficult to settle my mind enough to sleep on the plane for any substantial amount of time. When I arrived in Richmond the crisp air felt much colder then my particular liking and it was strange being back on the right side of the road while in the car. Tex and Joel picked me up at the airport and it was fun to talk endlessly in the car. I was just so stinkin excited to be home...I couldn't believe that I was actually back from Thailand, or that I had even been gone for four weeks. Dinner was delicious as Matt had made Hamburgers, French Fries, and Funfetti cake. Could a girl ask for anything better? I stayed up until about 11pm and woke up at 7am yesterday. I couldn't sleep any more and stayed awake. I went to the Y, went to camp, grocery shopped, and then returned home for more unpacking and house dinner- I was trying desperately to feel 'normal', so I even made my Salsa!

I think the best way to describe how I am feeling is 'a fish out of water'. I thought that returning home would make me feel like a fish IN water...the usual comfort zone, my bed, my house, my friends. But I will be honest...I feel disjointed, a bit out of place and that is a little disconcerting. Today I slept in past 8am which was a comfort because my body is just so tired and my sense of time is so completely off. I had purpose in the house today in continuing to organize my life here, started the laundry and had lunch. I am going to the Y in a bit which will be great to exert some energy, and then its Pizza Night at the Boys House.

They say sometimes you don't know what you have until its gone, the grand perspective of loss brings into focus how you felt about something, someone or someplace. I think that this is true in distance because when I was in Thailand I had a firm grip on how I felt about my home and my relationships. Not being able to pick up the phone whenever I wanted, or to reach out my hand to touch a friend was a clear ache at times. I never considered coming home early and I never thought myself to be miserable with homesickness. I could best describe it as saying that I was acutely aware of the goodness of my life, and also the goodness of Western Modern Society that we all enjoy by living in this country (like bathrooms!).

During the struggle of getting through the cultural and language barriers I was thankful for Tiffany who was able to understand that point of view, or talking to Betty Cabell and joking about something we thought to be ridiculous or difficult. In being submersed in a country that does not have Christianity as their cornerstone I relied heavily on the truth that I believe and the simple message of Christ's purpose and Salvation. I sought the Lord in ways that I am not stretched to while being in Virginia.

As you know I am very song oriented and there is one song by Leann Rimes that really speaks to how I felt about the Lord and my emotional journey the past four weeks, and beyond. A little tid bit of the lyrics are below:

"In every life there are detours on dirt gravel roads,
Sometimes it feels like there's just no right way to go,
There'll be times you'll go crazy,
And times you'll break down,
Always something that stands in your way...

Just keep your eyes on me
Never lose sight of me
This love
Nothing can come between
Us when we're following
This love."

When out of my comfort zone I tend to center in and get very focused on how to control my environment to either change it, or change me. There were plenty of times that I sensed this focus come to play as Tiffany was our host, and we went with her itinerary for us. Each stop was worth it, and I don't regret anything we saw or did. But as expectations started to mirror reality I sensed my heart that sought comfort, turning more to seeking Christ. And what I heard Him saying, and what I felt resonating was not to run in the opposite direction, or to feel the struggle it was simple, and it was all that mattered, and it was Kari, "Just keep your eyes on me. Never lose sight of me. This love. Nothing can come between us". It's simple, its true...and in this journey of my life right now I turn to that truth more and more as I work my way through what is going to happen next.

I have wondered and prayed countless times about the direction I am going to go in next. "If I could do anything tomorrow, what would I do?"...my first answer was "Leave Property Staff and Travel". Now its 6 months later and its time to set in motion the next part of this life and I am continually amazed at how wide open my heart is and how completely unknown the next week is going to look. Starting with a job search I feel comfort in the very normal notion of applying for employment and seeing who responds to me as an applicant. The Lord has affirmed my desire for roots, so I am going to be exploring the jobs in Lexington area before indulging the gypsy heart I have in pursuing other locations outside of Virginia. I can't imagine packing a single box to move anywhere, but that doesn't mean that's not what might happen. I thought before that because I couldn't visual something it would mean that obviously that wasn't going to happen. I realize now how naive and foolish that notion is. Perhaps in letting go of what I can visual and plan in my mind I will allow the Lord more room to grow me and stretch me...but I'll be honest I'm hoping that the challenge that life is will be contained in my current zip code.

Friends have often remarked that they can't imagine the pace I have had going since August, or how I occupy my days in Lexington not working. Truth of the matter is, traveling, visiting friends and family...spending time alone...just being in transit has been exhausting. It has been stimulating and it has been grand...but the time at home- well the little time I've had at home has always provided a moments rest that has been priceless. Now that home is the purpose of life again, I can sense the things about me that have been changed and the ways that I have grown in all the time I have spent away. I have seen the gradual changes in relationships that have felt the burden of my absence, and I have enjoyed the significant changes in other relationships that have grown up and through the challenge of my schedule.

Just keep your eyes on me. Never lose sight of me. This love.

The Lord has been good to me in my life, and He has never left me. I am thankful for my Faith, and even thankful for my doubts as I have worked through my questions and growing pains. I pray that I am able to continue to shift my eyes from focusing on things that do not matter and things that I cannot change, to what the Lord will have for me when I create the space in my heart and life to not manipulate my desires. I seek His will while pursuing the dreams He has planted into my heart and nurtured through the years. I will keep my eyes on Him. I will try to never lose sight of Him. This love, has its hold on me and I don't want to let it go. Sometimes we have to travel down the road to the home of a friend to realize in conversation what the Lord has done for us in our lives. Other times we need to go across the globe and visit a country that is so completely different then our own- and you let those people penetrate your heart...and you begin to peel back the layers of life and you can see what the Lord is doing in your life you never would have seen...Thailand will always be that place for me, and I will always be grateful for the adventure in seeing their landscape, but also for the emotional journey being challenged and grown did for my heart and relationship with Christ.

amazed

A lot of thoughts creep into my mind as I sit here in my hotel room. I have with moderate success stuffed everything I need to return with me home tonight into two suitcases, and now am debating the ever plaguing question "what to wear today, what to wear during travel?". There is a carefully selected pile of items sitting on the bed just waiting for me to decide what its going to be.

While I debate the clothing options, I also have been debating the itinerary for the day. Where to have breakfast/lunch, pool, last minute souvineir shopping, etc... I have to be out of my room at noon, but I don't have to check into my flight until 10pm. This leaves for plenty of time during the day to relax and have one last Thailand adventure. 

I have been thinking about this day for a long time. It should be no surprise to me that it has in fact arrived, but yet the reality of its precence continues to be a little unsettling. I have not been able to sleep very well this past week and as each night ticks down on my stay here the sleeping has been less. The dreams are strange and disjointed a bit and don't make a ton of sense. 

How to describe what I've seen and tasted, touched and smelled? I sent the last of my postcards yesterday and while I knew that I would make it home far before they would, there was comfort in one last sweep of writing some addresses and trying desperately to narrow my scattered thoughts into articulating what you would see if you were here. 

I am looking forward to getting home and having the slow process of peeling back the layers in my memory of what this adventure to Thailand will mean to me in the future. Few things in life can be simple, and I would never describe this adventure as that- I do know that the way that I feel about it can come down to one adjective and one verb: Amazed and Changed. 

Amazed that seven months ago Tiffany came to visit and started the thought rolling "Hey, BC we should go to Thailand".

Amazed that when the decision to leave Property Staff became a concrete plan that the timing for this trip too would be cemented into the ever changing intinarery for my time of travel.

Amazed that I was able to survive all the curves in the road (I mean that both literally for the motorbike, and figurately for the emotional challenges). 

I am amazed at the countless moments that I had to stop and take a moment to remember to breathe in deeply because the view was far more beautiful then I dared to dream. 

I am changed by the conversations I had with people I had never met, and the ways I worked through the language barrier to connect to someone. I am changed by the man on Phi Phi talking about the Tsunami. I am changed by visiting the Lisu Village and being loved by them in such a gracious way. I am changed by the challenges in traveling with three friends and all that comes with that. 

I am amazed simply by being here, and I am changed by letting this country and its people into my heart.

So today my last day here in Bangkok I am perplexed by the movement of time...and I am proud that I completed this trip and lived each day to the fullest. I am thankful for the connection to home modern technology has provided to comfort this sappy heart, and I am thankful for the distance being in Southeast Asia provided to gain some abstract perspective on my life.

I have thought often of how to have roots and wings, and I know that I've also talked about it quite a bit in conversation and in writing. I would love to say that the past six months have shown me how to accomplish this vision of being rooted in one place, while having wings to be free and explore at the same time. I would also love to say that the Lord has painted on my heart the purpose for the future and has emailed me the detailed instructions...but that is just simply ridiculous. 

The mystery in roots and wings continue to unfold as I make my way through the challenge of it. What I have sensed is my heart's desire to be still in one place that is of my own. To let the chips fall where they may and try and see if in doing so, more is revealed. One thing I always noticed, appreciated, and even struggled with by being on Property Staff was the notion of so much of what I did full time had so much to do with WHO I was. My relationship with Christ, the way I participated in community were enormous parts of my job-our lives on Staff consumed all personal relationships outside of camp, we were in a sense our own Island...and while being in a creative position at camp all the other parts of my energy were also utilized. In the months and even the year leading up to my decision to leave Camp I struggled with the idea of doing anything else. Where else would my gifts be utilized in such an all encompassing way? 

What has been given to me is not the answer to the question I so desired to have concluded. What came was the notion that I may never have an employment experience like Young Life again, and while I did give my whole heart to my position...that the time to give my heart to other things has come- possibly including a job that may never encompass all things I love. The opportunity to be creative in other places will come as I will seek to be stimulated and fulfilled in life, and if that energy is not being drained by my source of employment- I will continue to be happy...I will continue to be challenged. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. So as I think about what the next step is going to be, I find myself relieved that the greatest purpose for it is not to live out some grand professional goal: its simply to be in community with people I love, having a daily purpose outside of myself...to use my strengths and continue to work out my weaknesses and to meet who the Lord seeks me to love and encourage for Him.

I don't know how long my residence in Lexington, Virginia will last. The Lord has blessed me with finances that make it possible for me to sustain myself without the need of well paying employment as I figure out what I'm going to end up doing. If you had asked me in July what I thought January would look like after Thailand, I never would have described it as it is. I wouldn't change it, and I have not for a single second regretted my decision to leave Rockbridge. Comfort floods me as I think about this time in my life and satisfaction that I lived a very large dream in a very large way...

I am simply and amazed and changed by it all...and because of all of you. 

Catching Up Still...

I continue to play catch up on this blog... since my last post I have moved to Hong Kong, but let me first recount the past week. 

Friday we were leaving at 6pm for Kanchanaburi to stay the night and rent motorbikes on Saturday. The ride out there was 2 hours on a bus and it wasn't a pleasure cruise, but it was only $3USD. I can't complain. We were able to secure a room at a guest house and we all hunkered down for the night. Saturday morning we woke up and got breakfast before picking up our motorbikes. The ride from where we were to the waterfalls we wanted to see would take about an hour and a half. Having rented scooters in Key West once I felt fairly comfortable on the bike, and all in a row we headed up to the waterfalls. 

I looked back and BC was gone from my rear view, so I alerted Tiffany and she turned around (we were traveling up the mountain and the curves were sharp). As I was also turning around a car who wasn't paying attention ran me off the road, I hit gravel and went down the ditch. Tiffany didn't see this happen, but the car that nearly killed me stopped and pulled me out and got the bike out. I was shaken up, in a shock, but the family who were in the car apologized so profusely and gave me water, and told me that they were going to alert my friends that I was staying put. I am beat up, sore, and my right arm has a really nasty scrape in it. BUT the good news is that I am otherwise fine.

 

I realized that Tiffany and BC still had not come back, and then I heard sirens. I drove back to see what was happening- and saw BC on the ground with paramedics and Thai police. She was back braced and taken to the emergency room, and we (Tiffany and I)  were graciously given transportation to the hospital from an couple there. They even coordinated getting our bikes picked up and returned to the place we rented from!

 

She has 14 stitches above her left eye brow, and is pretty shaken by the experience. I had my scratches looked at at the hospital with her. She lost control of her bike, and can't remember most of the accident. So we are just thankful that she is OK. We made it back to Bangkok Saturday evening and headed to the fancy hospital on Sunday. BC was cleared for flying home that evening and her CT scan did not show any head trauma. We were very thankful!

 

I could list on and on about how the Lord took care of us, and how well we were loved by strangers who couldn't speak English. In the same note I could also tell you how scary it was seeing BC back braced and taken away, or the scare in thinking that the car was going to hit me.

 

Sunday night BC was returning to the States as planned, and I was preparing for my Monday flight to Hong Kong. I had booked a hotel by the airport to assist with our flight arrangements. We took BC to the airport at 10:30pm, and I stayed with her until she had to go through security. I went back to my room, and for the first night in three weeks I was alone. No one down the hall, no one in my room- or sharing my bed. It took me awhile to fall asleep and I struggled with needing rest but having my mind racing. On Monday morning I woke up, packed up and went to the airport for my flight to Hong Kong. 

Since arriving in Hong Kong I have made it to Disneyland. I got a free room upgrade so I have this very posh bathroom and I love it. This morning I got up and headed into the park and just laughed most of the day. I met all the characters, people watched, and rode on Space Mountain with JOY. I thought often that my life is ridiculous and random, but I love Disney so I had to come check out their park here! Later in the day I left the park and got on the MTR (their train system), and went to the mall for Starbucks, magazine reading, and a movie. 

It was the most typical thing for me to do in the States so it brought great comfort to do the same little routine so far away. Honesty, if not for the signage being in both English and Chinese characters I would have thought I was in a metropolitan city in the US. As I was leaving the Movie I ran into the gourmet market and grabbed breakfast stuff for tomorrow and some Coke Zero. It felt normal and typical for me to be doing such things....and that was a little creepy. I navigated myself back to the hotel here at Disneyland and was so impressed with my skills I couldn't help but smile as I entered my room. 

Traveling in Southeast Asia has been full of joys and challenges. I have been stretched and pulled in so many directions that I had some anxiety leaving Thailand. At least there I knew how to say Hello and Thank You in Thai! I feared not being able to communicate here, but have found that because I'm staying at a Hotel, they speak English! As did all the people at Starbucks and the Movies. The joy this brings to my heart cannot be articulated!

I am now sitting in my room, loving the upgrade and looking at all my photos from the day. Tomorrow I am going to head back into Hong Kong city and see more of the sights, and then come back to see the fireworks show at Disneyland. My itinerary is loose for the next few days and I am pleased with the open air of it all. I miss traveling with BC, as I think she'd love this. However, in light of her injuries I am thankful that she home safe and sound. 

I am feeling much better- my bruises are pretty cruel looking, and the scrape on my arm is starting to itch, which is good- that means its healing. I am thankful that BC and I were not seriously injured. So that's the latest. I'm happy, and I am really enjoying Hong Kong quite a bit. 

It's Been Awhile...

So I have been busy. I have been distracted. And I have been unable to figure out how to articulate to the world what I have been seeing. 

In thinking about the trip this far the best word I can come up with to describe the point of view I have about the experience has been the word: Submersion. Since getting off the plane in December I have been thrown into this country in a way I never could have predicted. While the adjustment took a lot longer then I personally thought for myself, and my reaction to the difference in lifestyle and culture really did make such an impact. 

Now that I'm more relaxed I can sense things about myself returning that got suppressed in the adjustment. I have enjoyed the modern part of Bangkok quite a bit, and finding my way around the Movie Theatre, crossing the street, deciding where to eat have proven to be less stressful- because I have been able to focus and not feel so overwhelmed here. While I could not imagine living here full time, and I have such respect for Tiffany and the teachers she works with--I can see how giving the transition time, you could get accustomed to the different way of life. 

Since returning to Bangkok from the Island, we have said goodbye to Mark and started the long list of things we wanted to do and places we wanted to see. On Saturday we went to the JJ Market, which is this ENORMOUS market full of EVERYTHING. I found some great silk scarves (I CAN'T WAIT to wear them in the cooler weather at home!), some jewelry, a funny tshirt, kitchen things, etc...we spent a good half day there and BC is already suggesting we return there on Sunday (it's a weekend Market only). 

After the Market we met up with Ve (Tiffany's Thai friend whom we've quickly adopted as our new BFF), and went to "Newsong". It was a contemporary Christian worship service and I really enjoyed it. The worship was led in English, and they included classic songs like "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever", etc... The message was translated in Thai along side of the English presentation and while that was an adjustment to hear both, it provided a resting place after each thought so that the message could really sink in. I ended up writing first reactions and thoughts in my journal in the breaking moment, which was really neat because you don't always get that first reaction POV when the preacher keeps rolling.  His message was apropos for BC and I in its direction towards "What's Next, 2008?" As BC prepares to graduate Law School and take the Bar (and PASS we pray)- and I continue to contemplate what the Lord would have for my future post property staff...its true What is Next. His encouragement to go with the flow, and allow God's best work to be done when we jump in and ride and not control was really important for me to hear. I felt like the past months have been such a beautiful example of being able to let God lead me in my travels, in who I visit- how I have been encouragement to those friends and family and have likewise fine tuned my dreams, seen what the future can hold, and have allowed such growth. Surely I can find peace in seeing that ability to go with it, now I just have to continue to seek Christ.

On Sunday we hung out and got moved out of Nichada (we were staying at Tiff's friends townhouse while they were in the States for the Holiday's). We moved into her school and have been here since. That evening BC, Ve, and I figured we would go do shopping, and see a movie- and grab Pizza Hut for dinner! The movie was Across the Universe, and we loved it. 

Monday was DAY ONE of exploring Bangkok without Tiffany, and we did well. We grabbed the Water Taxi and headed towards the Grand Palace, The Emerald Buddha, and The Reclining Buddha. I have lots of thoughts on each of those stops- but the 2 main ones are: 

1) Beautiful. The architecture and detail were astounding. The time and energy put into the Temples is reflected in the excellence. 

2) Sadness. While sitting inside the Emerald Buddha I tried to absorb the images I saw on the inside (you can't take photos inside), and I would just stare at the walls and each feature of the room. But then my attention shifted to the people inside praying to the Buddha and my heart as sad. I was sad that I know Christ and they don't. And while their devotion is exceptional to their belief system, I wanted to tell each and every one of them that they are missing the Truth...and that made me sad. The idols, the donations, the devotion to a green little Buddha isn't going to secure them anything...and I left wanting to save the Nation of Buddhist believers.

Tuesday we went to Vimanek Mansion which is the largest Teak Wood Home, and it was AMAZING. Probably my favorite stop so far. The houses surrounding the Mansion were filled with Royal Artifacts, and I loved loved looking at the silks, textiles, photos from the King's private collection, etc...I loved this place. And would tell anyone to go. BC and I both left with such an appreciation for the Thai Royal Family! In the evening we went to a posh restaurant with Ve and Tiffany and LOVED LOVED it. Probably one of the best meals I have ever had, the best ambiance, it was just fantastic! 

Wednesday we traveled a distance to to the National Museum which was not much to write home about. Reading the history of Thailand was interesting, but the Museum could improve the presentation of the art a bit. We went to Siam Paragon (the fancy mall) for a late lunch, grabbed a movie (National Treasure: yay America), and then headed back to Tiffany's.

Today is a quiet day which is wonderful. Slept in this morning, going to lunch at Tiffany's favorite place- and then maybe get a manicure. We've been pushing ourselves really hard so this slower day is a welcome change.

Hope you are all well- happy, safe, and healthy!

Back from Island Life

So we had quite the adventure today. Because of human error on our part we missed our flight from Krabi to Bangkok. Now, this would typically not be a huge thing, but all the flights were booked out and Air Asia does not offer standby. To add into this drama, Mark is departing from Bangkok tomorrow at midnight and we had to get him back into the city! V, Tiffany's Thai friend who traveled with us to Phi Phi, had booked a bus ticket for herself to return Bangkok. Because of the uncertain arrangements the four of us had in our return we did the best we could think of, and that was send Mark in place of V on the 12 hour bus ride back to our home base.

Betty Cabell, Tiffany, V and I headed to the airport in hopes of securing a flight, a van/driver situation, bus, SOMETHING to get us home. Tiffany spoke wonders with the Air Asia sales lady and somehow got standby tickets for a sold out flight. We grabbed lunch and waited until 6:05pm to find out if we were going to get on the flight, and I was so nervous waiting! The waiting paid off, and all four of us were cleared. There was not a single seat on the flight empty, and while we were grateful for getting on the flight, it was hard not to feel sad for Mark b/c he was alone on an overnight 12 hour bus ride...we got off lucky- our flight was only an hour and twenty minutes! Oh the adventures.

The rest of the Island trip was beautiful. Lots of beaches, an adventurous snorkeling trip, went to Maya Bay where the film "The Beach" was made. Took lots of photos, and overall just really enjoyed my time there. We brought in 2008 with a bang on the beach with fireworks, weird dancers on a stage, and lots of people watching...lots and lots of people watching. 

Mark returns to the States tomorrow, and Betty Cabell and I enter in our last week together. My itinerary for post Bangkok is changing a bit as I investigate some other places to visit before returning home 1/21. 

Hope everyone is well!