The Call is Love.

Robert and Ethan

Are best friends. They go everywhere with together. I sometimes liken them to the 'two peas in a pod', Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, or a beloved returning favorite, Buzz Lightyear and Woody. I can't imagine seeing one without the other. When riding on the bicycle with training wheels, Ethan leads the mission with Robert sitting on the back with his feet neatly placed on the training wheels brace. Because Ethan can't do a full pedal motion with Robert hanging on the back, he goes back and forth in an up and down motion so as to move them forward and keep the adventure going. Today I was hanging out in the "tree house/play house" in the preschool room and watched them play with each other, both with their aprons on cooking, up a storm and serving their 'guests'. I imagined myself a little girl in Ridgefield playing in the back yard with my own personal play house that was made to replicate the larger home we all lived in, and I spent countless hours pretending. Creating worlds that did not exist to my older siblings or parents. Dreaming of what life had in store and all that would unfold later.

The call here in China is simple. Love. It's what matters most and it is what lives on and multiplies in our lifetimes. Yesterday afternoon I met Robert and Ethan, and today I got to know them. They are quirky and fun, and full of life as they navigate the social scene in their school and home environment. They are my favorites.

The story will change on Thursday. Ethan is getting adopted. Ethan is going to what the staff call, his 'forever home'. Robert will be here. I know that they are preschoolers, and I know that they will not remember much of this time. And yet I sit here tonight knowing that I will remember these days of their years. I will remember Ethan being picked up by his new parents, and I will remember going into class the next day and hanging out with Robert as he experiences his first day without his best friend. In so many ways my heart knows exactly what he will feel like. And I know that the expanse of time will come and routine will help... but sometimes you just want someone to hold you and remind you, that you are loved and to not give up.

This had me thinking today about all the friends I have had in my life, those who have exited as quickly as they entered, those who have completely changed the course of my life, and the others whom I fight fiercely to hold onto. I wondered who I missed when I was four after they moved to a new town, or who held my hand on the way to the playground knowing I was sad for such a particular reason. Who holds onto those days for me. In many circumstances we can associate those nuances of life with our parents. They were there. They know. However I am learning more and more recently, how often I felt more alone then not.

Ethan is going to his forever home. Robert remains. The future is unknown for both but yet we are hopeful. Robert has a life threatening heart condition and his life expectancy is not long. You would not know it by meeting him, and you cannot imagine it after holding his hand and heart for a little while each day. I came into this time emotionally exhausted and ultimately confused and sad. I will not be leaving less tired, but I will be leaving different. Love is what matters most. Joy is what we choose. Friendships have to change because life is constantly moving. There is an unexplainable order to this chaos.

Robert and Ethan in this way will always be best friends even if their time together is drawing near. I will be their memory keeper even in this most small and minute way. Despite a language barrier, and age difference: Love is love. We know it when its real, and its the one thing we wish we fought harder for when its gone. I am learning a lot about love and relationships here across the world, but mostly I am learning things about myself that are introducing the Me I arrived, to the me I was when I was 5- a few of the future untarnished by difficulty or family drama trauma... and I am noticing that I came hoping for one thing, but am receiving so much more then I can even begin to unpack in this message alone.