you.are.loved.

oh the josh groban concert.

Of the moments and memories made yesterday the most poignant came from what I knew was going to be my favorite song performed. I knew that the setlist was probably available online but I had made a decision early on not to cheat and look at it. I had a secret list in my head that I wanted to hear. In person. Live in the arena. Three of the four songs were all from previous albums. I knew that I would fall off my chair if what would be five and six on my list were performed (In Her Eyes, When You Say You Love Me... but they are not radio singles so I didn't set Josh up for failure by expecting them).

1) You Are Loved

2) Higher Window

3) February Song

4) You Raise Me Up

He had me on the first note. First moment. I think I may have fallen in love instantly. Which judging from the fact I was one of the youngest people there, I'd say chances are good he was connecting with me in the audience specifically.

In recollection I can't tell you the day, experience or time when 'You are Loved' became sort of an anthem (though now that I think about it, was it Easter 2008?). It became a signature statement between two best friends. It was used in moments of sincerity to push one of the two of them forward, and to remind the other that regardless of the journey- neither of them were alone. I have cards, and emails written between those two friends and many of them include,

"You are not alone. You are loved. You are prayed for and thought of."

In many moments that song has come up on shuffle in the most divine and perfect time. It has saved the day, the week, and maybe even in some dark periods, my life. It has been on almost every playlist abroad, and friendship collection exchanged. It.Is. the musical backdrop of those two people. I am grateful to be one, of the two.

Though originated between just two, it has grown. It's expanded into something more meaningful by its inclusion of a sister, and tremendous year of growth and awareness. After a visit this past March I drove Kristyn up to Harrisonburg so she could get picked up by Kalan who she was going to spend the rest of her break with. I have never been one to cry when leaving or saying goodbye in 'normal' circumstances, but my heart just ached. Kristyn and I had shared some heavy, deep, and meaningful conversations during those days together and I just couldn't help but get emotional in the parting. When I got on the highway after leaving of course the magical shuffle did its thing and this song came on. I heard for the first time in a long time more then don't give up... I heard,

"Don't give up.

Because you want to be heard

If silence keeps you

I, I will break it for you...

Everyone wants to be understood

Well, I can hear you.."

The notion that silence could be broken in love, empathy and compassion reminded me so much of Kristyn. I was struggling through the mistreatment of someone and was really deeply hurting at the hands of silence. By hearing this phrase in the song I was able to span my memory and be grateful for the ways in which the people who have fought for and alongside me the most have taken the silence, and given me the opportunity to speak. How because of the way I loved and knew Christ, so much of what I believed was doing that in return. Asking questions. Waiting sometimes long stretches of time for the answers. Not giving up when its too hard. Showing and saying love in both silent actions, and written words.

The next day I sent Kristyn an identical envelope to three addresses. So that at any of her possible points of return back home before she left for school she would find one cd, with one song on it. I felt so convicted in that car ride in which I drove for 1 hour home only listening to that song, that she needed to know that in the midst of change, challenges, and transitions that she was not alone. That she was loved. That going back to her last few weeks of college and the open spanse of the unknown after graduation was not her battle alone.

The 2nd song to be performed last night was of course this one. My eyes flooded, but not a single tear drop. It was a different rendition, and it was absolutely perfect. I will never be able to hear it again and not wish it included the lyrics below. They are the missing piece.

when you are broken, scared and alone

when your voice can not be heard

you can't always see the end

you don't need to find the words

you are- someone out there needs you

when the tears fall from above

know that I will not leave you

and when I'm with you, you are loved

In a coliseum with more people then I could count, a small moment and space just for me and thoughts of those two friends was able to expand. I sat and thought about how much of that friendship had been exactly the new part of an old song I knew so well. How different my life has been because I was loved that way. How different my relationships are now because I continue to love others that way and that much. How that has made me the luckiest. How that musical backdrop has grown, changed, and included so many MORE then it originally articulated.

Where do you know love?

Who breaks the silence and can hear you?

Who reminds you that you are not alone?

Who are you that, for?

thankful for a legacy of love continued.

(you would have.loved it.)

you are l o v e d.