shine.

"It is easy to acknowledge, but almost impossible to realize for long, that we are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright,

is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us."

-C.S. Lewis

For the past few mornings I have woken up to watch the sunrise- only to find the rising sun masked by a heavy blanket of Tokyo fog. Perhaps part of this driving force to wake up comes from the remembered goodness of Santorini last summer and wanting to connect to something authentically beautiful. However there is more to it then that.

I have always always loved Sunsets. I have written about them, and I have hundreds of captured images of the sun falling into the ocean for a long nights rest. I wrote last year in an email to a friend the epiphany I had about the difference between my love of sunsets, and their love of sunrises. I was able to understand in myself that I love the closing of a day, I love the promise of the next one. I love knowing it all begins again. I noticed in my friend how it made sense that they would love sunrises. They are eternally hopeful. I could appreciate that by watching the sun rise in the morning that they don't have to wait to know that tomorrow could or might be better- they get to see it unfold and know for certain that the sun did rise, and that each day is another gift. I have always waited. My hope has rested in the promise as the sun says goodnight. They were silent before it, their hope lived in the arrival in the new day. What I loved about watching the Sunrise last year while on Santorini was the silence. You could hear each wave hit the shore, and in between you could hear your own heart beat. There is an uncanny attention in silence when we first wake up. No wonder the best times with the Lord are in the early morning hour before all the noise pollutes our ears and distracts our spirits.

It may have taken me a really long time to get to this place... but the greatest thing about waking up the past morning and gazing into the movement of the Tokyo Bay has been the clarity and the conviction that has come. The sky has turned from its darkness of night to a bright hazy day, and even though I have not seen the sun introduce itself, I know it has come.

I begin the long journey home in about 24 hours my time. I will be returning to Eastern Standard Time. I will in fact be going back in time... but this heart that has learned and felt so much in the creases of each day, the love of those cuddled with, and the stillness of the past few days alone does not want to lose what I learned in the time change. I do not know the capacity in which this adventure will be shared, or whom I will sit before and talk about the details. I do not know many things about the future. But I do know a few things for certain.

The Call was Love.
I was productive and I was used.
I was vulnerable and I was restored.
I was broken and I was healed.
I was tired and I was given rest.
I was joyful and I was blessed.
I was still before the Lord and I was able to hear.
I was away and I came not back, but To.

Last summer I woke up to take pictures of the sunrise for a beloved friend. I walked away knowing more about the friendship because I was able to understand our differences. A year later (almost exactly), my heart after all of this time feels more hope and joy in watching the day begin then I ever have in watching it end. I may have taken a long time to get here, and I may be influenced by someone who has always loved them- but I got to this place finally able to hear the authentic voice that comes with stillness and silence before a waking day. I found it in Faith, but I was able to recognize it in Love. (aren't you proud?)

The cage is gone. Wings are flight. This smile, is shining bright.