1) The days are getting longer, and this aides a joy in my soul that could not come in any other capacity. I am excited for spring, and I am encouraged by the random warm days that have allowed me to go without a jacket and have flip flops on my feet.
2) The Boys and I went up North to visit all things Kari. We spent a few days staying with my Mom, and traveled to NYC, Ridgefield, and New Haven. In some ways I was absolutely terrified to take them home and show them things that I love, terrified in the "this is way personal I hope you like things that I like"... of course: they liked everything that I like. I suppose a little list of my favorite things would also help in the articulation of the goodness of the trip:
a) Singing "That's Not My Name" with Matty.
b) Listening to stories get explained by my mother in a way that I had not articulated it to the boys before, because I simply just remember it different. (the bus story being my favorite and most embarrassing clarification by Karen).
c) The 4 of us playing Mario Kart... I was set up to fail much like playing War with Tex.
d) NYC: the simple goodness of walking along the avenues enjoying each other and eating really really tasty food. Sitting in St. Patricks trying to get on my camera what I could see with my eyes... and relishing a captured moment when it was successful.
e) The quick chat I had with Felix when I went into the Ice Cream shop to see postcards, some of them ones I have sent over the years still on the door. I love that place. I love the relationships I had there. I miss those conversations Yasna and I would have endlessly in the slow of a winter afternoon.
f) Blackjack and fighting over the "lucky color skittles".
g) Martini Shaker- so fun... strangely enough I was the behaved one. Yes, its true.
h) The Toothbrush Incident... I wish I could write more about it, but I think you just had to be there... it was a priceless moment.
i) I continue to be thankful that Matty, Tex, and I can hang out and travel together- and with the exception of some visits to "the roof" on Matty's part, he can walk away from five days not hating Tex and I.
3) I am going to Windy Gap this weekend, I'm thrilled about that. My calendar this month was filled with a LOT of friendship and love. March-- will be quieter I think, and I'm ok with that.
4) I am learning a lot about how I without even being very aware of it, I put conditions on what I offer to Christ hoping that He'll swing it "my way"- and in the end I'm still holding onto this ridiculous notion of control.
5) Beyonce's CD is really good- but I only like the ballads. I of course would only love the ballads. One song made my heart hurt, but then another made my heart happy. I go back and forth on the way they make me feel, but one thing remains- there are lines in some that completely tell my story, and that is just plain cool. I think if Beyonce and I met, we'd be friends. She's a classy lady.
6) I'm applying for a short term ministry opportunity in Amsterdam... this occupies most of my daily thoughts. Sometimes I think I want it to be long term. Other times I want it to be one month. Most of the time? I just want to go- so we're going.
7) I continue to feel normal, balanced, and emotionally sane despite my manic and sometimes crazy thoughts. I am trying to still stay focused and do what I'm supposed to do, and I've had some missteps in recent days- but for the most part I continue to marvel at how differently I feel right now compared to the past few months, while I deal with the same choices and same pressure.
8) I am really lucky. I feel more grateful for things in my life that the Lord has given me to nurture, sustain, and grow me. I am thankful for the choices that I can't seem to make in confidence, so I remain still and quiet waiting on a more direct call from the Lord. I am thankful for the house I live in, the dog that has been driving me crazy that lives here, and the Joyful Spirit where I ate lunch today. I am thankful that I have friends here to love me, and would do anything for me. I'm thankful that I know that is true not because its just something we say, but because I have seen by looking back at moments of true love and selflessness... and I wonder how many times in the past year I ran through completely blind and unable to see what was in front my face the whole time.
9) I've been learning a lot about being honest, being open, and when its important to keep your mouth shut. This has been an interesting lesson. I struggle with what to share right now, so sometimes I prefer to remain silent. When is that ever been my natural way of communication?
10) I don't need more. Right now, what I have, what I'm dealing with, who I love, and who loves me... is completely enough. I may want answers, direction, and purpose... but I don't need it. That will come.
I don't want to miss this time later, so I'm kicking off my shoes, putting my feet up- and I'm going to watch for every sunset over the mountains and marvel at the love I have had for this place from first sight... I know that the way to my house will not always have the beauty of three crosses on a hill, with a perfectly crafted backdrop. The Lord's creation continues to inspire and define what I am seeking. I am thankful that despite distraction, and pressure... that I am able to enjoy and rest in the beautiful creation of the Master's Hand. It reminds me that His purpose and plan is also in work in the landscape of my heart, and the sharpening of my vision becoming more aligned with His sight.
I am well. I have everything I need.
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