So its Tuesday afternoon 1:04pm and I am excited to be sitting at my dining room table. The leaves are still changing outside and the hammock is swaying in the crisp fall air. Lexington, Virginia: You Are Beautiful.
I had a restful sleep snuggling with Gracie in the Princess Bed. Since my last post I have been to Springfield and Columbus, Ohio, then Indianapolis, Lexington, Kentucky, and then back again. I have put some miles on my car in the past week, but it has definitely been worth it.
Not that my life is difficult by any stretch of the imagination, I have had the doubts and bouts with the Lord about my future which has allowed for some emotional strain and consequence. Getting out of town proved to be what the Doctor ordered and so I am feeling hopeful and again back into the excitement of this adventure. Tomorrow I will return to my car and drive about four and a half hours in a different direction from this week: kids we are going on 81 South. My destination? Asheville, NC a home away from home for me. I will be down there a few days, repeating the same trip I took last year. I am looking forward to seeing my sweet sweet encouraging and lovely friends down there. I will then return home on Friday evening for a fun Birthday weekend at home.
Some fun ways that I was loved this weekend:
1) Kerri stocked her fridge with Diet Coke and had Taquitos in her freezer. She also printed out pages of directions to Target, Coffee shops, and other retail points of interest to keep me busy when she was at work from 11am-5pm. It was fabulous. We had great conversation and I felt taken care of while in her home and loved seeing her outside of the camp environment we spent the summer in together.
2) Mark and I went to the Cheesecake Factory and did not diverge from our typical plan, and we laughed. While this is not surprising for those of you who know us...you just kind of forget how good it is to be together. I saw Mark about a month ago in Columbus, so it was fun to be again in his home, his house, his life...and within minutes of seeing each other I was laughing. The kind of laugh that comes with a stomach ache, with the intensity that boggles your mind... it was so comforting. We had good conversation, inappropriate hilarious conversation, and fun quiet time while in a movie. He's my boo and I love him.
3) Emily and I spent a good Friday night out with each other, but also spent the day on Saturday bumming around Indianapolis. She asked me good questions, she listened, she reminded me that life is a continuous journey, and most of all I was encouraged by the thought that all the good and all the bad are part of the point and we've just got to keep going. The Fairy Tales are great, but I want something real. My friendship with Emily has never been anything short of being real. I felt well loved in that knowledge of having friends in life that stick around, that you work through life with, you celebrate with...and some days you can just pour your heart out to and in the next moment laugh about some random thing you just saw.
4) Julie and Seth Michels. What is there that isn't great there? I showed up and Julie made me grilled cheese for lunch and we sat and talked for a couple of hours while she made lasagna, and I recounted every last detail of my life since the last time we had a serious chat. I felt loved in her laughter about random stories of travels and friends, and I felt loved in her input in areas that I am working through. I went to a fun dinner with Seth and Julie and some other Young Life staff people and had an amazing time. Then to Campaigners, and it continues to touch my heart knowing the places and situations that the Lord puts me in to further understand His purpose and calling for my life. I miss High School kids, and while I have prayed about leading for a long time, I can sense the timing now and I can see how I could in the very near future.
5) The Ride Home: to be able to break down great things about an experience tends to make the glow last a little longer, and I had that in the ride back with Tex. I was able to share about my six days of fun away and we were able to have great conversation on the phone commenting about important matters, and then wondering about the color of the sky and the size of the moon. The drive between the Lexington's is not my personal favorite and at times gets a little tedious- so having someone to grab dinner with, stop and get gas with, coffee at the Tamarack Starbucks and laugh and yell with outside to get energy out is a God send. I felt well loved with the laughter, I felt well loved with the conversation and I felt well loved with having a friend to share the ride back with and to share in the memories I created while I was away.
So tomorrow I go again. It's a teaser being home. But I am excited to see North Carolina in the fall splendor of color.
10.30.2007
10.25.2007
101Times
101 Times my blog has been viewed. I would love to think that all my friends kept up with me in my absence by reading the blog, but seriously? Half of those viewings are probably times that I was self obsessed and re-read what I wrote while traveling. I should print them out and put them in a note book so I can keep them forever and ever and ever...and ever.
Today has been a great day. It's wonderful to be able to say that about a day without the aid of a "mountain top" experience to bring it up a notch. Often after I've experienced something unusual, beautiful, fantastic, exotic or adventuresome I can sit back and reflect with a sigh of relief and thanksgiving "what a great day". Today by several typical standards has been quite ordinary. I woke up, went to a breakfast place with Kerri and chatted for awhile. Then left her went to Barnes and Noble, read some magazines, bought some books, had some funny moments with the cashier (wink to MH), and then drove to where I scheduled a hair appointment earlier this morning for 1pm. I was in there a little bit, met a great stylist and walked out. Nothing so far unusual right? Now I am sitting in "Coffee Expressions" which is a local coffee shop that is very proud of its Independent Coffee Shop roots, so I am enjoying the fact I am supporting a local joint (although I do love me some Starbucks).
I have caught up on my email, stalked people on Facebook...and now I am just sitting enjoying a Mocha, catching a glance of my new 'do in the reflective glare on my laptop and I am doing well. In being unemployed things tend to get 'old'. You know, not having a regular schedule, not always having something to pour into- finding ways to be exerted (the Y has been fabulous for this physical aspect of that)--all create an air of moodiness or even boredom I suppose. I am usually happy and busy and emotionally connected to people I love. However, sometimes I can sense how I am bored so I cause trouble. Where do I cause trouble?
Well I act out in not eating all three meals a day, or drinking too much coffee or Diet Coke...
I act out in being argumentative because there's nothing else to do.
I act out in over thinking every aspect of my life- the past 26 years and then next 26 years to come that I have no real control over. Doing this makes me sad, frustrated and just overall not the happiest person to be around. (While, I do support being introspective I do recognize a healthy medium in that process.)
I act out by not praying enough. Resting my prayers on "Lord, I seek your Will" instead of also petitioning for desires, dreams, closure, changes, healing, friendships, etc...
I act out by not keeping up with my household chores like maintaining a clean room, bathroom, or doing laundry AND PUTTING SAID CLEAN LAUNDRY AWAY.
I act out by not calling people back. By ignoring phone calls or text messages. (What is so ironic as I finished typing this sentence Emily called me, and said "Girl, WTF, are you coming tomorrow?"I never called her back to say "yes, I will see you Friday"...we laughed, but seriously thought I did call her back).
I act out by giving too much advice to people, by drawing too much attention to my friends and their situations and not enough time being constructive in my own life. This is a trouble area. If you are my friend and reading this, please do not send me emails about your frustration with me recently in this area. I know, I know, I know. I'm working on it. ;O)
While this list could go on, its just a stepping point. Sometimes I struggle with only one item on the list at a time, and other times I feel the entire weight of every little thing I could change, every little time I could be better then the mood- and yet sink into a funk, and then the ever changing and growing weight of seeking a purpose for this time that I feel called to live in... sometimes the purpose is not the exciting aspect of traveling...sometimes and especially when at home for a month it was about living at home, loving the people in my community, talking about my day to someone I lived with and not just random strangers like I did when I traveled solo, laughing at the dog-cat-friends---myself, resting for the cold that plagued my immune system, driving in the beauty of the mountains, those down moments and down days? I can take 'em. They come and go, but what remains is what matters. Being real. Being true. Being complicated. Being still. Being here and knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...today. We will get to tomorrow...tomorrow. (or at least in January when I get back from Thailand).
So 101 times this blog has been viewed. Even if mostly by myself, I can say that from reading it I have learned a lot by the thought process and the nature of things I found worth taking note of. While learning from our friends is important, and having family to support and facilitate growth, I have truly found in the time returning to this space has been encouragement to myself to keep going, to keep dreaming, and to keep people connected to those dreams, changes, and potential...because while nothing out of the ordinary happened today (with the exception of my psychical location being in Ohio), if we can't savor these simple days and find joy in them, what is the point?
Today has been a great day. It's wonderful to be able to say that about a day without the aid of a "mountain top" experience to bring it up a notch. Often after I've experienced something unusual, beautiful, fantastic, exotic or adventuresome I can sit back and reflect with a sigh of relief and thanksgiving "what a great day". Today by several typical standards has been quite ordinary. I woke up, went to a breakfast place with Kerri and chatted for awhile. Then left her went to Barnes and Noble, read some magazines, bought some books, had some funny moments with the cashier (wink to MH), and then drove to where I scheduled a hair appointment earlier this morning for 1pm. I was in there a little bit, met a great stylist and walked out. Nothing so far unusual right? Now I am sitting in "Coffee Expressions" which is a local coffee shop that is very proud of its Independent Coffee Shop roots, so I am enjoying the fact I am supporting a local joint (although I do love me some Starbucks).
I have caught up on my email, stalked people on Facebook...and now I am just sitting enjoying a Mocha, catching a glance of my new 'do in the reflective glare on my laptop and I am doing well. In being unemployed things tend to get 'old'. You know, not having a regular schedule, not always having something to pour into- finding ways to be exerted (the Y has been fabulous for this physical aspect of that)--all create an air of moodiness or even boredom I suppose. I am usually happy and busy and emotionally connected to people I love. However, sometimes I can sense how I am bored so I cause trouble. Where do I cause trouble?
Well I act out in not eating all three meals a day, or drinking too much coffee or Diet Coke...
I act out in being argumentative because there's nothing else to do.
I act out in over thinking every aspect of my life- the past 26 years and then next 26 years to come that I have no real control over. Doing this makes me sad, frustrated and just overall not the happiest person to be around. (While, I do support being introspective I do recognize a healthy medium in that process.)
I act out by not praying enough. Resting my prayers on "Lord, I seek your Will" instead of also petitioning for desires, dreams, closure, changes, healing, friendships, etc...
I act out by not keeping up with my household chores like maintaining a clean room, bathroom, or doing laundry AND PUTTING SAID CLEAN LAUNDRY AWAY.
I act out by not calling people back. By ignoring phone calls or text messages. (What is so ironic as I finished typing this sentence Emily called me, and said "Girl, WTF, are you coming tomorrow?"I never called her back to say "yes, I will see you Friday"...we laughed, but seriously thought I did call her back).
I act out by giving too much advice to people, by drawing too much attention to my friends and their situations and not enough time being constructive in my own life. This is a trouble area. If you are my friend and reading this, please do not send me emails about your frustration with me recently in this area. I know, I know, I know. I'm working on it. ;O)
While this list could go on, its just a stepping point. Sometimes I struggle with only one item on the list at a time, and other times I feel the entire weight of every little thing I could change, every little time I could be better then the mood- and yet sink into a funk, and then the ever changing and growing weight of seeking a purpose for this time that I feel called to live in... sometimes the purpose is not the exciting aspect of traveling...sometimes and especially when at home for a month it was about living at home, loving the people in my community, talking about my day to someone I lived with and not just random strangers like I did when I traveled solo, laughing at the dog-cat-friends---myself, resting for the cold that plagued my immune system, driving in the beauty of the mountains, those down moments and down days? I can take 'em. They come and go, but what remains is what matters. Being real. Being true. Being complicated. Being still. Being here and knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...today. We will get to tomorrow...tomorrow. (or at least in January when I get back from Thailand).
So 101 times this blog has been viewed. Even if mostly by myself, I can say that from reading it I have learned a lot by the thought process and the nature of things I found worth taking note of. While learning from our friends is important, and having family to support and facilitate growth, I have truly found in the time returning to this space has been encouragement to myself to keep going, to keep dreaming, and to keep people connected to those dreams, changes, and potential...because while nothing out of the ordinary happened today (with the exception of my psychical location being in Ohio), if we can't savor these simple days and find joy in them, what is the point?
10.23.2007
David Cameron's Birth
Today is David Cameron Holmes' birthday. Today he turns 28 years old. Happy Birthday there friend. Another year, and we made it! Tonight we celebrated with house dinner in the usual fashion and Mandy made her deliciously comfortable lasagna... and we talked for awhile. A few of us were missing for various but not having 8 or 9 people crammed around the dinner table is definitely more conducive to conversation.
This afternoon I took a little drive to Roanoke to have coffee with the amazing Mary Pendleton Stafford. How I love thee. It amazes me how the Lord orchestrates things in our lives from the big to the very little...as I sat with Mary in her very cute kitchen I was just taken aback by the span of our conversation and how despite the differences in our lives, I could relate, I felt like I was heard, and I was understood. And even more importantly I felt challenged. To be better, to see clearer, and to keep moving up and through what my life is right now. Being complacent is not enough, and to be frustrated in situations I am not pursuing to change is not productive.
It's strange though how one person can stimulate all sorts of thoughts and feelings long after your time shared together has transpired. I drove home and while I do not like the sound of 'fester', some insights do stick and they start to crawl into your skin and you can tell that the Lord is inspiring some sort of change. Some sort of movement. Probably enough that I felt even a little moody on my way home because I could sense changes that I knew were time to make, and light was shed on the journey at hand. I felt encouraged by the things Mary said about growth, at looking back two years, and one year from today. It is priceless to have someone in your life that you can present yourself completely unedited and uncensored...there are boundaries in all friendships, pride issues when we are trying to vulnerable, but Mary? For some reason she is one of those women that I've been able to be blunt with to the point at times, that it is like being blunt with myself for the first time.
Who does that for you? Who has the Lord placed in your life and in conversation you have felt the itch to be better, the spark to edit somethings out of your life, or just face things you've been avoiding? I suppose its not always the same person and that sometimes days or weeks can go by before we are touched in such a profound way. I pray that you treasure who they are, that you don't avoid them, and that you are used as a catalyst in a similar fashion with men or women in your community.
So while conversation was great for my soul, I did not do a great job in taking care of my body today. I didn't have breakfast, had a small and crap lunch- drank too much Diet Coke and Coffee and then had dinner. I went to the Y today, and I know that I deserve the star I put on my fridge, I can now see how also not being good to myself was not good for my attitude either. It's so refreshing when you are able to see where moodiness can come from- makes you feel less crazy, and less manic that is for sure. If only we knew that while in the process of not drinking enough water, and not having enough nutrients in one day was going to make such a substantial movement on our attitude, we could remedy the problem before it became emotional. Only if I could learn this lesson.
Tomorrow I am getting in the car and heading to Springfield, Ohio to see my friend and Boo, Kerri. I get to spend some time with this special friend, and then see Mark on Friday. I will then travel to Indy to see Emily on the weekend, and then down to Lexington, KY to see Jules on Sunday...then back on Monday. It is going to be a whirlwind for sure, but I am looking forward to the friends I will see, touch, and talk to...while the idea of isolation and relaxation at some tropically warm and mild climate sounds amazing, and an idea that was entertained this past weekend- I am thankful that I chose friendship. Community. Conversation. Reconnection. Hugs. Fellowship. I mean, seriously- pool fabulous. But all of you? Simply fantastic- and exactly what this heart needs.
This afternoon I took a little drive to Roanoke to have coffee with the amazing Mary Pendleton Stafford. How I love thee. It amazes me how the Lord orchestrates things in our lives from the big to the very little...as I sat with Mary in her very cute kitchen I was just taken aback by the span of our conversation and how despite the differences in our lives, I could relate, I felt like I was heard, and I was understood. And even more importantly I felt challenged. To be better, to see clearer, and to keep moving up and through what my life is right now. Being complacent is not enough, and to be frustrated in situations I am not pursuing to change is not productive.
It's strange though how one person can stimulate all sorts of thoughts and feelings long after your time shared together has transpired. I drove home and while I do not like the sound of 'fester', some insights do stick and they start to crawl into your skin and you can tell that the Lord is inspiring some sort of change. Some sort of movement. Probably enough that I felt even a little moody on my way home because I could sense changes that I knew were time to make, and light was shed on the journey at hand. I felt encouraged by the things Mary said about growth, at looking back two years, and one year from today. It is priceless to have someone in your life that you can present yourself completely unedited and uncensored...there are boundaries in all friendships, pride issues when we are trying to vulnerable, but Mary? For some reason she is one of those women that I've been able to be blunt with to the point at times, that it is like being blunt with myself for the first time.
Who does that for you? Who has the Lord placed in your life and in conversation you have felt the itch to be better, the spark to edit somethings out of your life, or just face things you've been avoiding? I suppose its not always the same person and that sometimes days or weeks can go by before we are touched in such a profound way. I pray that you treasure who they are, that you don't avoid them, and that you are used as a catalyst in a similar fashion with men or women in your community.
So while conversation was great for my soul, I did not do a great job in taking care of my body today. I didn't have breakfast, had a small and crap lunch- drank too much Diet Coke and Coffee and then had dinner. I went to the Y today, and I know that I deserve the star I put on my fridge, I can now see how also not being good to myself was not good for my attitude either. It's so refreshing when you are able to see where moodiness can come from- makes you feel less crazy, and less manic that is for sure. If only we knew that while in the process of not drinking enough water, and not having enough nutrients in one day was going to make such a substantial movement on our attitude, we could remedy the problem before it became emotional. Only if I could learn this lesson.
Tomorrow I am getting in the car and heading to Springfield, Ohio to see my friend and Boo, Kerri. I get to spend some time with this special friend, and then see Mark on Friday. I will then travel to Indy to see Emily on the weekend, and then down to Lexington, KY to see Jules on Sunday...then back on Monday. It is going to be a whirlwind for sure, but I am looking forward to the friends I will see, touch, and talk to...while the idea of isolation and relaxation at some tropically warm and mild climate sounds amazing, and an idea that was entertained this past weekend- I am thankful that I chose friendship. Community. Conversation. Reconnection. Hugs. Fellowship. I mean, seriously- pool fabulous. But all of you? Simply fantastic- and exactly what this heart needs.
10.19.2007
In Two Years
In two years what will I think about my life during this time? I think about my life two years ago, I think about the image that comes to mind- and I am both thankful for the Grace from the Lord that allows us to grow and change...but I think of the very difficult emotional time I was going through. I had just returned from California just two months before as what I felt at the time, a completely different person. The trials in the trauma of losing someone as particularly unique as I was going through proved to be quite the emotional challenge. No doubt that grief alone is difficult, but I don't think I will ever really be able to see in an objective way the toll grief took on my heart, my relationships with my family, my friendships around me, and the way I felt about my relationship with Christ. Two years ago in October 2005 I was just trying to pull myself together and keep focused. Focused on what? I have no idea. Normalcy. Movement. Distraction. Healing from Christ alone.
In two years what will I be able to identify as my focus during October 2007? I have now been in Lexington for almost a month. A detour I had not anticipated. A destination I did not plan to visit for more then days at a time. The routine of going was comfortable and cathartic, staying? Staying was opening up a whole new part of this adventure I wasn't prepared for. I postponed a trip to Saranac because I just felt like being home was important. I didn't have any elaboration to it then that. Just felt like it was something I needed to do. Investing in my home life, watching the transition happen with Jen and Mandy switching out, to see the everyday... now I am preparing to head out to Kentucky for a week, and do some fun "work", visit friends, and in a weird way reintroduce myself into society. Oh the accessibility larger towns and cities have, which I got so accustomed to while living in CT, and then when I've been able to travel over the past three months. The Starbucks'! The Targets! The Cheesecake Factory's! Fantastic Options!
This week has been a good week. I successfully healed from my cold, I don't need the assistance of Nyquil to help me get through 8 hours of rest at night, and my days have not been occupied with thoughts of laziness or "what should I do today?". My dad has been down here since Monday- and I always enjoy his visits. Before he arrived I tackled the garage with some help from a friend, that even suggested "hey, why don't we organize your garage tomorrow". Seriously people, what a great friend. I had struggled for months with the "storage unit" business I've been running out of the garage for everyone moving it and out, and moving around. In only one hour the garage was straightened out, things were thrown away, and a garbage bag full of leaves were swept up. To finish the job, we even went the dump before resting for lunch.
Stan the Man showed up in the afternoon, perfectly timed with the last batch of double chocolate chip cookies I made for his time here. The days have been filled with misc. town errands, a trip to Richmond to meet up with my brother and sister in law for dinner, and just hanging out at the house. While his search for post-Connecticut living options continues, I am encouraged by the idea of having a parent live near by in the future. While my personal journey is unknown, and where I might end up could change a thousand times before a box is even packed, it is my prayer that I would be able to enjoy living here in this place for awhile longer, especially with the possible addition of my father.
In other news life is quiet. Emotionally, I am still being stretched. I am still aware that everyday is a gift that I get to live this adventure. I am not aching for productivity in a way that causes me to go stir crazy with anxiety, I am moving along and enjoying this time. I have had some difficult conversations with friends- and at times may have pushed the envelope a little too hard. I have been given encouragement in knowing glances and empathetic eyes as I tell random stories, and continue to be vulnerable. I have stumbled in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing all together, and I have triumphed in not editing myself, being bold, honest, and completely clueless all at the same time.
In Two Years.
What will you remember about where you are right now? What questions will you be battling out in your life? What doubts will be attaching themselves to your Faith, in friends, in family, in purpose, in yourself, or your Faith in Christ?
What songs will be important to you? As a lover of music that touches my heart I often smile when I come across a CD I made in the past with all the songs that were important to me during that time. The feelings flood back and sometimes can rip your heart open with the chord they strike. That is what music has always done to me. What does that for you?
Who will you call friend, foe, husband/wife, roommate or acquaintance's? Who will you have wished you told you loved, wish you hadn't let go, and who will you be able to extend your hand out to and still touch?
Where will you be? Where will your home stand, and how will you feel pulling your car into the driveway? Will you wish for the ocean, dream of the mountains, or hope for the house you grew up in-where your first memories of what a house can be were created...the place your heart changes four walls into an all encompassing structure of family. Community. Security. Love.
Who knows what waits us in two hours, two days, or two weeks. In two months, I know that for myself I should be packing my bags preparing for the trip of a lifetime... I will be leaving for Thailand and opening my eyes far beyond my grandest imagination could articulate.
A never ending journey it is. How grateful I am for the opportunity and TIME to reflect on the moments as they pass. To hold them. To question them. To love the people who are part of them. Two years, life I pray would be equally fulfilling- but hopefully astounding in more growth in Christ.
A particular song just came up on my IPOD that is fitting when reflecting on life in the present and life lived in the past. As one to connect with the lyric set to the motion and magic of music, I will include the lyrics to a great song below. It's a song called "On My Bones" and it is written and performed by Kendall Payne, a Christian artist (bold and italics are my addition to the lyrics)...
What these years have brought me
What these years have taught me
Heartache and fame
A chance to change
A Hope to be stronger
That beauty can smolder
A stage and a curtain
That nothings for certain
Oh these years have been hard on my bones
What this world has brought me
What this world has taught me
Senseless spinning
Never tie instead of winning
Ice cream for licking
The clock's always ticking
No one is free
Someone must have a key
Oh this world has been hard on my bones
All this time
I'd been seeking my own
Oh this road has been hard on my bones
What this love has brought me
What this love has taught me
Patience in battle
Who's in the saddle?
Joy and dispair
That I really do care
Uncertain desire
The risk going higher
Yeah this love has been hard on my bones
What this God has brought me
What this God has taught me
Passion and grace
How to stand in one space
Laughing at lilies
What truly fulfills me
Death on a cross
It was I that was lost
Oh this God has been life to these bones
Oh this God has been life to my bones
Yes this God has been life to my bones
In two years what will I be able to identify as my focus during October 2007? I have now been in Lexington for almost a month. A detour I had not anticipated. A destination I did not plan to visit for more then days at a time. The routine of going was comfortable and cathartic, staying? Staying was opening up a whole new part of this adventure I wasn't prepared for. I postponed a trip to Saranac because I just felt like being home was important. I didn't have any elaboration to it then that. Just felt like it was something I needed to do. Investing in my home life, watching the transition happen with Jen and Mandy switching out, to see the everyday... now I am preparing to head out to Kentucky for a week, and do some fun "work", visit friends, and in a weird way reintroduce myself into society. Oh the accessibility larger towns and cities have, which I got so accustomed to while living in CT, and then when I've been able to travel over the past three months. The Starbucks'! The Targets! The Cheesecake Factory's! Fantastic Options!
This week has been a good week. I successfully healed from my cold, I don't need the assistance of Nyquil to help me get through 8 hours of rest at night, and my days have not been occupied with thoughts of laziness or "what should I do today?". My dad has been down here since Monday- and I always enjoy his visits. Before he arrived I tackled the garage with some help from a friend, that even suggested "hey, why don't we organize your garage tomorrow". Seriously people, what a great friend. I had struggled for months with the "storage unit" business I've been running out of the garage for everyone moving it and out, and moving around. In only one hour the garage was straightened out, things were thrown away, and a garbage bag full of leaves were swept up. To finish the job, we even went the dump before resting for lunch.
Stan the Man showed up in the afternoon, perfectly timed with the last batch of double chocolate chip cookies I made for his time here. The days have been filled with misc. town errands, a trip to Richmond to meet up with my brother and sister in law for dinner, and just hanging out at the house. While his search for post-Connecticut living options continues, I am encouraged by the idea of having a parent live near by in the future. While my personal journey is unknown, and where I might end up could change a thousand times before a box is even packed, it is my prayer that I would be able to enjoy living here in this place for awhile longer, especially with the possible addition of my father.
In other news life is quiet. Emotionally, I am still being stretched. I am still aware that everyday is a gift that I get to live this adventure. I am not aching for productivity in a way that causes me to go stir crazy with anxiety, I am moving along and enjoying this time. I have had some difficult conversations with friends- and at times may have pushed the envelope a little too hard. I have been given encouragement in knowing glances and empathetic eyes as I tell random stories, and continue to be vulnerable. I have stumbled in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing all together, and I have triumphed in not editing myself, being bold, honest, and completely clueless all at the same time.
In Two Years.
What will you remember about where you are right now? What questions will you be battling out in your life? What doubts will be attaching themselves to your Faith, in friends, in family, in purpose, in yourself, or your Faith in Christ?
What songs will be important to you? As a lover of music that touches my heart I often smile when I come across a CD I made in the past with all the songs that were important to me during that time. The feelings flood back and sometimes can rip your heart open with the chord they strike. That is what music has always done to me. What does that for you?
Who will you call friend, foe, husband/wife, roommate or acquaintance's? Who will you have wished you told you loved, wish you hadn't let go, and who will you be able to extend your hand out to and still touch?
Where will you be? Where will your home stand, and how will you feel pulling your car into the driveway? Will you wish for the ocean, dream of the mountains, or hope for the house you grew up in-where your first memories of what a house can be were created...the place your heart changes four walls into an all encompassing structure of family. Community. Security. Love.
Who knows what waits us in two hours, two days, or two weeks. In two months, I know that for myself I should be packing my bags preparing for the trip of a lifetime... I will be leaving for Thailand and opening my eyes far beyond my grandest imagination could articulate.
A never ending journey it is. How grateful I am for the opportunity and TIME to reflect on the moments as they pass. To hold them. To question them. To love the people who are part of them. Two years, life I pray would be equally fulfilling- but hopefully astounding in more growth in Christ.
A particular song just came up on my IPOD that is fitting when reflecting on life in the present and life lived in the past. As one to connect with the lyric set to the motion and magic of music, I will include the lyrics to a great song below. It's a song called "On My Bones" and it is written and performed by Kendall Payne, a Christian artist (bold and italics are my addition to the lyrics)...
What these years have brought me
What these years have taught me
Heartache and fame
A chance to change
A Hope to be stronger
That beauty can smolder
A stage and a curtain
That nothings for certain
Oh these years have been hard on my bones
What this world has brought me
What this world has taught me
Senseless spinning
Never tie instead of winning
Ice cream for licking
The clock's always ticking
No one is free
Someone must have a key
Oh this world has been hard on my bones
All this time
I'd been seeking my own
Oh this road has been hard on my bones
What this love has brought me
What this love has taught me
Patience in battle
Who's in the saddle?
Joy and dispair
That I really do care
Uncertain desire
The risk going higher
Yeah this love has been hard on my bones
What this God has brought me
What this God has taught me
Passion and grace
How to stand in one space
Laughing at lilies
What truly fulfills me
Death on a cross
It was I that was lost
Oh this God has been life to these bones
Oh this God has been life to my bones
Yes this God has been life to my bones
10.11.2007
Sniffles
So...the power of Nyquil. It's an amazing thing really- after about 30 minutes my eyes have started to get heavy and my mouth is so dry. Last night was the first night I used the medicine to help aid my sniffing, coughing, sneezing, runny nose can't sleep cold. I woke up this morning in such a fog, I could have sworn that everything I dreamt (and spell checker tells me that I spelled that wrong, but it won't give me the solution!) about last night really did happen, and that I had a lot of people to talk to today about the events that took place in my dream. Thankfully, I was able to snap out of it, come down off my bed which is much too high off the ground for my height, but its my princess bed and I love it. It was so cold in the house this morning, that before I was able to complain I indulged myself in the thought that the temperatures were finally going to coincide with the changing leaves and the visual Fall creates on the mountains here in Virginia.
Today is Thursday and my favorite Grey's Anatomy fans left the house not too long ago. Tomorrow, is another day that I am home with not much to do to occupy myself. Yesterday I took myself out to lunch and a movie, I was a fabulous date. Tomorrow I have my evening plans covered, which is not much different then the past two weeks. However, I need to figure out how to be productive tomorrow in a different way. I want to finish reading the book I started this week, perhaps I will buckle down and get through it.
For the weekend- I've got a few hours I agreed to work at camp. This will be my first time working since July 26th, and its funny to me that its at the camp store. I was needed, and I was available, so I said yes. I am not going to lie, its going to be strange. But I know that it will be good for me, and I am interested to see how I will feel being at the place I left for this unknown adventure, and to be useful again in a way I haven't been since leaving Staff. It's a North Carolina weekend, so I am slightly disappointed that I won't see smiling Virginia Staff friends, but just as well, less questions to answer about why I am there!
My dad comes down on Monday, and I am excited for his visit. I am sure he has a complete to do list about things he'd like to accomplish, places he wants to check out, etc... I am hoping I can continue some normalcy in my social calender, like House Dinner and such. I've got good things going on right now, and the following week I will be out of town and miss them all again.
I'd love to be able to articulate all the random thoughts that have been traveling around my head the past week. I suppose the best way to describe how I am, and what I've been feeling is to say that I am feeling attached. I have the itch to head out of town again, and I feel like I should b/c I have the time to go- so GO KARI JUST GO. But the nagging feeling at my heart is the attachment that I have prayed to feel about anywhere, anything has begun...except its creating ties in the last place I thought it would. I had so dearly hoped that all the places I saw, and people I visited would stir up thoughts and dreams of creating a new home and a new life. I think I hoped this would happen because it would be easier then to see a life I so dearly loved, change in my absence at camp, and into something new...it is one thing to still do what you are doing where you are, but what do you do when you change what you are doing but still live where you lived and love who you loved- and your doing is different? Ok that probably only made sense to me, thats ok. I always corrolate the thought that "Kari, you are in Lexington because you worked at camp, you never would have chosen here as the place to be without your job". When I took THE JOB out of the equation, I thought that would take THE ME out of the Lexington. I don't know if I'm being anxious about my future so I am trying to make things happen against what the Lord is desiring, or if the Lord is placing my attachment in my heart so that I will freely stay, or if the attachment is so that I will fully understand what I would be moving away from. Goodness Gracious.
I don't know if any of that made sense. But what does make sense is that I love the here. I want the there- I want to pack my bag and see it, but come home to here. I want my cold to go away, I want to be able to wake up tomorrow without a Nyquil hangover...I want to feel useful and productive in a way that I haven't all week. I want my greater purpose from my day to not come at 5pm when I go work out at the Y, or when I hang out with my friends at night. I want to know what is going to happen in the future, and I want to be able to Google it and find out. I want the Lord to whisper more then "Kari, just believe", I want the scream, flashing lights, the oh so obvious this is your life's happiness you just have to go this way. I want to be secure and content in this transition and know that the purpose for this time is greater then me just on this new self discovery, that the people who love me and are walking with me are drawing themselves closer to their awareness as well. I want a lot of things...
I have a lot of things. I have faith. I have purpose. I have a Lord who Loves me dearly, completely, and without reservation. And tonight at 11:38pm, and in the midst of my Nyquil taking effect, I must say... that those things are enough.
Today is Thursday and my favorite Grey's Anatomy fans left the house not too long ago. Tomorrow, is another day that I am home with not much to do to occupy myself. Yesterday I took myself out to lunch and a movie, I was a fabulous date. Tomorrow I have my evening plans covered, which is not much different then the past two weeks. However, I need to figure out how to be productive tomorrow in a different way. I want to finish reading the book I started this week, perhaps I will buckle down and get through it.
For the weekend- I've got a few hours I agreed to work at camp. This will be my first time working since July 26th, and its funny to me that its at the camp store. I was needed, and I was available, so I said yes. I am not going to lie, its going to be strange. But I know that it will be good for me, and I am interested to see how I will feel being at the place I left for this unknown adventure, and to be useful again in a way I haven't been since leaving Staff. It's a North Carolina weekend, so I am slightly disappointed that I won't see smiling Virginia Staff friends, but just as well, less questions to answer about why I am there!
My dad comes down on Monday, and I am excited for his visit. I am sure he has a complete to do list about things he'd like to accomplish, places he wants to check out, etc... I am hoping I can continue some normalcy in my social calender, like House Dinner and such. I've got good things going on right now, and the following week I will be out of town and miss them all again.
I'd love to be able to articulate all the random thoughts that have been traveling around my head the past week. I suppose the best way to describe how I am, and what I've been feeling is to say that I am feeling attached. I have the itch to head out of town again, and I feel like I should b/c I have the time to go- so GO KARI JUST GO. But the nagging feeling at my heart is the attachment that I have prayed to feel about anywhere, anything has begun...except its creating ties in the last place I thought it would. I had so dearly hoped that all the places I saw, and people I visited would stir up thoughts and dreams of creating a new home and a new life. I think I hoped this would happen because it would be easier then to see a life I so dearly loved, change in my absence at camp, and into something new...it is one thing to still do what you are doing where you are, but what do you do when you change what you are doing but still live where you lived and love who you loved- and your doing is different? Ok that probably only made sense to me, thats ok. I always corrolate the thought that "Kari, you are in Lexington because you worked at camp, you never would have chosen here as the place to be without your job". When I took THE JOB out of the equation, I thought that would take THE ME out of the Lexington. I don't know if I'm being anxious about my future so I am trying to make things happen against what the Lord is desiring, or if the Lord is placing my attachment in my heart so that I will freely stay, or if the attachment is so that I will fully understand what I would be moving away from. Goodness Gracious.
I don't know if any of that made sense. But what does make sense is that I love the here. I want the there- I want to pack my bag and see it, but come home to here. I want my cold to go away, I want to be able to wake up tomorrow without a Nyquil hangover...I want to feel useful and productive in a way that I haven't all week. I want my greater purpose from my day to not come at 5pm when I go work out at the Y, or when I hang out with my friends at night. I want to know what is going to happen in the future, and I want to be able to Google it and find out. I want the Lord to whisper more then "Kari, just believe", I want the scream, flashing lights, the oh so obvious this is your life's happiness you just have to go this way. I want to be secure and content in this transition and know that the purpose for this time is greater then me just on this new self discovery, that the people who love me and are walking with me are drawing themselves closer to their awareness as well. I want a lot of things...
I have a lot of things. I have faith. I have purpose. I have a Lord who Loves me dearly, completely, and without reservation. And tonight at 11:38pm, and in the midst of my Nyquil taking effect, I must say... that those things are enough.
10.06.2007
Domestic Goddess
I am a Domestic Goddess. Ok...I am not one yet. I aspire to be one. Yesterday after the Y, I got myself all motivated and pumped up to get the entire house and to do list done.
The list included:
1) Dishes
2) Laundry: clean, dry, fold, put away (something like 3 loads- towels, bath mats, clothes, etc)
3) Room/Bathroom
4) Pick up messes in the office: Gracie's stuffed animals had exploded in her triumph
5) Vacuum everything...everything
I started and kept going for three hours. I finally rested, and looked around with pride on all that I accomplished. I even changed the light bulbs in the track lighting over the sink. I had the replacements ready for three days waiting to remember to ask Tex to do it (he could change them without a chair, this was a far more convenient option).
I struggle with the list I maintain in my head sometimes. Not that I can't get it done. Just that I can't get it all done perfectly at the same time. From one day to the next things are good, and one thing is excellent-why can't I connect all things at all times. I think this also stems from my completely unrealistic expectations of myself and others. If I could just lighten up, and realize that my intentions don't get things done: my actions do, I think I'd be a lot happier.
I was successful with the list. I'd give myself an A. I left one load of laundry in the dryer that should have been folded, and one load in the washer that needed to be dried. This morning I picked up where I left off and kept going. For the most part I feel like I did a good job. I deserve a cookie.
It's hard maintaining a house. It's more then just me. It's me, Gracie, Theresa, and Mandy- full time occupants. BUT THEN its Matt, Tex for Part Time residence, and then the occasional Joel and Holmes. I am not complaining, but I suppose in making that statement I feel comforted that I am hosting and housing more then just me and one dog and two cats and two roommates.
Oh the Domestic Goddess in us all...it just keeps getting more and more refined. One day...it will all be excellent.
The list included:
1) Dishes
2) Laundry: clean, dry, fold, put away (something like 3 loads- towels, bath mats, clothes, etc)
3) Room/Bathroom
4) Pick up messes in the office: Gracie's stuffed animals had exploded in her triumph
5) Vacuum everything...everything
I started and kept going for three hours. I finally rested, and looked around with pride on all that I accomplished. I even changed the light bulbs in the track lighting over the sink. I had the replacements ready for three days waiting to remember to ask Tex to do it (he could change them without a chair, this was a far more convenient option).
I struggle with the list I maintain in my head sometimes. Not that I can't get it done. Just that I can't get it all done perfectly at the same time. From one day to the next things are good, and one thing is excellent-why can't I connect all things at all times. I think this also stems from my completely unrealistic expectations of myself and others. If I could just lighten up, and realize that my intentions don't get things done: my actions do, I think I'd be a lot happier.
I was successful with the list. I'd give myself an A. I left one load of laundry in the dryer that should have been folded, and one load in the washer that needed to be dried. This morning I picked up where I left off and kept going. For the most part I feel like I did a good job. I deserve a cookie.
It's hard maintaining a house. It's more then just me. It's me, Gracie, Theresa, and Mandy- full time occupants. BUT THEN its Matt, Tex for Part Time residence, and then the occasional Joel and Holmes. I am not complaining, but I suppose in making that statement I feel comforted that I am hosting and housing more then just me and one dog and two cats and two roommates.
Oh the Domestic Goddess in us all...it just keeps getting more and more refined. One day...it will all be excellent.
10.05.2007
Friendships and Bridges
It's now Friday, but to me, it is still Thursday b/c I have not gone to bed yet. I tried reading. I read a chapter. I tried laying in darkness...that lasted five minutes. My schedule is so out of wack. Tomorrow hopefully will help me start moving into a normal routine. I am doing the Y thing earlier in the day then I have all this week, which will be great. I need to start getting my day going at a more reasonable time, and not staying up all night.
Today was fun-- another day at home, went to the Y for a good solid hour workout and then came home. I love how this house has a rotating door to it, and while sometimes its good to just be here without visitors...I do love how welcoming it is to everyone. Sometimes I wonder if I stopped picking up snacks and sodas, if the population would diminish, or if they'd just bring their own goodies.
I was cranky this week, as I have previously posted...and tonight I apologized to a friend I was particularly snippy with. I hate apologizing, b/c I am sure you know this- I am perfect. I say all the right things, I have all the right intentions...I am perfect. Well, in theory only. I have tried to address things as they happen, but tonight was the first time I could really say "hey this is why I snapped at you", and that was hard. It was more then the ABC's of crankiness. I had to open up about the bigger picture and ways that I had felt emotionally stressed. The conversation went well, and I'm glad that the friend was such a great listener.
It made me think about apologies, mistakes, quick words that are hurtful or sarcastic, and the whole dance that is a friendship. We assume that our intentions are always good, or at least we hope that they are- and while we may wish to hide behind conversations or situations, I think we all hope we are transparent and that our friends will love us anyway.
I started to think about friendships I have had that have died, and what the cause of it was. I know that relationships are cycles of life, that is actually something my brother used to talk to me a lot about upon graduating high school. He was realistic, almost painfully so to my optimistic heart. He spoke about the friendships we have that will always be there, those that change- and how its healthy as you grow up that your closest friends would change. There's no rhyme or reason to it, and while painful its also productive. Obviously, I softened his stance in my writing of his perspective, but that is the gist that I took away. He was probably much more blunt then my explanation. But it doesn't matter the package the thought comes in, he's right. I have had some amazing friendships in my life, and recently I have been able to enjoy them in entire new ways. The lack of distraction and commitment to work has allowed me time to hang out, to talk, to send emails, to be in touch. I have been so encouraged by the responses, and have felt the Lord blessing me through the contact.
However, what about those that have slipped through our fingers? Do those people know that we will always care about them, wish well for them, and if needed we would show up? Is it an apology that we owe to them? "I'm sorry I was so busy", "I'm sorry I didn't listen to what you were trying to say", "I'm sorry I never called you back". I wonder how many amazing friendships I have grown apart from simply because I was never able to connect my thought and care for them into action.
I suppose the biggest lesson to remember is that while our friendships and relationships do change, as we grow, move, get hurt by them, or simply distance ourselves- we must remember not to burn bridges. Not severing ties that we may need again, or may be renewed in another change of events or phase of life. I find encouragement in knowing that the people I miss, that I wonder about, may one day re-enter...and if that is possible because the Lord presented the opportunity--amazing, but I would be devastated to think it didn't happen because I burned the bridge in being prideful or not being honest about my feelings.
The cheesy and poignant song by the Judd's "Love Can Build a Bridge" speaks true to the power of love and friendship- as in the verse:
"I'd gladly walk across the desert
With no shoes upon my feet
To share with you the last bite
Of bread I had to eat
I would swim out to save you
In your sea of broken dreams
When all your hopes are sinkin
Let me show you what love means-
Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine"
So...the mystery of friendships...the I miss you's, I love you's, I need you's, I'm sorry's, and I'll be there for you's...may never make sense to me why some last and others don't. In the mean time it is my prayer that I will remember to take the care and connect it with action, and that I will remember apologizing for even a simple cranky snip comment can save a moment...and the Bridge between their heart and mine.
Today was fun-- another day at home, went to the Y for a good solid hour workout and then came home. I love how this house has a rotating door to it, and while sometimes its good to just be here without visitors...I do love how welcoming it is to everyone. Sometimes I wonder if I stopped picking up snacks and sodas, if the population would diminish, or if they'd just bring their own goodies.
I was cranky this week, as I have previously posted...and tonight I apologized to a friend I was particularly snippy with. I hate apologizing, b/c I am sure you know this- I am perfect. I say all the right things, I have all the right intentions...I am perfect. Well, in theory only. I have tried to address things as they happen, but tonight was the first time I could really say "hey this is why I snapped at you", and that was hard. It was more then the ABC's of crankiness. I had to open up about the bigger picture and ways that I had felt emotionally stressed. The conversation went well, and I'm glad that the friend was such a great listener.
It made me think about apologies, mistakes, quick words that are hurtful or sarcastic, and the whole dance that is a friendship. We assume that our intentions are always good, or at least we hope that they are- and while we may wish to hide behind conversations or situations, I think we all hope we are transparent and that our friends will love us anyway.
I started to think about friendships I have had that have died, and what the cause of it was. I know that relationships are cycles of life, that is actually something my brother used to talk to me a lot about upon graduating high school. He was realistic, almost painfully so to my optimistic heart. He spoke about the friendships we have that will always be there, those that change- and how its healthy as you grow up that your closest friends would change. There's no rhyme or reason to it, and while painful its also productive. Obviously, I softened his stance in my writing of his perspective, but that is the gist that I took away. He was probably much more blunt then my explanation. But it doesn't matter the package the thought comes in, he's right. I have had some amazing friendships in my life, and recently I have been able to enjoy them in entire new ways. The lack of distraction and commitment to work has allowed me time to hang out, to talk, to send emails, to be in touch. I have been so encouraged by the responses, and have felt the Lord blessing me through the contact.
However, what about those that have slipped through our fingers? Do those people know that we will always care about them, wish well for them, and if needed we would show up? Is it an apology that we owe to them? "I'm sorry I was so busy", "I'm sorry I didn't listen to what you were trying to say", "I'm sorry I never called you back". I wonder how many amazing friendships I have grown apart from simply because I was never able to connect my thought and care for them into action.
I suppose the biggest lesson to remember is that while our friendships and relationships do change, as we grow, move, get hurt by them, or simply distance ourselves- we must remember not to burn bridges. Not severing ties that we may need again, or may be renewed in another change of events or phase of life. I find encouragement in knowing that the people I miss, that I wonder about, may one day re-enter...and if that is possible because the Lord presented the opportunity--amazing, but I would be devastated to think it didn't happen because I burned the bridge in being prideful or not being honest about my feelings.
The cheesy and poignant song by the Judd's "Love Can Build a Bridge" speaks true to the power of love and friendship- as in the verse:
"I'd gladly walk across the desert
With no shoes upon my feet
To share with you the last bite
Of bread I had to eat
I would swim out to save you
In your sea of broken dreams
When all your hopes are sinkin
Let me show you what love means-
Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine"
So...the mystery of friendships...the I miss you's, I love you's, I need you's, I'm sorry's, and I'll be there for you's...may never make sense to me why some last and others don't. In the mean time it is my prayer that I will remember to take the care and connect it with action, and that I will remember apologizing for even a simple cranky snip comment can save a moment...and the Bridge between their heart and mine.
10.02.2007
Staff Fun Day
Oh Staff Fun Day...one of my favorite days of the year for the past four years running.
I was invited to participate in Rockbridge's staff fun day- even though I'm no longer on staff. The invite made my day the other day, and I am so glad that I went. I got up early, got dressed and out the door in my usual 20 minutes and headed into camp for bible study. I was a little anxious thinking that it was going to feel weird doing the work commute but not be working...but I found that go away when I saw so many faces that I have loved so much for four years in North Mountain gathering for Staff Bible Study. This morning was the kick off, and I got to see where it was headed, and for about an hour it didn't feel like a single thing had changed in my life...I was still part of Rockbridge.
Going off to bowling I was pumped, and came in 2nd place, behind the master Ken Huff who scored 199...I was an amazing ok not so amazing 126. BUT still...out of 30 people he and I were on top. Lunch was fun, and it was cool to feel so normal at a table and share a little tiny bit about where I've been and what I've seen. Really, just laughing at my friends and sharing glances that were all knowing and funny were the dominate activities at lunch.
I began to think about how we know people. There are some that are just surface based, and there are others that have carried you through with you on their backs- just trying to help you survive. At the table this afternoon I looked across at such people, some friends and strangers all at the same time. We can't know everyone intimately well, there's just not enough time in the day for starters, and then there are those we have to practice loving b/c the dynamics are just so different. I loved touching base with Becky about the store, and I felt parts of myself renew in being stimulated that way about Retail, and I loved talking to Doug about where I went in CA and knowing how much he would have loved the same experience if he had the opportunity at my age. I loved sitting next to Jana and not having to tell her every detail about everything just so she'd know, we could just sit and I could just love her and that was enough.
We can't undo knowing people, or remembering seeing them at their worst. When I feel my pride get in the way, I do wish to escape and start fresh somewhere. I have been less then impressed with my erratic moods and behaviors recently. I have felt myself guide from simple chill moments, into snappy cranky ones, into just laughing for no reason- or freaking out about a bug on the table. For the 2nd night in the row I could sense my moods change. I have been so stimulated the past four days with social interaction, that I wonder if what I learned in CA or traveling in general about being still and alone was starting to counteract the pace I was setting- and keeping. I feel better right now, and I'm thankful that I live with two women of God that I could sit with after dinner (sorry everyone for the house meeting we closed the door on), and talk about random stories, pray, laugh, snuggle with Gracie, all holed up in the office.
I am thankful for the office and the conversations that have taken place in just two days.
I am thankful for Staff Fun Day and the friends I have at Rockbridge that have loved me well, and the times I've grown in the reality of being flawed people in the midst of God's creation in the mountains.
I am thankful for house dinner and the nonsensical laughter that comes when you take five of us at a table and we can get inappropriate, serious, critical, and dumb within minutes of each other.
I am thankful that I have this home that is more then a house, its a place my heart has been stretched, a place I feel like is a home for Christ and the people who visit and live.
I am thankful for knowing glances from across the table from someone who is reading your face with empathy, understanding and just knowing what you think is funny and why without words.
I have found that I have more things to be thankful for then I can even count, and I have many people that fit into each category. I have been shown the strength of friendship this week in being home, and I have been shown the gifts we've been able to share while at Staff Fun Day today.
So despite the tid bit of crankiness at dinner time, I had a stellar day...and now I am sitting in the office looking across and seeing Gracie bob her head in trying to stay awake-and I am so thankful for you, you, and you. May God continue to show us how to love each other better, and may we recognize the small and big moments to be thankful for when we've loved each other well so far.
10.01.2007
The Switch of A Mood
Today was a day filled with a constant feeling of "Go"...don't stop. Just keeping moving onto the next thing. I woke up and shortly thereafter was called and the day began...helping Tex move out of the garage, assemble a dresser that required two trips to Lowe's, lunch with the boys- and an hour work out at the Y with the same boys- dinner at Katie's with the boys plus Theresa...and now home. I am sitting in the newly organized and placed Office in our house, and its so refreshing.
Crankiness. Today I was not cranky, it was fun and interactive...but somewhere along the way in the ride back to the house after dinner tonight the cranky switch got tripped, and I don't know why. Perhaps the changes and coordinating of chaos from this weekend finally caught up to me, but I'm just tired. I did not pass go and collect 200 dollars- I just walked into the house tonight and went straight for the shower...hoping in there somewhere that perhaps the fatigue, maybe even the strain from working out, or just the social interaction all day would be washed away with the hot water pouring down. It did help, but as I sit here I can feel my attitude wain in things that are not important and in details that I can not control.
I do not know what causes the change from one moment from a next, often times you can reflect on something someone did, or something they said- but what do you blame or pin it on when there's nothing? Just a simple change that takes an instant and all of a sudden anything you find less then thrilling becomes emotional.
Just a thought.
Crankiness. Today I was not cranky, it was fun and interactive...but somewhere along the way in the ride back to the house after dinner tonight the cranky switch got tripped, and I don't know why. Perhaps the changes and coordinating of chaos from this weekend finally caught up to me, but I'm just tired. I did not pass go and collect 200 dollars- I just walked into the house tonight and went straight for the shower...hoping in there somewhere that perhaps the fatigue, maybe even the strain from working out, or just the social interaction all day would be washed away with the hot water pouring down. It did help, but as I sit here I can feel my attitude wain in things that are not important and in details that I can not control.
I do not know what causes the change from one moment from a next, often times you can reflect on something someone did, or something they said- but what do you blame or pin it on when there's nothing? Just a simple change that takes an instant and all of a sudden anything you find less then thrilling becomes emotional.
Just a thought.
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