Y'all are coming out of the woodworks about this whole Kari leaving the bank full time. It has been classically ridiculous to read emails, and listen to folks that I love and LOVE me tell me they didn't think the Bank was my future. I am thankful that I had everyone's support, but one must wonder "Do I have the same support now in this venture I did going into the bank? Is everyone going to tell me they thought I was insane later?"
I am rounding out my last full time week here at BB&T. I am thrilled. This is has been the slowest week I can recall, and I have found myself doing a lot of misc. online research to kill time, and occupy my brain. I have written emails which has been great, I usually just put off those electronic letters in procrastination for a better time.
I struggled with my decision about going part time... I thought I was being ridiculous... I thought I was having an emotional moment that was completely dominating my common sense. The joy that has come is not that those feelings have completely disipated, instead they linger on the surface providing a reality check of sorts... but underneath all that distracts me, is where the dream has expanded in my heart, the details are coming together, lists are being made, timelines are being put in place, and the true vulnerability for what is coming continues to expand.
In light of this new endeavor I have been asked about my possible relocation. It has been the same friends that asked me in January what the plans were going to be, and it was in those eyes that had the sense of comfort when I officially accepted the Bank position. I saw the glimmer of uncertainty reappear when I opened up about my disatisfaction, and my pursuit of something different. I do not want to move out of Lexington, VA at this point. In light of my father moving here, I want to be part of that transition. I think in my heart I want to see this whole new adventure through from my home here, and give it a school season. I wonder if I'm being optimistic? Am I holding onto something I should be letting go of? As I survey the changes that are in the future, with house changes, and job changes, I wonder often what the Lord is setting up. I have the comfort of a home I love, that I will love regardless if I am the only one living there or if I have rooms busting with other roomates and their lives. I have some great friends in the state of Virginia, and probably the best one ever in my zip code. I do not seek to be away from those relationships, and I know that I shouldn't make decisions for my future and what the Lord seeks for me based on those people. I am not married to them, but they are my family. And right now, in this time of uncertainty, they are as important to me as the seven members of my family spread over the Continental United States.
So dear friends, and readers... I pray that I'm able to keep my eyes focused on the Lord and my heart centered on His purpose and will for my life. I want the grand dreams to come true, and I want the extravagant adventures... but more then those things I desire for love and friendship. I think I'm moving my way out of the time of seeking every place else to dream and think. It is not perfect here, and my relationships are not perfect. But I am not going to let go of this place until I know for sure, and I'm praying that the voice I've been hearing continues to permeate fear and control...
A friend wrote me something today that meant quite a bit, they too commented on the bank not being the best fit, I had to laugh but then they continued: "So glad to hear how you're growing... Glad to know that you're following your passions. The Lord will will bless you immensely when you are in His will."
Praying that I'm in His will. Praying that I'm productive in my fear and not stagnant. Praying that anyone who felt like the Bank wasn't a great fit, would speak up in light of this change if they didn't agree! Continuing to pray for my relationships, thankful for where they started, what they've been through, and where they are going. I couldn't plan the best ones any better, and it continues to amaze me how the Lord uses us to sharpen each other, encourage each other, sit and cry with each other, and just be who we are... who knows what they'll change into and how they will grow. What gifts. Who would've thought it could be so amazing?
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