You Can

"Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait
Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow"

Last night I had a conversation with a friend about the events that played out in my life at the end of September, I was able to determine that, that was the beginning of the tailspin--- and now, the tailspin is over.

It is not an exaggeration that October was a difficult month. I know that my mind while active and full of imagination and intelligence, can also work against me and perpetuate ideas, stresses, thoughts, and anxiety that pit myself against myself. I am my own worst enemy at times.

My life is built on relationships. Ranging from the most important one that I have with the Lord, my family, the one with myself, and my friends. I know that when I'm spending time in Scripture and writing in my journal during a quiet time my relationship with Christ flourishes, and yet I have a difficult time putting aside time daily to do that. I know that when I call my parents, or siblings that my love is communicated best through effort, and yet I know that I don't extend myself outside of my busy schedule enough. I know that when I relax, am not quite so hard on myself- that I allow my creative heart to run wild and my anxiety releases, and yet I find myself getting caught up in fear of the future, fear in making choices. I know that when I listen more then I talk, and when I love my friends well with runs to the store to grab snacks when they are home sick, I am more myself and the quality of those relationships grow... and yet I can get selfish and distracted.

I know the cycles. Looking back at difficult times, and tears that were shed during those challenging days... I can see how the only one that can save me from myself is Christ. That He asks me to follow him, and there are periods when I do that willingly and well... and other times I have one hand on the world not able to let go. I know that when I'm impatient, that He assures me that patience is necessary and living in peace with that is often times the point.

It's Him and no one else.

It's not comfort in snuggling with Gracie. It is not joy in laughing with a friend about silly things. It is not being distracted by things of no value so that I won't think about what I should be doing.

It's His touch. It's His purpose. I have found myself breathing more deeply, and laughing from a more authentically joyful place. I have sensed the Father's hand on my heart calming me and slowing me down through the voices and touches of those who love me. I have read in books messages I didn't know I was aching to hear, and I have read in letters that someone believes in me and seeks to share my burden.

He is everywhere. He can do anything. He can save me from me. He has provided for me more then I have ever been able to thank. With Him, I know that I can.

The tailspin is over. I am finding rest in the moment. I may still be working towards better sleep, but I am on the right path. I am going in the right direction.