Tired. Stressed.

Sleeping... I wish it were more restful. Last night I had the strangest dreams, and when I woke up this morning I wished for nothing more then to snuggle back into bed for the remainder of the day. I had a great weekend though. Started off with dinner in Waynesboro with Jamie, that was such a blessing in conversation and vulnerability. I have always loved that kid, but seriously leaving what became a marathon conversation at dinner, I realized how the Lord provides the perfect people to open up a window into a perspective we were searching for at a specific time. I was deeply thankful for his friendship as I left to go home later that night. To my joy, Jessica came into town from Kentucky for a quick trip, and I love how we have seen each other more this year then any other. I really count her as one of my personal cheerleaders in life. She believes I can do anything... that faith is priceless. 

I saw my brother yesterday for a little bit, and the normalcy of having him hanging out in my house with my friends was a comfort. I was able to let go of all that is running me in circles, and enjoy my friends, my brother, and the evening. Those are small nuggets that I have been trying desperately not to take for granted.

I am tired though. Today I stood in the river staring out into the woods thinking of my ever expanding to do list. When asked what I was thinking about the first time, I told Mandy about the list that was forming in my brain. A few minutes later she asked me again, I responded with the same explanation of thought. My mind is wrapped up and around every last detail I have to accomplish this week for Jen's wedding. I am thrilled to playing such a creative part of the day for her, but my mind gets overwhelmed and I have to take a step back and remember to breathe in deeply. I tend to feel better when I have lists to work from. I am stressed out enough right now, that I am making lists to remember to write the longer list. 

I am battling over stimulation, exhaustion, emotionally draining situations, riding the highs and lows of feeling in control to not in control. I have been moody with those that add things for me to take care of that are not part of my current agenda. I don't want to talk to anyone I think may talk more about themselves before I am able to express part of my heart. That is so selfish of me, that I am ashamed to even admit that out loud. I was asked by a great friend today how they can love me better. How do you articulate that out loud when you want everyone to be mind readers? I think the biggest thing is prayer. That I would find joy in the tasks that I love doing, instead of feeling the pressure to be perfect in said tasks. 

So. Tired. Stressed. Joyful in the purpose... hoping that joy would envelope and wash over the part of me that is struggling to manage.