The Emerald Coast

Different Airport. Final Destination: A Different Place. The Same Routine.
I am waiting for my flight to Rome. I have a little over an hour and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable from the overexposed shoulders, back, and arms that are turning a lovely shade of red from the pool time I had today. Being a girl sucks in this moment- why o why can't I embrace what European women seem to do effortlessly, and go without wearing a bra? I write that, knowing full well if any single one of you were here right now, I'd say that out loud and complain, I don't care who you are.

I am wrapping up my three day jaunt to the island of Sardenia, after staying in Baja Sardenia on the Emerald Coast at a truly remarkable place. I have not much to report. I didn't go to a single museum. I didn't see a single piece of architecture dating some ridiculously old date about when it was built. I saw the water. I heard waves. I saw blue's in the Sea that I don't see in the Ocean's at home. I lounged in the sun, I waded and swam in the pool. I applied sunscreen (although not liberally enough today), and I ate lunch outside at the Beach Bar. I barely spoke. But I talked. For most of Friday and Saturday morning I struggled with narrowing my thoughts down into basics- just blissful relaxation... I was so wound up from my city pace that sitting still, reading, and making sure that my back got the appropriate sun attention to be even with the front I was almost bored. Which sounds like I'm complaining. It wasn't bored in the little kid way, "Parents you must entertain me...NOW". It was more of a restlessness. It took a good while to breathe in and out not thinking obsessively about one thing or another. I had started "Redeeming Love" last week sometime and only read 2 chapters. I wanted to wait for the time at the pool. I finished it this morning, all 400+ pages were read while sunbathing from Friday, to this afternoon. I have read it before, I will probably in this lifetime read it again. I heard and felt different things this time around, which was the hope as I prepared for this trip in packing it. I still love it. But I love it for different reasons right now, and that is a lovely surprise at the end of the marathon read session. I wish in some ways I had paced myself in order to enjoy it more, but once you start you just can't stop. If you've read it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Highlights of this weekend...

1) AMAZING water pressure in the shower, and a bathtub.

2) "The Emerald Coast" was in fact emerald, and blue, and amazing nuances of colors I don't know the names for.

3) A Queen Size Bed. Like clockwork wake up between 3-4am, wide eyed and alert. Which is so random. But it's also when my phone usually beeps, because its about that time Stateside someone that loves me is writing me an email that registers on the iPhone. Sometimes I ignore the beep, to save something for the morning, and other times I can't help it and just want to know who it was, what they said, if they miss and love me... you know the thrill of "You've Got Mail" after 2 weeks alone is really significant. ;)

4) Dinner Saturday night. I took the walk from where I'm staying to the center of town, which is half the size of Lexington's Main Street. I sat down outside and had the most charming waiter- he will become my 2nd favorite older gentleman that I've met in Italy. He spoke English really well, and he was warm in a way I bet he's the most wonderful father, grandfather and husband to his wife. I enjoyed him so much I didn't want to leave, and indulged myself in Tiramisu. I sat for awhile after and he came and asked me about where I'm from, and asked the most random question, "How do you like your new President?"... which just made me laugh out loud. When it was time for my check I asked him if it was free, he laughed and returned with it, but also an ice cold bottle of some liquor native to the Island that I can't remember the name of now, and a frosted shot glass. He complimented me, and poured me a shot of the most vibrant purple and red liquid I've ever seen, and I sipped it before swinging it back (which made him smile at me endearingly and showered me with compliments about my cuteness... I liked him). It was good- but my lungs burned it was so intense even though it was absolutely delicious. He poured me a 2nd shot and I took my time with that one as my face was flushed, and my stomach felt a little queasy... I stood up when I was finished and he walked over to me. We talked a little bit about the weather, and as I went to leave I thanked him for the after dinner beverage, and I touched his arm to thank him warmly for the conversation. He told me to come back to visit his Island, and I said I hoped I would one day. It was a great dinner, and it has now been ranked among a very long and quickly growing list of favorite moments of this trip. 

5) I watched the sun set and returned to my room. A little while after the dark had come for no real reason I went out to the balcony of my room. To the right was the coast, the night sky was sprinkled with stars. It was magical. I turned to my left as I went to go inside, and saw the most wonderful round, and perfectly white moon. I stopped. I stared. I marveled at its perfection. I thought about the day I said something silly to Matty about a 'full sun'. I thought about home. I thought about how I was six hours ahead, and wondered if for the ride home from a long day at work on Day 1 if the moon would be as bright, full, and beautiful for a friend. It was one of those moments in my head and my heart that I knew deeply and truly distance didn't matter. If I stayed here forever (which I'm not, while I will admit its a thought that intensifies each day)- that I would always be under the same sky as my family, my dog, my friends, and my memories.

6) I feel so peaceful here. I received an email yesterday which completely echoed my deepest contentment while also addressing the trip back home, it said: "It's so corny, but I feel like you are in that place, 'home is where your heart is'. I hope you will continue to feel at home and refreshed in Italy, but that as your days wind down you will be prepared to come back home without leaving your heart there." 

I read the email twice... and I prayed that I would understand the message well in my heart as to grasp truly that this state of heart, and feeling that I can't put words to can last and is not limited to where my body is. If there is any struggle about this experience, it is wanting to articulate it better, it is wanting to share it even while combating my deep desire for privacy, it is wanting to believe without a shred of doubt that like the sky- it will be the same regardless of the continent I reside. I am working through pushing myself to open up about what I'm thinking about, I have sensed myself remain quiet when I know that I normally would have a thousand things to say... but instead am not pouring my heart out in ways I have in the past. It's not that I'm waiting for someone to try and break down walls, its not necessarily a wall I've built, I'm just in a guarded, protected place... there is nothing wrong with this state, although I sense I will not be able to remain in there for much longer. 

Maybe I'm just waiting for the right question. 

Maybe I'm just waiting to see that its safe. 

Maybe I'm just quiet because I'm afraid once I start speaking 

I won't be able to take any of it back. 
Maybe I'm just exercising caution in a place I typically live with reckless abandon. 

Maybe I just want to hold this sacred for just a little bit longer. 

"I wanna feel redemption flowing through my veins
I wanna see with clear eyes beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over and know the good guys won
I want love to hold me and know I'm not alone

Standing round a willow weeping
We're praying in the backyard
And the chill of the night, the friendship light reminded me,
Who we are.

Will you hold the light for me?
Will you hold the light for me?"

-Caedmon's Call