Currently.

It was a different weekend. I had a day off with Matty... and so we spent the day hanging out in the Noke indulging in Barnes and Noble, a pedicure (his first), coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and just hanging out. It was probably the first time in weeks that I had spent any sort of time with Matt that didn't include other friends. It was great. It was good to be able to talk about the summer, ask him random questions about how things are in the Snack Bar, and talk a little bit more about the changes I'm going through.

We met up with everyone for dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, and then we went to a 7 o'clock show of Get Smart in Lexington. It was a fun day. It was a day that resembled the typical routine of my school season life, and I was thankful for the normalcy after trying to adjust to the summer challenges and schedule.

What took the day into a different place was the text message from Mary asking me to come out to Stonewall Jackson Hospital to keep her and Sam company, at 11pm. What I intended to be just a stop in, turned in a couple of hours and it was so good for my heart. I can always be uncensored and completely honest with Mary, and what I hear back is always wrapped up in a package of love and grace. We laughed a bunch. We talked a bunch. We made plans for the next time. At 1:30am I returned home to my bed, snuggled with my dog, and was content.

Waking up for Church the next morning was not easy, but I made it up and out of the house and on my way to Staunton. Afterwards I grabbed lunch and then went to the pool. I want a pool at my house. I can't have one right now, but one day I will own a home with a pool. As the day continued I made my home and took a nap. I can't tell you the last time I took a nap in the middle of the afternoon. I woke up just in time for Mandy to get home and hear about her day and just veg out on the couch. It was a relaxing day, and it was a day that was simple. It completed a weekend that was good for my heart and set me up well for my last full time week at the bank.

I relinquished control of the Vault yesterday and my heart did a happy dance. Because I won't be full time anymore, I had the privilege of handing responsibility back to Martha. I could not be more excited, and it has since relieved a lot of misc. stress from my job. Ok friends, it was really the only stressful part of my job. Now, I have found myself a little bored, but that's ok. Just four days left.

I have had some great conversations recently, which have allowed for a peace in light of this new change come over my heart. I still want certain things to be different, and I still want certain answers to come... but in general there is a silence over the crowded voices in my head and because of that I have been able to breathe a bit deeper. The Lord continues to speak to me through simple moments alone, and in the love articulated by those in my life that I trust. I am excited. Not as terrified... I am sensing parts of my heart awaken after what seems like an eternal hibernation... currently... life is continuing, and I'm feeling much better about it.