"My Friend"

If you look closely and read between the lines in several blog entries you will find a simple reference, "my friend". Who is this person? I didn't realize I did it until the friend I am often referring to brought it to my attention tonight when we were chatting over dinner about how their name is never written out. We laughed. They were right. I never really noticed before. 

Truth is this friend is woven in such an intricate way that in the closing of one of the most difficult years I can recall of my life,  I often wonder how they stood by me through panic and manic bouts of fear and complete pain... our friendship was so new, and there wasn't that very familiar basis for vulnerability that comes with time. Nope... we kind of skipped the steps between just meeting, getting to know each other casually with caution... and jumped right into the heart of the matter: whatever the matter was, applying for jobs, leaving jobs, moving to new states, trying new adventures, and figuring out how to make it through painful situations with those we loved. I honestly have no idea where I'd be right now without their constant, and unwavering love and care. 

I wish more people understood the dynamic, and I wish more people could hear the content of the conversations we have shared in the past year and a half. I know that there is careful caution placed and respected in having such a significant friendship in another that is a boy, and there have been a lot of people come to my side and question whether I was guarding my heart well... and while there have been assumptions, judgements, and opinions- those who have been bold to come to me about them have always had my respect.

I think if people could hear what I hear, they would hear two people trying to sort out where they are going in life and how to pursue Christ completely. They would hear fears, doubts, and questions... and they would know that we were praying, supporting, and walking each other through it all. They would hear that we've talked it all out, and that there is not a topic untouched. If they saw what I saw, they would see someone who empathetically tears up at the sight of my own tears that fall, and they would see someone who could read every thought that remains unspoken in my eyes. They would know that we are family, and while everyone else has tried to define, question, and categorize our friendship to something they understand... we remain. That is just the way it is. I often try to hide the tender moments, or the ways that I am loved well not wanting to stir opinions and questions, in light of that protection I have been able to learn that the best things in life are not always the things shouted, but unspoken between two friends.  

I know what it is... even if I at times doubt it, or push it away because having a friend so close to the heart is scary. I believe that through changes, and difficulties in life and with each other, that our friendship despite those dynamics, the very core will remain... because what has built it up will be the same thing that will keep it standing: and that is Christ. 

We often talk about later in life a desire that we would like to get everyone we know and love to retire in the same place... in Arizona. While my heart has been cautious about false promises, or trusting 'things people say'... and there are many reasons that our idyllic idea of "Arizona when we're 80" won't happen... there is always this moment in the midst of the banter, and even tears when discussing something hard that I can catch a glimpse of a warm afternoon by the pool and this friend throwing the walker to the side and pushing me in just for fun. Sometimes, I can even feel the water splash my face and can sense my hand reaching out to drag them in along side me. 

My Friend... Andrew Piper... is quite possibly the best friend I've ever had. While I will meet many more special people that I will grow to love perhaps even more then this friendship- it will never change what is right now. And that my friends, is a friend who has 'found me in darkness, in the cold, and reached their heart out to me so that I could be pulled back from the edge. It is a friend that when I was drowning, when I was so confused, pulled me through. They gave me my faith back when it was so hard to find, and in turn gave me my life back- and their strength was what made me strong... they held me and I held on'. 

The Lord gives us exactly what we need, when we need it. For me that came in the form a six foot seven gentle giant to help me along, to make me laugh, to occasionally bruise an arm in an elbow fight, to sit and talk endlessly about matters of the heart, to hold me accountable to taking care of myself better, to instill in me that they are not going to walk away, to encourage me to pursue my dreams that may take me half way around the world, to seek loving Christ and His purpose above all other voices- and that despite all the 'place's we'll go', our friendship will remain... because thats just how it is.