Sniffles

So...the power of Nyquil. It's an amazing thing really- after about 30 minutes my eyes have started to get heavy and my mouth is so dry. Last night was the first night I used the medicine to help aid my sniffing, coughing, sneezing, runny nose can't sleep cold. I woke up this morning in such a fog, I could have sworn that everything I dreamt (and spell checker tells me that I spelled that wrong, but it won't give me the solution!) about last night really did happen, and that I had a lot of people to talk to today about the events that took place in my dream. Thankfully, I was able to snap out of it, come down off my bed which is much too high off the ground for my height, but its my princess bed and I love it. It was so cold in the house this morning, that before I was able to complain I indulged myself in the thought that the temperatures were finally going to coincide with the changing leaves and the visual Fall creates on the mountains here in Virginia.

Today is Thursday and my favorite Grey's Anatomy fans left the house not too long ago. Tomorrow, is another day that I am home with not much to do to occupy myself. Yesterday I took myself out to lunch and a movie, I was a fabulous date. Tomorrow I have my evening plans covered, which is not much different then the past two weeks. However, I need to figure out how to be productive tomorrow in a different way. I want to finish reading the book I started this week, perhaps I will buckle down and get through it.

For the weekend- I've got a few hours I agreed to work at camp. This will be my first time working since July 26th, and its funny to me that its at the camp store. I was needed, and I was available, so I said yes. I am not going to lie, its going to be strange. But I know that it will be good for me, and I am interested to see how I will feel being at the place I left for this unknown adventure, and to be useful again in a way I haven't been since leaving Staff. It's a North Carolina weekend, so I am slightly disappointed that I won't see smiling Virginia Staff friends, but just as well, less questions to answer about why I am there!

My dad comes down on Monday, and I am excited for his visit. I am sure he has a complete to do list about things he'd like to accomplish, places he wants to check out, etc... I am hoping I can continue some normalcy in my social calender, like House Dinner and such. I've got good things going on right now, and the following week I will be out of town and miss them all again.

I'd love to be able to articulate all the random thoughts that have been traveling around my head the past week. I suppose the best way to describe how I am, and what I've been feeling is to say that I am feeling attached. I have the itch to head out of town again, and I feel like I should b/c I have the time to go- so GO KARI JUST GO. But the nagging feeling at my heart is the attachment that I have prayed to feel about anywhere, anything has begun...except its creating ties in the last place I thought it would. I had so dearly hoped that all the places I saw, and people I visited would stir up thoughts and dreams of creating a new home and a new life. I think I hoped this would happen because it would be easier then to see a life I so dearly loved, change in my absence at camp, and into something new...it is one thing to still do what you are doing where you are, but what do you do when you change what you are doing but still live where you lived and love who you loved- and your doing is different? Ok that probably only made sense to me, thats ok. I always corrolate the thought that "Kari, you are in Lexington because you worked at camp, you never would have chosen here as the place to be without your job". When I took THE JOB out of the equation, I thought that would take THE ME out of the Lexington. I don't know if I'm being anxious about my future so I am trying to make things happen against what the Lord is desiring, or if the Lord is placing my attachment in my heart so that I will freely stay, or if the attachment is so that I will fully understand what I would be moving away from. Goodness Gracious.

I don't know if any of that made sense. But what does make sense is that I love the here. I want the there- I want to pack my bag and see it, but come home to here. I want my cold to go away, I want to be able to wake up tomorrow without a Nyquil hangover...I want to feel useful and productive in a way that I haven't all week. I want my greater purpose from my day to not come at 5pm when I go work out at the Y, or when I hang out with my friends at night. I want to know what is going to happen in the future, and I want to be able to Google it and find out. I want the Lord to whisper more then "Kari, just believe", I want the scream, flashing lights, the oh so obvious this is your life's happiness you just have to go this way. I want to be secure and content in this transition and know that the purpose for this time is greater then me just on this new self discovery, that the people who love me and are walking with me are drawing themselves closer to their awareness as well. I want a lot of things...

I have a lot of things. I have faith. I have purpose. I have a Lord who Loves me dearly, completely, and without reservation. And tonight at 11:38pm, and in the midst of my Nyquil taking effect, I must say... that those things are enough.