Joy Upon Arrival.

This morning I woke up earlier then normal and went about my routine. I admit after some time reflecting I closed my book and journal and complained about what was waiting for me this morning. My complaining was a reflection of my day yesterday, and as soon as the thoughts exited my mouth I regretted them. I caught myself and told the person I was speaking to that I realized I was being ridiculous (an act of growth in recent weeks) and preceded to walk down the hallway and into the preschool room.

I was touched and beside myself when Mathias who is being adopted and his forever family came to the facility today ran up to me, threw up his arms and wanted to be held for a full on hug. When I put him down then Philip, his best friend and brother in foster care wheeled over in his precious chair and with equal enthusiasm shared his joy in my arrival.

I had a day yesterday in that I felt emotional broken and beaten down by circumstances I left at home. For the first time since my arrival I wasn't chasing down jet lag, and I wasn't riding on the thrill of a new adventure... I was me in China, and I was still dealing with the Me that left the States. And I was sad. I was overwhelmed leaving for this trip and I was fairly emotionally exhausted, even though I was given some purpose and direction as far as an action plan in regards to the confusion... but yet sometimes when common logic is missing, and what you know is often not reflected in what you feel... you sit and just feel sad. I think this led me to the realization that of all of my traveling in the past couple of years, this is the first time I have actually felt alone. Without the Facebook access here in China, I cannot upload pictures and have that connection to home. And there isn't iChatting to coordinate to meet up over breakfast/late night snacks. My email has been quiet for the most part and I have missed some people very much and have just hurt for wanting to connect. In many ways I am completely in my element here. I am being stretched yes, but I am also being used. I know how to function in a team, I understand what makes one successful, I am being trusted with choices and directions, and mostly I am being used in the facility of love- to nurture, to challenge, and to be honest. Yet... when continents collide and I am found empty and without much nourishment the sadness came.

Today however I woke and in my quiet and anxiety I wondered if today was going to be like yesterday and I asked for guidance, and I asked for comfort. Before I was able to wait to see if either would appear I spoke, in fear. But 10 steps later two giggling boys exclaimed joy in my presence. I felt encouraged to remember to exclaim and live joy. To stay focused on the truth, to speak in Love, and to remember in small moments we find the courage to move into the larger ones.

Included is a picture of my friend Philip outside in the rain. Today we learned about rain and the weather, and we decided that in light of the pouring down rain what better way to learn about rain- then to PLAY in it. So we jumped and we ran, and we laughed, and we played... and we (adults) became child like in our joy for simple pleasures and miraculous wonders of nature. It was a great moment in my heart.

Two little boys giggled when I arrived to class today. They found Joy in my arrival. How I need to learn to continue to be joyful in all circumstances, for in each sunrise a new day begins- its a promise kept, that the darkness did break, the morning did come and that he will be with us, that in our sadness we will know love and in love we can express joy... Yes, I thought of all of these things simply from walking through a door to begin a new day with my new precious friends, all the way around the world.