Disneyland Paris

In each album I have posted on Facebook there are over a hundred that didn't make the cut to be included. I made quick decisions and posted what I liked best and kept moving. In each picture of those albums contains a window. A way for you to see what I've seen and for you to hopefully by the expression of joy on my face draw a some assured conclusions about how I am based on the self portrait. They each have a story, and I have the words tucked away in my heart and one day, perhaps day by day upon my return those words will be said... or perhaps they will remain as prized secrets and stories to be told to my grandchildren about who I was in 2009, what I saw, and how I had hoped and prayed for them even before the marriage to create them existed. 

In the 100 photos taken of Disney, there is a greater story to be told then just the experience of being in a magical place, where people young and old are united in their childlike wonder and enthusiasm... there is a story written in these pictures, and I have chosen just a few in hopes that you will understand why they mean almost more to me then any other group I have taken at this point in my trip... and why that last one is "The Picture" that defines this entire experience in one image. I will always associate these weeks, and this heart of growth on that expression in the midst of that day. So... here's just one of many things to share of the many pictures you've looked at on Facebook. 

Disneyland Paris

I made it to my final park. I'm a Disney enthusiast and while many do not love Disney the way I do, I'm happy that in the Stegmans, and Andrew Piper I have those who just understand. This picture begins the day, and marks the completion of my attendance to my last park. It was a great moment that I may have been giggling about for the entire morning in anticipation. Much like Christmas Morning, except this morning I got to open this experience with Mandy Stegman: amazing.

Mandy Stegman

Which leads me to Mandy. Seeing her in Paris was like seeing her anywhere else. It was insane and completely normal. Of course I was hanging out with her, of course we were in the land of all things magical. It was great and it was a joy to spend one day of 35 that I have planned and purposed on my own with her. The other joy was that I've been successful and so happy in my time away that I didn't need her to be a lifeline to home like I had orginally anticipated "Oh, so if I get lonely I've got three weeks before I see someone I love" was what I kept telling myself in preparation for my trip. I wanted to see Mandy, but I didn't "need" too- she was a bonus and I got to enjoy her as I was, and have the security of being relaxed and emotionally strong on my own. It was fantastic.

Pluto

We came upon a cluster of characters, and well I love characters. I got to cuddle and snuggle with Pluto and he put my head in his mouth and I just laughed. This picture is before the chaos of the day began, and there is something about looking at this picture that makes me recognize the freedom I felt in the day and the joy I had in being with Mandy and her parents. I was laughing. It was a great moment. It was before the best part happened. It was when I thought I couldn't ask for more then what I had. It was... me and Pluto and I was thinking "Oh my goodness, Lord... I am in Paris with PLUTO!"

Anna from Guest Relations

I met Anna after I realized that my wallet fell out of my pocket while on the Indiana Jones ride. Mandy, Jeni, and I quickly began the backtracking hunt, and general search through a very limited part of the park and made the necessary contacts to guest relations in the process. It was gone. We were told that they'd walk the ride at 6pm when it was being shut down and to go back at 6:30pm to see if it was found. It was time to take the necessary steps towards obtaining identification to either continue on my plans to Greece, or be sent home, so to do this I began the process of contacting the US Embassy, because my Passport was in my wallet, and I was set to leave for Santorini the next day. I was taken care of by Anna, who was able to guide me through these phonecalls and spent the time with me in the private office of the Guest Relations area. She is from Italy, so I was able to talk about my experience there- what my thoughts on her country were...what I was doing and what I thought. 

The Pirate Ship.

At one point Mandy and I went back to the Indiana Ride in hopes in riding it again we would see my wallet on the ground... I just think it was the control in my heart that could not let it go without seeing with my own eyes. We walked through the Pirates of the Caribean and went on the ride... and as we walked by the Pirate ship Mandy turned to me and asked if I wanted my picture. I said no, was starting to feel the weight of the day. She told me that I couldn't get all sad and not get a picture because I was going to find my wallet and tomorrow would wish I had documented my day in its glory. I gave in, handed off the camera and stood in front of the pirate ship and found a genuine smile and laugh. She captured this in a few pictures, but this was my favorite. In the midst of the heartache and anxiety, Mandy was able to help me find joy in my day.

My Trip... In One Photo

At 6:30pm we found out that the walk through of the ride did not produce my wallet. I knew what I had to do, and I knew who I needed to contact but the process was going to be challenging and overwhelming and so the tears were the release from a day of composure and hope. After a day of stressing at the park, we all left to go to dinner at Planet Hollywood which was located in the Disney Village. While at dinner Jeni's phone rang and after some language issues we were able to determine, Wallet... Found. As the details were coming slowly I asked if my Passport was in it, and it was confirmed. My face fell into my hands and I just cried. Tears. I couldn't believe it.

The part that matters is not that my wallet was found, and the only thing missing was 50euro, while that is amazing. It was more the emotional journey I took in the entire day and process of losing it, and because of that I will never wish the experience different. While in the office waiting for the Embassy to call back I prayed- and of course I prayed it'd be found, but I mostly prayed that whatever was to be that I could rest in knowing that I was safe, I was ok, and that the Lord had a plan. I kept thinking of a question I heard in a sermon and to explain the point would take too many words, but the end question was boldly, "Do you trust Him?" I knew deeply and truly that I did- even if it meant I didn't get to finish my time abroad in Greece. I knew that I was still His beloved, and I was able in my heart to give up all desire and control for wanting everything to go "my way" to simply experience knowing that He was more important then me. I still got the enjoy the goodness of fellowship with people I love, and I still smiled even in the midst of wanting to run away. If that's not Grace, then I don't know what is.

Yesterday in my contentment I knew how much I loved and trusted Him and wanted that more then I wanted my wallet to be found for my plans to continue. I didn't feel ready for home, but I would I knew that I could return and watch Him at work in that situation. I knew that I wanted Greece so bad, and was so close- and I've run this marathon for nearly a month and wanted to see it complete... but I trusted Him.... I wanted Him more then me. And after weeks of praying and thinking and experiencing such closeness in the silence I've had on my own, the experiences in churches as I've prayed quietly and thoughtfully to Him, and noticing the changes in my vision of self and His love... today I knew it was more then a sound bite, and it was more then a blog entry talking about my desire for the Lord to refine me, or my desire to be drawn and enveloped by Him... today was all of that hope, all of that truth, and all of that change I've sensed to remain in action. It was all of your prayers answered, and every hope for what this journey could be was realized... and while I celebrate that I have a wallet found- I would have known all these things to be true without it.

I'm sad I didn't get to spend the whole day at Disney, I did get to walk through those magical gates, and I did get my picture taken with Pluto, I laughed, I spent time with Mandy whom I love. There was a moment before the wallet was gone I sat on a ride with her in the dark and we held hands, I thought deeply and truly in my heart, that in my life I could not ask for anymore then I'd already been given. In the midst of losing the wallet, I still felt that to be true, and in the 8 hours I didn't have it and thought it was gone, I still knew that I had more waiting for me at home then I had hoped for in Greece. It was amazingly peaceful.

That last picture? The story it tells me? Is that despite the day, and the truth that my wallet was gone in that moment, I was able to still relax into myself and trust that the Lord was with me, and I was able to celebrate a day of His purpose. I was happy and content in chaos. Disneyland Paris? I will be back there at some point to complete what I began.

That day with Jesus? I don't have to visit. It's part of who I am, and when I forget, I have the best picture in the world to remind me of the celebration in all things, for He is perfect and I am His beloved.

Amen.