100,000

My car hit its 100,000th mile yesterday. I have been watching the numbers tick away the past week or so knowing that it was quickly approaching. And yesterday, on my way to Nelson Street it went. I was able to grab a photo pre-and post change on the phone. I've thought about all of those miles. My car is a little over three years old, which averages out the miles to about 33,000 a year. Truth is that most of those miles were put on between August 2007 and now, December 2008. I went everywhere in my trusty Honda, and I think I'm more emotionally attached to it then I thought. It has been a lot of places up and down the East Coast, and I'm excited about where it is going to take me on Saturday... to Connecticut for the Holiday. Gracie and I will load it up and head on North through the traffic and congestion associated with construction and arrive at my mom's house. It has been a little over a year since I was last up North, and now as I look towards the week ahead I am excited to be there. I desperately need some perspective from life that I am currently not able to attain remaining in my everyday. Which I suppose brings me to my next current life issue.

I have debated long and hard about a moving date out of Lexington, VA... and I have written endlessly about being content, finding patience in small pockets, seeking Christ and His plan. The time has come that knowledge combines with the heart seeking His purpose. In deciding to pursue what I have on my heart, I have put into motion some time in Ky/In for the month of January. News of this decision has not spread far and wide, but those I have begun to share with have returned my tears and news with "I'm proud of you". There has been something about hearing that, that has made such an impact. I know that their pride is rooted in love, but its almost like in a strange way- that they knew that this was what needed to happen the entire time... and now that I see it, and I'm boldly moving forward their hearts can only respond to my fear with encouragement and support.

I have had a couple of really good days at work. I love Nelson Street, I love the energy, and I love the ladies I work with. I have been a little antisocial among the great friends I have here, and I know that it is a reflection of the inner dialogue I have about where I'm going and what I might find there. It's a confusing and complexing blend of emotion- and there are days when I feel manic and insane. Mostly, I think I'm just sad. I'm tired. I fear that if I don't attempt to make some changes right now, I never will... and for that I fear remaining here in this place- regardless of the dreams and relationships I have, I will remain stagnant. I can set up a work room in a new house, and I can contribute to a new community in a new town. I may love my house, my friends here... but my life? My life is not what I want it to be. I want more. I can see clearly now that wanting more and pursuing better are intertwined- and that I need to know that I can do it. I need to know that I can go. I need it more then I want it, and perhaps that is why I feel like the Lord is calling me in this direction.

So on Saturday I will go home and begin a week at home with Gracie, and my family. I will think and I will pray about January- and how what I might determine will dramatically impact my February... I will go back and forth about what I think I should do. And I will probably find myself sorting out those thoughts, here... the open abyss of the blog where every last dream and plan has been written over the past year and a half.