Up to the top, love, everyday"
Monday evening I was beside myself with frustration and exasperation when my computer starting freaking out. I had struggled with feeling overwhelmed and under prepared for my responsibilities, and so after dinner with Katie and Mandy when I realized the computer would not work I unplugged it, grabbed my things and went to the boys house. My desire to was to get all the software updates, and hopefully resolve the freezing issue. When I walked in, I tried to collect my thoughts and started talking about my day and all that was on my mind. I was near tears in the kitchen rambling to Matt, and found that talking about it, actually made me feel better... no tears dropped.
The following four hours were filled with restarts, reboots, reconsideration of my projects, and in the end: rejuvenation. The way I was loved by the boys at their house on Monday has continued to make such an impression on my heart in the days since then. I realize that I am scatterbrained, manic, and controlling. I know that my creative sense can work against me in times of pressure, and that I stress myself out more then necessary. I have a more difficult time when I am wound up like that to let people love me well, or if I am asked how someone can help I struggle with how to articulate what my actual needs are.
In my mania, I had two of the best friends a girl could ask for take care of my needs. One listened to me and empathized with the pressures I was putting on myself. The other took control of my computer, and started coordinating using his in the event mine would not be resolved. Instead of talking down to me, they told me to breathe in deeply. Calm down. Watch the Olympics. Laugh. Relax. I left their house well past midnight still over stimulated from all my thoughts, but so grateful.
The next night instead of just calling, I had a visitor stop by the house to check in and see how I was doing. When I looked down the hallway to the front door to see who had come into the house, my heart piqued with gratitude for the thought behind the check in. I laughed, I talked about my day (including being subpoenaed...which is another story), and allowed someone to come in and help me along. Finally, last night was the evening of "try to get it all done". Because of the work put in by my two personal cheerleaders this week I was able to enjoy today with Jen doing all the flower arrangements.
I mention these anecdotes of schedule not simply to describe my day, or what Matty and Tex did for me this week. What matters more then the computer fixing, place card organizing, and ribbon cutting... has been the resonating feeling of complete love. We are all quick to judge our friends in time of stress and need, and we are easily frustrating by tones, insinuations, or sarcasm when we aren't in the mood to hear it. The things that rang truer to me, were the moments of Grace shared between the three of us last night when I requested some tweaks to a particular project that had long been completed earlier in the night. It was the banter when talking about things of little significance, to that of debate in regards to communicating truth through sarcasm with the "just kidding" disclaimer. In my day today of putting together 620 flowers into arrangements my mind often drifted to gratitude for my friends that worked with me past midnight last night. In the imperfection of human nature and friendship, it must be said that I was loved completely and entirely by two friends that offered different parts of themselves to the cause and contributed to the over all success of checking things off the to do list...
What matters most is not the task. What matters most is how these two friends came right along side me, and picked me up. I fought being positive in moments, and I fought their general good mood, but they remained supportive, and willing. I will count experiencing their friendships in that capacity among the greater things I have enjoyed while preparing for Jen's wedding. I am ridiculously thankful for them both.
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