"I keep trying to tell myself to hold onto these moments as they pass"
Counting Crows
Last week I didn't slow down. I barely had time to breathe, and when I did take a moment it was usually followed by tears. The tears were brought on either by a song, Oprah, a friend, a situation, or just a moment of quiet among all the noises. Every single night last week I had something scheduled... every single night. And that trend will continue until Wednesday of this week. The hard part about that is not the scheduled events, its the "winding up", and then the inability to calm myself down and go at a slower pace when the time comes to rest. I opt out of resting. Instead, I fill in the gaps in time with things of little importance or significance, just so that I have something to do. It's dumb.
I still continue to be thankful that in a moment or action I can surprise even my closest friends in good ways. I continue to work through choices that I don't want to avoid. It's all going to come down to one thing, do I trust God more then I feed into fear?
Sand held in our hands while squeezing, only falls through our fingers more rapidly. I don't want to hold on so tightly to possibility that I am unable to remain attached and focused on what is true. This feeling of a dry well, or not being able to be patient in the area it matters most continues, and makes this season of life feel like a long December. I am trying to let go. I am trying to hold on. And yet, the voice in my heart continues to say that these moments are going to go, this sand is going to fall, Kari, hold onto them as they pass.
I paused and had some moments this past week that only resulted in my complete exasperation of not knowing what the future held, and what to do with my life. I was able to put myself back together again, much to do with the influence of a friend whom asked some challenging questions on Friday morning while we ate breakfast.
Despite the pace and uncertainty... life continues. I have been on either side of the fence about decisions I need to be making, jobs I could be applying for, and if the way I am living my life right now is good enough.
I still continue to be thankful that in a moment or action I can surprise even my closest friends in good ways. I continue to work through choices that I don't want to avoid. It's all going to come down to one thing, do I trust God more then I feed into fear?
Sand held in our hands while squeezing, only falls through our fingers more rapidly. I don't want to hold on so tightly to possibility that I am unable to remain attached and focused on what is true. This feeling of a dry well, or not being able to be patient in the area it matters most continues, and makes this season of life feel like a long December. I am trying to let go. I am trying to hold on. And yet, the voice in my heart continues to say that these moments are going to go, this sand is going to fall, Kari, hold onto them as they pass.
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