I just got home from a long day at work, and then a night out with some girl friends. We laughed an incredible amount, and we enjoyed each other's company. I got in my car to come home (after graciously passing on downtown Roanoke clubbing) and just thought quietly to myself that I am living part time back and forth in two completely different worlds.
The great thing about this- is that I am the same in both. Just sometimes depending on the crowd, different parts of my personality dominate. Though I am secure and thankful that regardless of the group dynamic that if any singular person were to show up, or leave, that the essence of me would remain. That is due to a lot of prayer and self awareness from JC.
Yesterday JJ, Leah and I had a girls day. It began with mani/pedi's, and I of course made friends with the lady sitting on my left side and chatted it up with her for awhile. We went to the mall, grabbed lunch, went to a movie, and then JJ and I went out to dinner. It was a great day with girls from work whom I love. I worked hard to push myself at dinner to be truly authentic in some pretty big life decisions with JJ and she was receptive to my concerns and questions. I was grateful for the opportunity to share bigger things then just the drama of a work day.
Tonight before seeing Bridesmaids with Kaitlyn we went to our signature Saturday hang out from this winter, and shared an appetizers and enjoyed happy hour. We hadn't been in ages, and the bartender welcomed our return. It was the first time we'd been without Alexis and the crew, and I admit there were moments I missed him. But we laughed, and giggled, and just enjoyed the time. A hysterical arrival at the movie theatre and a night was has had. It was great.
However, yesterday between the mall and movie we stopped into work to pick up paychecks. I didn't want to go in. Just wanted one day that I didn't get stopped for a question, didn't have to be an employee. Was just going to be myself out with a couple of girlfriends. However, I went in and a minute later looked to the door to walk out.
It was then that I saw Chad walk through the first set of doors and I just smiled. Yesterday was Chad's birthday and I love birthdays, and so to see him unexpectedly walk into work to say hello on his birthday? winner. I introduced him to faces he didn't know from his previous visit and we went outside to talk for awhile. Leah and JJ both met Chad at the Super Bowl extravaganza, and so after awhile they joined us outside and we talked for awhile. Gave him some advice, held him a little accountable, laughed, and was just happy to see him and talk.
I was able to enjoy Chad, and these two friends from work at the same time. The worlds could collide and there wasn't a compromise of me. I was the same. I was thankful that Chad was driving by and even though my car wasn't there still stopped in just to see if I was there. It was my life at home, in the zip code I pay property tax and rest my head on the pillow at night, merging even if only for a little bit with the place I spend over 40 hours a week.
I felt more loved in that 20 minutes by being able to experience two aspects of life I love so much at the same time (the work BFF's with Lex BFF's), then I could even begin to describe yesterday as the girls and I went on our way to the movie, and Chad went off to celebrate Steve-o at the rehearsal dinner.
One can't do what I've been doing forever. Its been a really hard, really exhausting, and really challenging life set up the 9 months. I sometimes have to choose between creating community in Roanoke, over the community I have in Lexington. And sometimes because I'm too tired, I choose neither and pick my house and Gracie. Or I go visit Kristyn and Mandy and soak up as much goodness and love as possible.
I wanted to move to Indy last year so I could worship, work, and live all in one place. Build relationships in my community, that impact my community. Not to be spread out all over the place and just feeling like I'm only getting to dig deep part of the time.
I think about moving to Roanoke. I think about moving out of this house and moving down the road by 50 miles.
But then I think about how much I love this house, and the life I do live here that I don't see often. And then I realize that it feels like I live in two worlds because I do, and because I have chosen it. Because I am fiercely attached to the one here, and I am not ready to choose ease of a commute over the intimacy I have grown to love and appreciate here.
So I am trying to figure out how to make it work.
How to piece together more balance.
How to continue to grow in Christ and fellowship with His people.
How to be a light in a dark dark place at work.
How to remember to take time to read a book on the hammock.
How to prioritize chores and laundry which I've sucked at since the Fall.
How to write more letters.
And call more people back.
Be a better and more intentional friend.
Send care packages like I used to.
Remember to take pictures because I need it.
And to hug. Yes. Hug more.
Two worlds. It's hard. But there are BRIGHT moments like yesterday when I am able to be in two places at one time, and be authentically me. Thankful for the girls and so much laughter the past few days, and for Chad- who would've thought after years of so much push and pull he would become such a great encourager and safe place to trust?
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