Sense

Life is beginning to make sense again. There has been an extended period of time now that everything about everyday was quite uncertain. My options were limitless and the path I have been traveling has had countless opportunities to go in completely different directions. All of these choices and points of view have lent to confusion, over stimulation, at times bordem, and complete passiveness.

But today, I had a moment on the treadmill which shed light on the status quo of the past couple of weeks. It could be in part because I had a great weekend, and things are a bit more routine. I started the morning a little later then usual, spent some time doing my devotional, writing in my journal, read, and then went to the local YMCA. In the middle of my time there I felt content, and mostly just normal. My thoughts ranged from "ok after this, lunch? errands? get home and ready for BSF tonight?"...no where in there were philosphical debates on my future, how I felt about some of my friendships, way to be better in community, or the meaning and purpose of life. While I am still unemployed (although I am actively pursuing changing that), I felt the social awkwardness in my return from Thailand subside, and I felt the pressure of deciding who I wanted to be when I grow up fade into the background a little bit.

I have also jumped into some new church situations, and bible studies in the past two weeks and I have enjoyed seeing what the Lord is doing in different communities of believers. But also how my long term vision for a new church and purpose of growth and challenge are being put in motion with the new church I have started visiting. I spent so much time praying in my time away from Lexington about how life could be better and more challenging when I returned that I am so pleased to see those things turn into fruit and proof of God's ever presence in my life. 

So while I still do not have a job, I still do not know what I will be doing long term, and I still do not have any real answers about who I want to be when I grow up...I feel encouraged, I feel challenged by the sermon's and lectures I have heard recently, I feel normal...a sense of self taking a more controlled precense in my heart so that the fear and anxiety subside. It's all making sense again- and that is fantastic. 

"Open the door that you're ready to walk through

I am where your prayer was meant to land

Oh, give me the holes of your heart and I'll promise

I'll do anything and everything I can."