101Times

101 Times my blog has been viewed. I would love to think that all my friends kept up with me in my absence by reading the blog, but seriously? Half of those viewings are probably times that I was self obsessed and re-read what I wrote while traveling. I should print them out and put them in a note book so I can keep them forever and ever and ever...and ever.

Today has been a great day. It's wonderful to be able to say that about a day without the aid of a "mountain top" experience to bring it up a notch. Often after I've experienced something unusual, beautiful, fantastic, exotic or adventuresome I can sit back and reflect with a sigh of relief and thanksgiving "what a great day". Today by several typical standards has been quite ordinary. I woke up, went to a breakfast place with Kerri and chatted for awhile. Then left her went to Barnes and Noble, read some magazines, bought some books, had some funny moments with the cashier (wink to MH), and then drove to where I scheduled a hair appointment earlier this morning for 1pm. I was in there a little bit, met a great stylist and walked out. Nothing so far unusual right? Now I am sitting in "Coffee Expressions" which is a local coffee shop that is very proud of its Independent Coffee Shop roots, so I am enjoying the fact I am supporting a local joint (although I do love me some Starbucks).

I have caught up on my email, stalked people on Facebook...and now I am just sitting enjoying a Mocha, catching a glance of my new 'do in the reflective glare on my laptop and I am doing well. In being unemployed things tend to get 'old'. You know, not having a regular schedule, not always having something to pour into- finding ways to be exerted (the Y has been fabulous for this physical aspect of that)--all create an air of moodiness or even boredom I suppose. I am usually happy and busy and emotionally connected to people I love. However, sometimes I can sense how I am bored so I cause trouble. Where do I cause trouble?

Well I act out in not eating all three meals a day, or drinking too much coffee or Diet Coke...
I act out in being argumentative because there's nothing else to do.
I act out in over thinking every aspect of my life- the past 26 years and then next 26 years to come that I have no real control over. Doing this makes me sad, frustrated and just overall not the happiest person to be around. (While, I do support being introspective I do recognize a healthy medium in that process.)
I act out by not praying enough. Resting my prayers on "Lord, I seek your Will" instead of also petitioning for desires, dreams, closure, changes, healing, friendships, etc...
I act out by not keeping up with my household chores like maintaining a clean room, bathroom, or doing laundry AND PUTTING SAID CLEAN LAUNDRY AWAY.
I act out by not calling people back. By ignoring phone calls or text messages. (What is so ironic as I finished typing this sentence Emily called me, and said "Girl, WTF, are you coming tomorrow?"I never called her back to say "yes, I will see you Friday"...we laughed, but seriously thought I did call her back).
I act out by giving too much advice to people, by drawing too much attention to my friends and their situations and not enough time being constructive in my own life. This is a trouble area. If you are my friend and reading this, please do not send me emails about your frustration with me recently in this area. I know, I know, I know. I'm working on it. ;O)

While this list could go on, its just a stepping point. Sometimes I struggle with only one item on the list at a time, and other times I feel the entire weight of every little thing I could change, every little time I could be better then the mood- and yet sink into a funk, and then the ever changing and growing weight of seeking a purpose for this time that I feel called to live in... sometimes the purpose is not the exciting aspect of traveling...sometimes and especially when at home for a month it was about living at home, loving the people in my community, talking about my day to someone I lived with and not just random strangers like I did when I traveled solo, laughing at the dog-cat-friends---myself, resting for the cold that plagued my immune system, driving in the beauty of the mountains, those down moments and down days? I can take 'em. They come and go, but what remains is what matters. Being real. Being true. Being complicated. Being still. Being here and knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...today. We will get to tomorrow...tomorrow. (or at least in January when I get back from Thailand).

So 101 times this blog has been viewed. Even if mostly by myself, I can say that from reading it I have learned a lot by the thought process and the nature of things I found worth taking note of. While learning from our friends is important, and having family to support and facilitate growth, I have truly found in the time returning to this space has been encouragement to myself to keep going, to keep dreaming, and to keep people connected to those dreams, changes, and potential...because while nothing out of the ordinary happened today (with the exception of my psychical location being in Ohio), if we can't savor these simple days and find joy in them, what is the point?