A full moon reigned in Lexington, Virginia last night. Leaving a movie Tex stopped and pointed out the sky, the moon, and the church... I otherwise would have completely walked to my car and driven everyone home without even noticing it. It should be no surprise that he saw it, he often sees things that I shuffle past, the bridge as I previously wrote about is a classic example.
Mandy had a camera in her bag and we were able to spend a few minutes capturing the steeple, and the church before getting everyone back home. Leaving the boys house Tex let me take his camera to return back to main street to grab some other shots. I am thankful that Mandy didn't complain as I hung out on main street for ten minutes while she read 'Us Weekly' in the car.
The point is not that the photos captured what I saw. If I could articulate to you the way that those moments made me feel, you'd think I was insane. Leaning up against the brick wall trying to steady my hand as I took the first photo's with Tex standing by watching, I felt... I felt like Me. I felt like all the time I have been spending trying to sort out how I feel about work, life, where I'm going, how I'm doing, what I can change, who I'm going to be, and how my relationships are changing just completely faded into the pitch black sky and I was using a part of my heart that I haven't in weeks. I was using my creative eye, I was using my point of view, and I was capturing something that utilized my vision. Not the part of my mind that I use at work, or the part of my heart I have found myself battling in the growth... It was me, an inspiration, and a push of a button. Tex remarked at my joy when I captured it just the way I wanted, and we laughed about how he was the one to notice it.
Where is my solid ground? Where does it begin?
I have found places across the country, and across the world that have brought me comfort, joy, peace and quiet. I have found moments in great distance that have changed my ears into a completely tuned and precise sense. I visit them in my memory- beaches that I have witnessed the sunset, benches on piers that I claimed as my own, and stretches of highway that have been the way to someone I love.
I have relied on my relationship with the Lord to bring my heart down from the moods, and to wash His grace over my life. I have been protected, provided for, loved, and rallied around. I have not received this Grace he has given with open arms at all times, and I have struggled in accepting it from those I know love me. I have stumbled and I have tripped. The ground in this area is not solid... and I have been so frustrated at myself in this capacity that I have been stuck. I have been still in frustration, stuck in doubt.
I think it is because of that journey and sorting out some stresses in my life that I have been praying for a moment that makes sense. A moment that I could see ways that I am accomplishing the 20 things on my unedited to do list below.
That photo above, and the other dozen taken last night... taking them made me happy... taking them made me feel like the 'me' I've been missing since traveling stopped. They are where my solid ground begins- the joy in being creative and still for the moonlight... admiring God's creation in an otherwise black sky.
Right now I am accutely aware of my switch of a mood, the stress that I haven't been handling well, and this particular time of growth I am sensing myself move through. I have heard what I've wanted to in conversations, and what I've wanted to hear has a negative filter that is difficult to silence. I have also been honest. I have been authentic. I have been vulnerable. These are fruits of this time, I am beginning to see the blessings and not just the frustrations.
To one friend in particular, thanks for stopping. Thank you for tolerating the tears, and for continuing to show me more Grace than I can understand. Thank you for pointing out the bridges, and the moonlit skies in life.
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