The Edge

I am standing on the edge, and for awhile I thought that I was moving along toward something specific: an opportunity, a change, a person, a moment, a moving box.... I think what I am finally able to see is that the edge that I have been drawn closer to, is not defined by any of those things. 

I have had quite a year. I have said recently, "you ever wish you could just start over?". The last time I spoke that sentiment out loud I was met with a very sincere, "No".  You see, in the highs and lows of the past 10 months... the teeter totter of emotion and uncertainty has lent itself for one of the greatest experiences I have ever had. I know that despite my inclination to want to start fresh, or to go back, I would never actually choose it. 

The Lord has brought me to the edge. He has pushed me, He has challenged me, He has watched me walk backwards, and He has held my hand as I have sprinted straight ahead. The control I have illusions of maintaining have gone from complete release to white knuckles gripping desperately and fervently. I am still learning to Let Go. 

The fall colors always captivate my heart. I can't help but get lost in the oranges, the reds, and the greens hidden deep in the trees. My birthday is in a few weeks, which lends to the reflection process that has begun in my mind. I tend to go a little crazy during this time of year... so to combat all that runs rampant in my heart and spirit I have prayed that the Lord would continue to open my heart up to tears that want to fall, people that want to catch me, and the spirit inside of my soul that wants to dance. 

The Edge? It is not the people, it is not the possibility of a moving box, it is not a change, or an opportunity. It is the awareness of growth in my vision, the part of my sight that has not been able to see past my own step in the journey. It is where I can see my touch ends, my voice fades. Instead I can sense my Father completing my uncertain footing, and I can hear His voice calling me. 

"I was blinded by my sin,

Had no ears to hear your voice,

Did not know your love within...

Help me now to live a life

That's dependent on your Grace,

Keep my heart and guard my soul,

From the evils that I face.

You are worthy to be praised,

with my every thought and deed.

O Great God of highest heav'n

glorify your name through me."