Restless

Have you ever loved a song for years, known all the words to that song, and then one day listen to it and realize that you never really paid attention to how it relates to your life?

I put an old Sara Evans song on my play list for the drive out to Kentucky called "Restless". This song was on an older album of hers, and I have always liked it but maybe when I first found it I appreciated the sound more then the lyrical content. Tonight I was driving back from UK Young Life Leadership and was listening to the song and heard almost for the first time:

I'm a leaf on the river
Fallen from a tall oak tree
Drifting down this moving stream
Wherever this life carries me
I'm a tumbleweed
In the desert wind
Just tumblin'
While the sun's shinin'
I have no boundaries
Call me a gypsy

I'm restless
Just ramblin'
What do you do, where do you go
When nowhere feels like home?
I'm restless

I joked with a friend in emails during my Thailand trip by signing off on each message as 'the gypsy', which is a true characterization of my life since last summer. Listening to this song tonight I could relate to the idea of movement and not settling in one place, even if I don't agree with the idea that nowhere feels like home. My current issue is that I have a few places that feel like home- quite the contrary from the song lyric. 

I wonder if I am always going to be restless. I have tried to break down the idea that I could be settled, where that could happen, and if my personality would ever naturally be submissive to the concept. I may fight through decisions, and I may hesitate in the process, but I am ever thankful that I have gone where called and felt led even if it was not what I wanted. I feel like I am in that place right now. I have been praying for the direction I'm supposed to go in, and I have felt pulled in many different places. I know that the Lord will not send me a map of my life with stars highlighting the answers to my questions. Instead I have been trying to respond to the insight of people that love me, I have been pursuing dreams in prayer, thought and visitation, and most of all I have lived in this in between stage and have felt encouraged by the fact I have slowed my controlling brain down to the extent that I have. 

So restless. I'm a gypsy. What do I do, where do I go, when everywhere feels like home?