A Different Offer

So, I heard back last night about the job. It wasn't what I was expecting, and it wasn't anything I had planned, but it is a fantastic offer. Without going into detail about what the position is, or the potential growth associated I am left to consider what could be a very good path.

As the buzz of the possibilities played off in energy this evening I sensed my thoughts returning to where I see myself going and what I want to do. I came home and was excited about the opportunity presented, and have felt tremendously loved by friends who have followed up and called me in the past week to see how I'm doing and what is happening. I honestly have to say that the extension of friendship from Indiana, Kentucky (times two), North Carolina, and Ohio has blown me away. I have felt carried in prayer and I have felt supported in absolute love. In the search for dreams and paths I know that I have exhausted myself and others around me and I have often times been at a loss at what the point has been of it all. 

But today I sat and I listened to someone try to convince me to trust them and the opportunity that they were offering. I listened to them speak passionately about a company that they love, and I listened to them remark at the ways they felt I would soar with them. It was more then an ego boost, it was enough to push me closer to capturing what I have been waiting for... something bigger then just a job... a possibility bigger then just a pay check... a new direction, new growth, and change.

To accept the position I know means letting go of this time in my life. I think as the night continued that was the truth that was resonating on my heart the most. The glitter and glam from being wanted and pursued by the job had faded and the reality that my life would once again return to established employment and responsibility. I have known that I was ready for it, and that the time was coming... but tonight as I watched American Idol I felt my heart sink with the knowledge that my time would be dedicated to something established, something responsible and my gallivanting was going to be constricted to vacation days and holidays. 

The Lord answered my prayers in a huge way. The Lord answered all your prayers for me in a divine and meticulously planned experience of submission and trust. I am thankful for the highs and lows, and I am thankful for the stretching and growth that I have done in the process. 

I wouldn't change this year for anything. I have gone back and forth recently on what would be worth leaving this path behind and there are things that top the list... but truth is I know that the person I have worked towards becoming, and the ways I have pursued Christ to reflect Him more have come from all the experiences since July of 2007. I have photos, postcards, and letters to self that remind me of what I've seen and thought. 

It's a different offer. It's a better offer. It better suits me and my future. But it still means that its time to let go of where I am, and tonight thinking about that when I quieted down from the excitement... it just hurt.