Full Circle

This past weekend we traveled in an odd shaped circle accomplishing many fun things. To be honest, Sunday afternoon was the hardest part of the four day trip as I desperately wanted out of the car to walk around or to do something more fun. But with the several stops for gas, beverages, and lunch we finally reached our destination at around 4pm on Sunday: Weaverville, land of great friends, amazing food, and one of my most beloved cities: Asheville.

Perhaps easing into the long weekend was harder then I anticipated, I had some homeowner issues to take care of hours before leaving for Washington, NC for David Carter's wedding on Saturday. I was thankful that the night before I had put all my stuff together, and was able to share a really great meal and night with Betty Cabell whom spent the night. I enjoy her friendship tremendously. We talked a bit, laughed a bit, mutually understood that we had to get dessert after an already filling and delicious dinner... it was fantastic. In the morning I felt a bit rushed and stressed with having to communicate a course of action with my neighbor about the water issue our neighborhood was experiencing. When I finally made it to the boys house after dropping Gracie off at the Vet for her four day vacation, and swinging by T's car to let her borrow my iPod transmitter, I felt stressed. Much like when I met them there to go set up Jen's wedding, I felt frazzled and all over the place. How do I calm myself down? I sit at their dining room table, and I paint my nails. The energy to focus on something small and simple is enough to bring me down from manic thoughts. What is also great about this, is that the boys leave me completely alone during this process.

In a round about sort of way we headed to Washington County, by going North towards Charlottesville picking up Katie Andree, and then heading the rest of the way East on 64. Radio songs, fun stories, giggle fests, and quiet moments peppered the hours in the car to our final destination. The wedding was beautiful, and it was fun to be in a much more relaxed setting. It was touching to see the Father of the Bride so emotional in giving his daughter away, and to also see the most gleaming faces of joy in DC and Hayden. The after party in the camper with the Danners was hysterical, and it was a great way to unwind after the busy day.

Moving along to Windy Gap on Sunday I found my excitement continue to rise as we got closer.I love visiting there, and the joy of staying with Chris and Caroline is always a highlight. A couple of years ago after many visits of my own, Matty started being part of the weekend quick trips down 81, and this time it was fun to share our love for the area with Tex. Enjoying local restaurants was a highlight, and spending the day at the Biltmore House for my second visit was also a treat. We all had fun, played Blackjack, learned some great things from a 'pro', and was able to visit with those I love.

I have three sets of community that I love. One in Lexington, VA, the second in Asheville, NC, and the third in Lexington, KY. My love for these three places on the map is varied as my relationships are all different, but the way that I feel when I am in each place is consistent. I feel like myself. I feel inspired. I feel well loved. I feel centered. Leaving either of the out of state cities I can sense my heart hurt and pulled to stay longer... to stay forever. How do you balance in your heart the notion of complete trust that you are where you are supposed to be, with the emotional stirrings and pains that being somewhere else rustle up?

Circles. I go round and round again about the future, and whats next. Every time my phone rings and the caller ID shows a number I don't know, I get nervous that is is one of many possible employers calling about a resume I submitted in haste during a time I was freaking out. The circle of this weekend was a good one. I wrote last week that I caught a glimpse of myself that I had been missing- I was able to clearly see the glimpse of self come into focus and continue to seem more permanent, and then in other moments of frustration or sensitivity that I would lose that sense of self again. How can I be better about holding onto the truth when my spirit is so tired? How can I give my heart a break? A true rest?

I know that the rest cannot happen in any other facility then my current home, and in my current place. I can not seek it in the Asheville's, or the KY Lexington's. I need to be able to establish a routine in my life here that allows challenge, purpose, and rest to happen without fighting the desire to peace out of town for two days every few weeks. That process continues. It helps in being honest, it helps in being open... it helps in being busy in productive ways that matter- and not just filling time with idle pleasures.

I am glad to be home. I leave tomorrow for a wedding in Baltimore... I have myself booked up every night until next Thursday. Rest? It will come. This weekend helped. The glimpse? I saw her today... and that brings my heart more joy then I could ever write here alone.