Enough.

It is enough.

I have been greedy and selfish the past few months in ways I have not experienced before or been aware of. I understand that my tendancy to hinder on the side of personal gain is always there, but I have been accutely aware of how many times I have said "more". I have wanted more from people, places, situations and things. My frustration has rested in desiring for more then my portion, more then what I can attain and absorb, and has been emotionally stunted when thinking about what I desire from people who aren't giving me what I want or think is best.

The Lord has carefully crafted and created environments of community for my heart in people that range in their differences from me. The tapestry of their friendship continues to change as the level in which we know eachother and our ability to be vulnerable deepens. Joy is in that truth. Joy is in knowing that I would never ask for more, because the gifts I receive already abound my greatest expectation. I have been feeling lonely and dry in light of the schedule around me. I have also found freedom in being able to be honest about those feelings, and being able to articulate them to people that need to know about what I've experienced in my heart.

I think that is where I have found Enough.

My heart desperately wants to be connected to people I live with more then it has been. And it has been hard fighting the sinful urge to punish them for not giving me what I want... or wanting to create an attitude that would replicate what I'm feeling. In my tapestry of friendship and loved ones live someone who is optimistic, who is able to take the time at hand and let it envelope the moment...and does not get stuck on not having more. I have someone who is sincere in her empathy and always points me towards Christ so that He may provide the healing and comfort that is necessary. I do not inheritantly have those gifts. I try to be content in the ways my friend is, but I can't seem to get to that same place he can. I try to point friends towards the real solution in Christ like my other friend does, but I'm a fixer and sometimes forget to excuse myself from a conversation so that the Lord can speak through me.

I am learning these things about myself while going through the challenges at hand. In being able to grow in the treasure of that awareness, I can sense in finding those things that they are enough, and do not faciliate the natural instinct to want to grasp or claim for more.

While the little dramatic voice in my head at times dominates the voice of reason and gratitude, I'm thankful that today when thinking about life, where I am, and who I love that I'm on the upside of greed. Perhaps it is because of those chosen to love me in my life by the Lord that I'm best able to see the living example of acceptance for what time and experience is, finding joy in the nuggets, or being pointed towards the true companion and healer in Christ.

It is enough. And often times, it is MORE.

"Cause to know you is to know love
And to know love is to know enough
To walk with you through this life
From now until the day I die
What better way is there to live
Than to live with you "