Thailand Photo Links

Here are the links to the photo albums:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15397&l=7e018&id=500271591

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15215&l=8eef4&id=500271591

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15210&l=76c82&id=500271591

Also, Holiday Photos from home are here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14640&l=4f2df&id=500271591

How I Feel

There is something about being on the water continuing to move further away from the coast that makes me feel so small. So far away from the comfort I am used to and the purpose I fulfill in my everyday life at home. I am in the middle of some amazing Sea in Thailand in Southeast Asia. And while I know that this moment and experience is grand- I know that more greatness waits and that is the part that I find drawing my dreaming-what if I did?-paint the future as I go- personality back into what home is. What home life could be. My dad made a point recently to me about sharing your life with someone and saving somethings for later- in that relationship. Posing the question to me in a matter of terms, "Kari, why so fast, and so much?". I replied with "because this is the time, and I can". I can appreciate that one day I will get married and be in a relationship that is so intense I cannot imagine right now, and how wonderful it will be to travel and to experience life with someone. Will the running end? Will I always want to keep moving so quickly, to squeeze it all in? How unrealistic am I?

But what I do know is that home, my home in Virginia that the closeness I feel to my community is enough for now. The balancing act and struggle at this point for me, being so far away is: how to connect those loved ones to this moment on the water? Connecting any sight seen beyond a photograph, any conversation to anyone besides reciting it back in stories are important, but they are always different. No true articulation, no true accurate description, will bring to life the green I see in the water, or the size of the bubbles in the surf can be conveyed to them or anyone who is not sitting along side me on this boat. I am thankful that on this adventure and journey I am sharing this ride with Mark, BC, and Tiffany. How to include you all? The sights, the sounds. I suppose what matters in the end is: how we feel., how we grow and how we change.

So dear loved ones across the plant: I feel small. I feel far away. I feel like I never could have planned this moment on my own. My imagination may never have dared to dream it into reality. I feel like the past 6 months have gone by in such a blur, and yet the times/days I spent driving into camp on a daily basis exist only in a different life. I miss home. I miss Gracie (oh puppy). And yet if given the option to travel from here to there in this moment I dare say I would choose to sit here, along port side of this boat watching the mainland drift further and further away and each small island slip past as we head to our destination: Phi Phi Island.

I feel like I see your faces in crowds of strangers. And I am remembering conversation I have had in the not so recent past about what this time in Thailand was going to be like. Hearing your insights to the intention behind the days and the things packing the itinerary seem like lifetimes ago. When joking about not wanting to return home in January or wanting to continue my time travel beyond what was originally planned- instead of feeding into to the gypsy and daydreamer in my heart you simply replied in your own way that I would return, that I would lay roots. That this time would come to an end.

I have prayed about that transition and I have tried to vision what that will look like...and today on this boat in this great big world, I feel small. I feel significant and challenged. I feel inspired and changed. I feel the Lord's mighty hand and master plan in my life and heart. My skin is damp from the salt water surf that sprays up in the breeze...I wish for little more than this.

Except perhaps to reach my hand out to yours, or to see the reflection of what I am seeing in your eyes. But this letter to you my dear friends with have to suffice.

Love.Love.

Island Life Is For Me 12/28-29

Gilligan's Island.
Lost.
The Beach.
Blue Crush.

The countless pop culture images come to mind as I have walked around this Island here in Thailand. The film "The Beach" was filmed in this island family and tomorrow we are going snorkeling around this area and will finish on Maya Bay, which is where Leonardo DiCaprio filmed his movie, which was not a great movie- but I do remember thinking when seeing it "Gosh, I wish to see something that beautiful someday". And look, here I am- its crazy.

Yesterday we took a hike to The Viewpoint. Ladies and Gentleman, even on a good day it would've kicked my butt, but STILL recovering from the leftover bronchitis left my lungs at such a depleted lung capacity I was sure I was not going to make it. Tiffany was great and kept pace with me so we could take breaks as we continued up the mountain, and upon Summit I did agree it was worth the pain. The view of the Island was pristine and seeing it from the perspective one has from up there was something I'll always remember. The point was also to reach the other side of the island to a sparsely populated beach where we spent the rest of the day enjoying lunch, swimming, and reading. The rocks that were strewn across the beach were beautiful, and I loved being able to see the bottom of the Sea because of the clarity in the water. It was fantastic. Last night we went to dinner on the water, saw Fire Dancers, and a little bit of Fireworks. It was really just a teaser for tonight.

We have spent hours floating and talking in the water which is not an Ocean here, its the Andaman Sea. The water is pristine, warm, and so blue you can't think of a single word to describe its illusions of depth and clarity. We've gone to the beach in the day, and have enjoyed meals on the beach in the evening. Tonight is New Years Eve, and its funny to think about the crowd that will be lining up in Times Square in the cold, while I sip a fun beverage in the middle of this tropical island. Of course it will be 2008 for me before the rest of you, so I think this means we get to celebrate twice here, again tomorrow at noon.

Today is my day of rest from the socialization that has dominated the itinerary. I wanted to update this blog and respond to messages in a more meaningful way, so I nestled in this Internet cafe with a bunch of others foreigners seeking a connection to home. I will go to the beach next and continue to soak up this island, and then get ready for the big party tonight.

Elephants and More: 12/25-12/27

BC, Mark, and I had our elephant dreams come true. After leaving the villages we were taken to the Elephant Camp, and took an hour tour. We crossed a river on the top of the elephants and we were giddy with joy. The trek up the side of the mountain and went along the side of the river bank and enjoyed conversation (BC and I shared), and would take photos of the scenery along the way. It was an amazing experience, words cannot describe.

After we had our rides we continued our trek back to Chiang Mai where we were able to stay out our driver's one room efficiency complex. Umm...it included a mattress, and a makeshift bathroom. The walls were bright blue, like the blue house in Goshen, VA, and it was probably the shadiest place I've ever stayed. If not for PLa's generosity and security the four of us never would have agreed to stay there, but it was safe, secure and most of all free.

He took us to the Night Market, and we chose to eat Western Fare: Pizza and French Fries. Um...the fries were good. Pizza not so much, but it wasn't rice and that was a good thing. The guy who owned the restaurant was from Ohio and spent his time in the service traveling, and fell in love with Thailand. He named his restaurant "Hell's Kitchen" and we read about his bio in the menu. He was definitely an interesting character that is for sure.

In the morning PLa and his wife made us a Thai breakfast in the morning which was delicious, although I picked out the pieces of squid in the soup! I am trying to get adjusted the food culture here, but no lie its a challenge.

The highlights of Chiang Mai come in the form of the touristy trap things, although they were fantastic to me. Ranging from where silver jewelry is made (scored a great pair of earrings and a ring at a fantastic price), umbrella making (so beautiful), and wood carving and furniture (I wanted an outdoor table and chairs so badly: for three grand it included freight to the States!...but no I did not buy it.).

The train ride was exponentially better for the way back because we had an air conditioned car, and boarded the train at 4pm instead of 10:30pm. Mark and I played Uno, had a Bacardi breezers, wrote postcards, and slept. We arrived back in Bangkok geared up for the day, and at 7am BC and I experienced something amazing: getting our hair washed and straightened for only 3 bucks! AMAZING, especially after 'roughing it' in the North!

Upon returning we had a day of pampering which included: the AM hair appt., manicure and pedicure, and a thai massage. No joke, the thai massage was the most unreal experience. While completely dressed you are worked on a room full of mats on tables and you are prodded and stretched by a blind Thai man. It was so painful, and I have bruises on my arms! How do you remember to say 'No' and 'Stop' in Thai when all you want to do is run away?? haha. All in all, the stretching was my favorite part and we all did it and survived.

The most special moment of the day came when we all went to the Orphanage that Tiffany volunteers at. The baby she was working with was adopted not too long ago so she was assigned a new one, and we got to meet him. I can't pronounce or really remember hisname right now, but I have refered to him as TBoo in pictures. He was precious, so little and was still enough to take photos of. I have uploaded several to facebook, and if you need a link to the blog I will post an entry of links to all photos here as a reference. It is difficult to upload photos sometimes online here.

Afterwards we headed to the Princess Sirivannavari's exhibit from her fashion runway show in Paris this year. It was beautifully presented and I really appreciated her aesthetic. She identifies much of herself to, and has adopted the Peacock as a visual point of reference for her art. She has also used more traditional Thai dress and translated that into a modern representation, and its all beautiful. It was a really neat thing to go see and I got a fruit smoothie on our way home which reminded me of Jamba Juice. I was delighted.

Baby Jesus and the Lisu Village

Christmas Eve was spent traveling north of Chiang Mai, with our guide Sarah and PLa our driver to the Lisu Village. We first stopped at the Orphanage where Sarah coordinates the safety and security of young children in the area. She has 10 or so children at the orphanage we visited, and we got to listen to them sing songs, and visited with them a bit. BC, Mark, Tiffany and I sang Silent Night and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer to the children and taught them a game. Sarah was our translator as the lady working in the Orphanage, our driver, and the children included did not speak English.

After the stop with the kids we continued on our way to the Village. We arrived in the dark and followed the way down the hill to the hut we were staying in for the night. Three ladies cooked us a meal of rice, beans, black chicken, and fresh papaya. Black Chicken is typically used only for special occasions, so these tribe people really went all out for our arrival. We spent the night in one of their huts with cardboard for a ceiling, it was definitely not the most luxurious accommodations, but the gesture behind the offering was very moving.

We all crashed quite early and I woke up a few times in the night and one time went outside and saw the brightest moon in the sky I have ever seen. I could see well into the valley and could make out the outline of the mountains before me. It was awe inspiring and one of those 'pinch me' moments that I have often found myself in as I have traveled this year. How did I end up in this place? What was I to learn from this particular stop in the journey? Would I be able to remember forever what the trees looked like in the moonlight? It was breathtaking. A perfect way to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Awaking to a rooster is not my favorite, but we all did around 8am and went outside to get warm. The man we were staying with put on the Backstreet Boys, which was classically funny. I think what struck me most about the Lisu village was the colliding of two worlds. They did not have elaborate homes, or a modern kitchen...but they did have a TV with a CD player and some electricity. No comfy mattresses, no built four walls- and yet they all walked around with cell phones. It was the strangest experience to watch.

Christmas morning breakfast included rice that combined with coconut milk and pan fried to be dipped in sugar, again a meal typically served once a year. With all of their gestures we were treated like royalty in their culture. It was a completely challenging experience- wanting comfort that is familiar, but accepting their offering with complete grace and appreciation.

After breakfast we went up to the playing field and welcomed the children of the village for treats we brought and games. We tried to teach them tag, it didn't quite go as we had planned. But 'Simon Says' was a true winner. We gave candy and cookies, and Tiffany made spiced apple cider- we sang songs, and we prayed for them. The Lisu people for the most part do practice Christianity so to celebrate Christmas with them was perfect.

We went to the village nearby that was 6 miles from Burma that was also celebrating the birth of Christ. There was a random Ferris wheel, and all of the food vendors were out and buzzing with their culinary creations. We met Amanda from Kansas who is in Thailand teaching at a local English School and is engaged to a Lisu man---the questions we all had were outstanding. "Why?" "Where are you getting married?" "How did you meet?" We tried to pace ourselves and not completely judge her, but it was just one of those things that I couldn't believe. But she seemed happy and excited!

Lunch where we stayed went well, and we packed up for the greatest thing ever: ELEPHANT RIDING!

Sunday 12/23 Day of Adjustment

Sunday was the day of adjustments...from the time change, to being off the airplanes, to culture I felt myself trying to catch up all day. For the most part we just hung out in the apartment of Tiffany's friend, and then went to the Train Station to board our 16 hour ride to Chaing Mai, which is a large city in Northern Thailand.

Stepping on the train I felt like I was in a scene from the movie "Darjeeling Express", although I did not see the movie, from what I understand from viewing of the preview of their transportation--I was on that train. It was surreal and completely not anything I have ever experienced, thus lending itself to the day of adjustment. We boarded the train at 10:30pm and slept through the night on it, waking up to another four hours on the train...I tried to sleep whenever I could but then felt so lazy. I suppose this was good in feeding the jet lag. 

Half Way Across the Globe and DUNKIN DONUTS

So to my joy and delight there was a Dunkin Donuts in the Seoul Airport. I successfully ordered an iced coffee and got a little bag of chocolate glazed munchkins. This brought a lot of comfort to me as I struggled to adjust myself to the different time zone and culture.

I ended up getting three hours of sleep the night before BC and I left for the Richmond airport...we were reunited with Mark in Atlanta and were able to begin the process of realization "we were finally on our way". All things considered the flight to Seoul wasn't that bad. We each had video monitors in the seats in front of us, so I watched three movies all at my own pace. There were games, digital music, etc... to keep us entertained and plenty of refreshments and meals along the way. By the end I was ready to be off the plane and walk around- so thankfully we had a few hours in the airport to gather our wits. BC slept for almost the entire lay over, Mark and I found the Dunkin Donuts and then took naps, and then we boarded for our 5 1/2 flight to Bangkok. At this point we had already been traveling for over 20 hours.

Korea Air- very friendly. I took my cough medicine and essentially went into deep sleep for the entire flight, it was fantastic. Not only was it sleep, it was restful sleep because of the extra pillows I scored, my soft blanket I had with me, and the empty row I was sitting in.

Arriving in Bangkok was a little like waking up in a strange dreamland. Tiffany met us on the other side of customs and the baggage claim- all of our bags arrived: Praise the Lord. The taxi ride to where we were staying was not eventful but it was great to hear about some things that are coming up in the next few days. I slept really well last night, again thanks in part to the cough medicine and the state of shear exhaustion.

Now we are just resting. Tonight we take a 12 hour train ride to Chiang Mai, Thailand. It's supposed to be cooler then the current 95 degree weather, and we're staying in a Village. There are not many known details as Tiffany has not been to this specific place before, but she is trusting her American friend to hook us up.

It's Almost Time.

Friends, it almost time for my big trip to Southeast Asia. 

I am sitting at BC's house in Richmond watching her pack for tomorrow, and I'm trying desperately to wrap my mind around this adventure I am about to embark on. Tonight Joel, Mandy, Matt, and Theresa came out here with me to have dinner and then return back to Lexington with my car. It was a quiet ride for the most part, but it was good to have the family car time. 

Today I woke up after sleeping through most of the night, which thrilled me to no end, and I just kept going. I never really stopped to take any sort of break or inventory in my mind about what was going on. I just had this continuous list of things to do, people to call back, what to leave behind, notes to write, etc...I accomplished everything on that list which was amazing...but it has left me still with the feeling of being overwhelmed and under prepared. It also put me in this quiet place in my mind where I just kept going over the things I felt I needed to do, and I focused a lot of energy doing just that over analytical process. 

I am tired now. It's time for rest, but due to the nature of the coming trip the later I stay up tonight, the better off I am for the plane ride tomorrow. I am nervous. I am anxious. I am excited. I think I'm mostly in denial- I can't believe its really happening. 

So things to pray for:

1) Continued healing as I still don't feel very well, and traveling could exacerbate this state of illness.

2) Safety in travel through Atlanta, Seoul, and finally in Bangkok.

3) Open heart and mind to all that is about to happen in this adventure.

Day by Day

So much to chat about. I have definitely crammed a lot of fun in the past 10 days since I have returned home from Florida. 

I have had the pleasure of hanging out and enjoying friends and lunches, chats, and laughs. The real highlight though comes in the form of this past weekend. Starting off the weekend was a baking fest on Thursday night to get ready for the Rockbridge Christmas Party at camp. It was an eclectic evening, we had a visitor that I assumed was a friend of Katie's but actually just got introduced to all of us that day, so that was a little awkward...haha. Friday I went to the Dr. and was given the first round of medicine for laryngitis and bronchitis- oh you know just the usual. I twisted my ankle in the dining hall at camp, but was still able to pull of excitement for the actual party. 

The real treat came in the after party at Malone's. It was so classic and yet so out of the ordinary in the same exact moment, is that possible? I think it was the first time this year that we were all there and accounted for...which lends to its fascinating quality of goodness. While cocktails were involved, as was a lot of laughter and roughly 200 photos taken of the entire evening. Some moments funnier then others, but seriously? I laughed so hard I had a headache and that was even without the goodness of the beverages making their impression. The night was delightful and as I returned home with the girls we could only laugh and be oh so thankful.

Saturday continued this "Family Weekend" with a great day to myself in the house doing misc. tasks for Christmas and Thailand, and then at night I threw the Chili party. It was great to be able to hang out again at the house, light the wood stove, play Yahtzee, and just chill out. Sunday came too quickly and Mandy and I had an opportunity to hang out, which has been so infrequent over the past few months, it was a delight.

In the evening I felt like I was losing my mind because I couldn't find things that I had tucked away for the gift exchange, and felt well loved in Matt's arrival in taking over what dinner was going to be, and Tex burning CD's that I needed, and for the overall attitude of service...capping off the evening was a viewing of the Bourne Ultimatum...amazing.

Monday I had lunch with Mary in Roanoke and enjoyed a fancy dinner out with the girls in Lexington. We got all dressed up and hit the town and got the boys to take photos of us in 2 locations! Tuesday I continued to get myself organized for my trip, and then welcomed House Dinner's Family Christmas Extravaganza. The gift exchange was fantastic, and there were many thoughtful things given...tears and laughter and just general goodness. I was deeply touched by my friends in the gestures in each unwrapped moment. 

Today Gracie got to go on her trip to Kentucky with Tex, and I cried. I felt like such an over emotional dork, but I couldn't help it. The tears started and just didn't end...I just love that dog. And honestly, its just hard to be with out her in all this travel. I went out to camp to drop off some things, and then headed up to my Dr. again to get different medicine. We're hoping I get a good nights rest tonight...

Tomorrow I head to Richmond at 5pm and will be dropped off there by Joel, Mandy, Theresa, and Matt. BC and I have a 6am flight to Atlanta which will reunite us with Mark, and then get us all together for our 2nd flight to Seoul which is something like 16 hours. 

A lot of thoughts as I prepare to leave for four weeks. I am sad that I am missing Christmas with my family, but the joy I have in my heart from celebrating Christmas this past weekend with my precious friends here in Lexington, leaves little room for sadness. I am continuing to pray that the Lord prepares my heart for my time away and that I'm able to let go and be wrapped up in the experience and time of growth.

Stay tuned. The best is yet to come. 

The Airport Shuffle

Sunshine State. I am sitting in the airport looking out at a line of palm trees and planes taxing in and out of the gates... it is simply mesmerizing.

I used to think I was magical. When I was little I was convinced that I could twinkle my nose and anything I desired would come true. I say I was convinced of this, because even though my nose twinkle did not work, I felt like practice made perfect and one day with this dream like attitude I would be successful. Who's to say I was wrong? 

I had a really busy week down here in Florida. I traveled between many places and saw lots of people, so really not much time was spent at the pool... which is ok. I went today and sat for about an hour and enjoyed it but knew it was time to get back to the house and get ready to head out to the airport. Among highlights were surely the people and conversation. I felt so blessed by my weekend in Ponte Vedra and my sweet friendship with Linda, and then to see Katie and Sanne--and enjoying a night of peace and quiet alone in Orlando was a treasure. My mom, my aunt, and sister were also great to see and I felt like I got some quality time with each of them. I enjoyed Jessica and Lee, and am delighted to hear that they are moving to the Atlanta area next Feb.! Yay, a car drive away! 

All in all, I came, I saw, I conquered, and now I am leaving. I return home tonight at 10pm, and will be in bed a couple of short hours later. I could not be more thrilled about that. Tomorrow is Sunday and I purposely planned my return on this weekend so that I could see Theresa on one of her days off, go to church with the crew, and enjoy a typical fun Sunday at home. I have misc. errands scheduled for the week ahead and I'm kind of excited about the normalcy.

If I could have a super human power I think I would want to experience super rapid time travel, or at least the ability to magically appear anywhere I so desire. Either of these would be great right now b/c I could go to the future and already be home, or I could just close my eyes, click my heels and appear in my living room. I am now in the Atlanta airport waiting for 8:00pm when I can get on the flight to Richmond. Then I arrive in Virginia and make the 2 hour trek to Lexington, which actually isn't all that bad considering its 2 hours in the car. 

So lots of thoughts about family, visits, and the future as I sit here people watching, Facebook stalking, and thinking of my trip in Florida. If you could have a super human power what would it be? Would you use it for good or for selfish ambition? 

Away from Home

(My Aunt Debbie and I)

I have enjoyed my time in Florida that is without question, and I love the family I get to see when I am here visiting. I have battled a bit of anxiety in the past month or two while traveling in my homesickness. I know that sounds bizarre but I just didn't expect in the continuation of "going", that I would ever tire and would get legitimately homesick. I worked through a little bit of it when I was in San Francisco in September, but understood that I'd feel that way because I had already been gone an entire month. But when I was in Connecticut on Monday morning, the day before I was set to drive back to Virginia I got all in a funk about being away from home. People...seriously...I was in a funk. I was going to be home in less than 40 hours and I couldn't rise above it. I eventually was able to get my self together and into NYC for the afternoon and when returned to my house in Lexington the following evening, I was completely content. 

These little bouts of emotional distress, while mild and completely ridiculous have lent to some frustration and anxiety in regards to my upcoming four week long trip to Thailand. I realize that the trip is going to be an opportunity and experience that is going to blow away all expectation, I completely am open to this notion. While, there are moments and days I can catch myself thinking cynically about going away for such a length of time or I think about the circumstances of this choice: missing Christmas with my family, being away from Lexington for New Years for the first time in three years, and the strain the time difference is going to make in some of my relationships. There are obviously so many more thoughts than just that above, and then I counteract all of them with pure exhilaration and anticipation.

In visiting with my mom and spending time with my Aunt I have been able to talk more reflectively and objectively about my life in Virginia and all that is contained on the pro and con lists about ever leaving the area, or benefits of staying. The assurance I have felt in regards to staying planted has definitely come in quiet moments at the house, in good conversations with Theresa, and even more so in times of being away enjoying friends and loved ones in person. As I recount funny stories, share challenges being met with Christ, or plans for the future I have sensed my future still remaining in Lexington. I have done much better this week at being away, so I feel encouraged as I return home tomorrow night to get my life together to leave for Thailand 12 days later. 

So anyway, just some thoughts that I have had this week about the challenges that I have been facing up to that I didn't expect. Life continues to be an adventure that I am ever grateful for and am enjoying the ride that is for certain. I have more moments that I go to pinch myself just to see if I'm sleeping because the days pass by in such bliss, surely- this isn't real life. But it is, and I have done everything I set out to do in the past 4+ months. To see friends, to see family, to see the ocean's, to lay on the beach, to read, to write, to laugh, to cry through difficulties, to be honest, to be open, to dream, to settle down, to have wings, to sit in bookstores, to hang out with my dog, to be quiet, to be alone, to be vulnerable, to be silly, to pull back, to push forward, to reconnect, to seek the Lord in all things- big and small, to be constructive with my time...to love, and to continue. 

While a 6 month Sabbatical is not the only avenue to do these things, surely the time in travel and movement have aided for all of those things to happen simultaneously, and in their own moments. I am thankful. And tomorrow I will leave Florida and return home, for which I joy brings my heart I can't even tell you. 

Boca Grande

I realize that I talk about my love of water and the ocean quite a bit. I know I write about it even more, as I've recently gone over past entries and noticed my association of self to water and the power I can connect to behind it. So it should go as no surprise that I so thoroughly enjoyed myself yesterday when I traveled north of Fort Myers to go to Boca Grande on Gasparilla Island. 

How did I find such a place? A friend of mine has vacationed there and their parents own a beach house, so it was a specifically recommended place to visit. These are the best places to go- the ones that you hear about from friends and family that know you well and want to share their own joy and experience with you. I have often thought the past few months about making a complete city by city guide of my favorite places to eat, things to see, noteworthy things about each place I happened to go, and compile it all together so that if I knew someone traveling to the same destination I could bestow them with my favorite things. While I have journal ed through this experience, I know that I have recounted thoughts, and feelings more then I have documented the what's, and the when's. It became a place I could recount much more of the emotional journey of the time away from home, time at home, and my vision, hopes, and desires for my future. I should have kept a side journal on each place I hung out in as to keep tabs of all the tidbits of information that we lose as we continue to move on from an experience. 

So anyway...Boca Grande. I loved it. The island itself is small and residential. I found my way to the beach and sat for awhile just enjoying the Gulf sway in and off the sandy beach. I people watched a little bit, as there weren't a lot of people to really pay attention to. I went to the lighthouse and took probably my favorite photos of the beach ever, and enjoyed the sights and sounds of the park. After spending time on the water I ventured into the small town on the island and went in and out of the shops, and so appreciated the leisure of the day in such a beautiful place. 

I saw a puppy being photographed for a flier advertising its cuteness and looking for a home. I wanted this puppy, I thought I could buy this puppy and take it home...I thought again and knew that was a ridiculous idea. But I did stop and chat for a bit and told the seller that I loved the dog and she suggested I buy it, I responded by saying "will it grow up into a Great Dane?" and she said no, it was a Jack Russell pup. The only dog I am allowed to purchase is a Great Dane for Theresa, so I kindly declined taking the 7 week old Jack and went along my day. It was classically funny, and it was completely myself. It made me laugh. 

Make New Friends but Keep the Old... la la

The song is true. Make new friends and keep the old. No need to get rid of completely fun friendships.

Tonight I had dinner at Jessica and Lee's house in Fort Myers. I met Jessica in the summer of 1987, or '88? I can't remember exactly when, but it was definitely something like 20 years ago. While our friendship has suffered in the distance between CT and FL, and the growing angst of two girls who couldn't always get along during a 2 week visit...we have sustained all injuries and are still friends...its amazing. Last year I went to her wedding and I sat there then, I was amazed that this friend I made when we were just little girls was now wearing white and exchanging vows. I was thankful and humbled by God's grace in our lives and how friendship that is true never fades...even if there are times of life that we aren't close. 

It is no wonder then that we always come back to people who know us, and people that love us. We laughed about random memories of Pop Rocks, misc. stupid fights we had--and could enjoy that we've grown up but still had the childlike enthusiasm we did in our youth. She is preparing to relocate for her husbands job to the Atlanta area, and I could not be more excited--a car ride away! 

This night got me to thinking about who I will sit with in the future that I will be able to say "I met you 20 years ago"...who in my life right now will I know when I am in my 40's? In what capacity will these friends be? Will they play Aunts and Uncles to my children? Will we have been in each others weddings, or live near each other? I know that friendships in Christ there are no goodbyes, and I feel that message really resonate with me this week while in Florida. Having lunch with Sanne and Katie in St. Augustine and now dinner with Jessica I am reminded that rooting our lives in Christ means also rooting our relationships- and those endure circumstances, distances, hurtful words, and life just being busy. I am thankful for those relationships, and I try not to take them for granted despite my overly committed schedule.  

So to friends. The new, the old, the sisters, the brothers, the mentors, the late night ones you can call to talk about nothing, the friends you can't live with out, the friends you see once a year and pick right up from where you left off, the friends that encourage you to be better than the current version, and the friends that carry you through all that life brings... 

I am thankful for them all, and tonight especially for friends that make it through distance, time, and growth like Jessica.

St. Augustine Reunion

 Today I had lunch with Alyssanne and Katie in St. Augustine! It was fantastic! I met up with them and had a delicious meal and chatted about all that has happened in our lives since July. The greatest thing about it was the fact, the three of us have never lived together or even really near each other, but because of Young Life camping we met and became friends. Katie used to help out at Rockbridge on weekends, and we'd chat every time she was at camp, and we've stayed in touch through the years and then she interned at Windy Gap this past summer so I got to enjoy seeing her when visiting. Alyssanne was a year long intern at Windy Gap that I met last fall when visiting Caroline, and we just hit it off and enjoyed visits through the school season both at Windy Gap and up at my house in Lexington. Now that they are both living in St. Augustine we just had to have a get together lunch! 

The Lord has blessed me with many friends, and and lots of people that I have had the opportunity to love in all seasons of life. Yet, every so often we meet people that we just strike a re pore with and can pick up with whenever we see each other easily, no matter the length of time between the visit or conversation. Those friends are special, and these two ladies are like that. I enjoy them tremendously, and felt to blessed to be able to share a meal and our lives so easily this afternoon. It is my prayer that we can continue to stay involved and take advantage of the opportunities to visit with each other when ever we happen to be in the area!

The Ocean

I love the Ocean. Today I sat on the beach here in Ponte Verda, and took in the cool winter sun and watched the waves come in and go out with such a rhythm I just found myself staring. It was one of those afternoons that the hours quickly passed and as I went back and forth from reading my book to gazing at the waves I could sense my thoughts just travel.

Growing up in CT I was exposed to the water as a young child as my grandfather took us out on the sailboat often. I remember jumping into the water as a girl being caught by my dad and just carried along on the currents. There is just nothing like the sting of the salt water on your sun kissed face, or the sounds you hear when you dive below the surface. I long for the ocean sometimes, and there are few places in the world that I can sit for such lengths of time and just stare out into its mass beauty and power. 

When I moved to Virginia in 2003 I had the notion of moving to the coast and enjoying a milder climate with the Atlantic nearby. Yet, the Lord called me to the mountains and that is where I have built my life and created my home for the past four years. I did not love the mountains at first, but slowly the Blue Ridge sky line and majesty of the area stole my heart and captured my attention in a way I did not think possible. While my heart is in the Ocean to this day, my life belongs to the mountains...and that is something that only the Lord can do with this childhood water lover. It's amazing how our plans and destinations for our lives change as our callings are heard in different capacities. I wonder if I will ever find myself owning a cute cottage on the water, or if my life's happiness will always be contained in the mountain ranges I now love. 

We live in a country with such varying climates and skylines, that I am often impressed with the fact in a matter of hours we can travel from one cool day to a hot blazing one just by jumping on an airplane. Having spent so much time this fall traveling I have enjoyed the rambling hills that lead to flat farm land, the ways that the highway carves in and out of valleys and up to mountain tops...and now how the water can great you and remind you of a place you used to live and a childhood wonder you used to have while bobbing in the ocean. 

August

Dear August,

I came to visit you today. I took great care and put together a slide show to share my favorite photos of my time in California and beyond with my friend Linda. 

I pulled out the photos I took at the Getty Museum that overlooked the city below, and I remembered sitting outside looking out at Los Angeles, drinking a diet coke, people watching and writing about what I was thinking and feeling in my journal. I enjoyed the flowers all over again as I clicked through and pointed out my favorites (one of them is above).

I proudly displayed my photos from the beach in Santa Monica at sunset with the pier bustling along in business and accommodating all its visitors. I spent some time in San Francisco today looking at all the shots of the bay, the bridge, and enjoyed the memories that I created behind each one. While looking through Vegas highlights I remembered the amazing margaritas at the pool, the laughs with Jess and Kristin, and the sense of deep relaxation and contentment. I remember the good things, my best moments, the memories that are burned so deep into my heart that when I recall them in my mind the beauty captured in a photo sweep by in a snapshot. 

I came today and sat and spoke of you. The first trip of the Sabbatical, the first time away once leaving camp. I thought about the great meals I shared with some strangers, and how coffee was never dull when chatting to the other folks in line. I remembered how it felt to be lonely in a place far away from home, but secure at the same time. I recalled conversations with family and friends that I got to visit with while traveling through California. My heart was joyful when talking about you, and then I was sad. I missed you.

And while this experience has been grand, and full of introspection and emotion...today I longed for my seat at the pier (above, I sat with that man for two hours). I longed for the sun to rest into the ocean in the evening and I wanted to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway. I wanted you again, all that August gave me. 

Then I realized, I could go back. I could go to all those places again, in the same order, and recreate what I had the opportunity to do. But, it would not be the same...it would never feel the same, and I could never see it the same way. I've been changed and impacted so deeply by the past four months that I would be different...and while that is both a blessing and at times a difficult thing to grasp, I am glad for it. I am glad for the independence, the freedom, and the time I spent going and seeing, and experiencing you. 

But I am also glad for the time I got to spend in September, October and November. It was just different, and it will always be a different reflection of what I hoped to accomplish in my time away from working. I will long for those lessons and moments perhaps tomorrow, but today? I wanted you.

I am glad for it all. Today your pictures inspired me. Today your memory moved my heart. August, you were truly a trip I'll never forget, and the ways that I saw the Lord across the country and in the Pacific Ocean will always be timeless and without description. 

Miss and love,

Kari

Thursday

Thursday Thursday Thursday.

It's rather warm outside and I am bustling around the house trying to get myself together to leave tomorrow at 6am for my flight in Richmond to Jacksonville, Florida. I am spending the weekend with a dear friend, a lady I used to spend a lot of time with when we both lived in Ct. Linda Scott and her family extended their home in Ridgefield to me whenever I needed a place to stay with while visiting childhood friends and working Emmaus weekends. I have not seen her in about two years, which is way too long. 

I will spend the weekend with her at her home in Ponte Verda, Florida and then travel about 7 hours south to Naples to spend the rest of the week with my mom and friends there. This has been a trip in the making for quite some time, but thankfully I was able to get some really inexpensive airfare down to Florida! I was not pleased with the idea of driving 2,000 miles roundtrip and returning home so close to my departure for Thailand. So the Lord blessed me with Air Tran and less then a $200 round trip. 

So its just another day packing stuff up, trying to get organized, cleaning my room a bit for any one who might need to crash out our house while I am away...getting stupidly sentimental about leaving my dog and friends...and getting amped for the friends I am going to see. Nothing terribly exciting other then that, I'm just trying to get back into the habit of writing again on the blog.

House Dinner

Tuesdays are one of the main highlights of my life here in Lexington. There's just nothing else quite like 'em... and the biggest reason is because its the night we have House Dinner. Now, this started as a small idea, but grew unexpectedly the very first night that Theresa, Jen, and I were set to do a weekly meal on Tuesday nights back in Feb. of this year. The first night we planned it, Holmes got invited...which then turned into inviting Matt and Sunshine as well.So house dinner grew from the girls house to the boys house too, which honestly has been such a blessing. Every week we alternate who cooks, and now that there are a total of seven of us, it works out marvelously to get 6 weeks of Tuesday dinners without cooking. I love it. 

Tonight was my night, and so I made Chicken Marsala...and it went off without a hitch. Some weeks the table conversation is quiet, and other weeks it can be quite loud and gregarious. Last week we had Jana and Betty Cabell join us, in past weeks we have had Mandy's mom who was in town, or my dad when he was visiting. We can accommodate the changes well, and its always fun to see what everyone comes up with. You can count on Matt making something a little different in a culinary good weird foodie way, Theresa is typically healthy family cooking, I like to make something I never typically make, and who ever is next is usually questioned thoroughly about what they're thinking for the following week. 

In addition to the food, there is always a moment in there when I am sitting at the table listening to the conversations that buzz around a thousand miles a minute when I just think "wow, these are the days of our lives"...while a tacky catch phrase from a Soap Opera, its the truth. Four years ago when I moved here there would not have been the opportunity to do a house dinner. When I bought my house, it was my sincere prayer that the Lord would create a gathering place, would turn it into a home that welcomed anyone who wanted a place to belong, rest, laugh, eat, sleep, or live. In the past year I can see that prayer in more fruition and am so humbled by the way that people live in this home. We have our quirks, and that's not even referring to Theresa, Mandy and that I actually live here full time! But there are ways that I sense our hospitality is appreciated, for example: Matt sweeping off the leaves from the steps leading up to the garage, and Tex coordinating trash removal from all the small projects from the weekend and cleaning out the fridge. These are just two examples from the past few days that do matter to me, I do pay attention, and I so deeply appreciate these gestures that I did not even request. So while the empty cans of soda left on the end table, or the misc dishes from food consumed by guests can get tedious and annoying- the memory of small gestures like mentioned above are recalled to ease any sort of frustration. 

This house has brought challenges and joys but I am encouraged by the ways I have grown since April of 2006 simply by living here on White Oak Lane...and I am excited about the possibilities that exist in staying in Lexington, Virginia for a good while longer and the folks that will continue to make their way over to this house and hang out for awhile. Who knows who will be part of house dinner next year, as staffing changes at camp continue to cycle and people pursue other dreams...myself included. But tonight, over Chicken Marsala among six of my favorite people in this little town that I currently call home I said a prayer of thanks and a prayer of hope...a desire to stay, to continue to belong, and to continue to grow as we come to a table and share our lives over a meal each Tuesday night. 

Monday

It's Monday. Its almost December...how crazy is that?

I am at home today doing some housework, and trying to stay cozy because it looks so sad outside.

I have decided that while the Coffee House Acoustic station on the Satellite radio has been my mainstay for months, I think I'm breaking up with it. I have loved listening to "The Pulse, the 90's and Now" all weekend, and have love love loved it. I tried going back to Coffee House station this morning but honestly people...it just doesn't pack the same sentimental punch that the pulse does- it inspires between the 1991 hit from Roxette "It Must've Been Love" to the current and it just makes me happy. And a quirky thing that the programming does that makes me smile is amazing, when the song is just far enough out from memory it will in parenthesis put the year it was released just so you can be sure it was in fact the 90's!

In other news today has been full of banter about Thailand. The messages we've got going between Mark, Betty Cabell, Tiffany and I have perpetuated the excitement I feel and the ways I am longing to get organized to get ready to go. I keep going through items in my closet that I want to bring, and things that absolutely don't have to come with me. I am going to be bold and try and pack as small as I possibly can... and just "rough" it a little bit. ;o)

Well nothing terribly exciting today. Current Location: My desk in Lexington, VA. Current Mood: Procrastination Bliss. Plans for Eve: Spaghetti Night.

Thanksgiving Eve

Oh yes there is so much to be thankful for this Holiday Season...there always is. I am glad that we have a holiday dedicated to being thankful by way of eating turkey, sweet potato casserole, and taking an afternoon nap. I mean, seriously, isn't that amazing?

Tonight I am home alone for the first time in I can't tell you how long. I am sure there are sneaky nights tucked into my forgetful mind, but this is the first time in a long while that its Gracie, Ginger, Cat and I alone for four nights. It's ridiculously exciting. I have opted to stay home in Lexington for Thanksgiving this year. I will be avoiding the stress of the holiday traffic, and do something kind of foreign to me at this point-- being at home! I plan to share a meal with some good people and enjoy the day, but the weekend? It's completely open. I have some random plans and ideas, so we shall see what happens in the days to come. 

In the time since my last post I have gone into NYC, traveled home to Virginia, enjoyed friends here- and did the ridiculous five hour drive back and forth to Asheville, NC for a wedding on Saturday. Life just kept moving right along, and I have had some great afternoons on my own, and evenings with friends, and now I am at my house just enjoying some Josh Groban (LOVE HIM) singing Christmas Carols on Oprah.

So as seeing tomorrow is Thanksgiving I have been thinking a lot about the things that I have been so blessed with this year, and what I hold to be so dear and true in my heart. 

My home. A place I have been away from more times than I can count, but coming back to Lexington always equates warmth in my heart because this is where my "heart" is, as cliche as that may sound. I have been so blessed with girls to live with that love and seek the Lord and in turn have been stretched in living in such accountability, and love. The dynamics continue to change and mature, and as I continue to be made more aware of those ways and blessings I pray that we can continue to grow in love and in friendship.

Opportunity. I could not have embarked on this adventure in my sabbatical without opportunity. This takes a variety of definitions, but in the end it all comes together to create one masterpiece of a life. The financial freedom, the roommates at home that take care of home and Gracie, the Lord that has given the calling and push to jump off the edge of the plan, family that has not doubted my big picture and walked with me through the little steps, my goodness I could list on and on about all the pieces of the puzzle that have come together to give me this opportunity of adventure since July 26th. So, later in life- in the decades to come I will be most thankful for this time in 2007 and the way that the opportunity came to life into adventure. 

Friends. I have truly been overwhelmed this year with amazing friends, for the challenges some friendships have endured, and for the relationships that have turned into some very beautiful reflections of Christ. I have been encouraged to be myself, I have been given the opportunities to say the wrong things and been forgiven, and I have been completely understood in the process of change by some who just get me. I am so ever thankful for those friends- the precious, the ones I did not choose, the friends that have challenged me, and the few in there that meet all the descriptions above and so much more. I am blessed and honored by them. 

So that's just a short list of meaningful things that I could have rambled on forever about. My heart is full, and my spirit is saturated with thanks to the Lord. My words fail my Love and thanks.

Oh Ridgefield

I suppose there is no other way to express my time in Ridgefield other then sitting back and releasing a sigh of breath while saying "oh...Ridgefield". The random people I saw, the conversations that I had with folks, the reunions of sorts with friends I have not seen in years, and the general feeling of comfort while in the place I spent so much of my life can only be described with such a sigh. Also, a sigh for the weather. It snowed on Friday. Ridiculous.

As I heard the latest about folks I grew up with I could not help but wonder what my life would look like if I still lived in Ridgefield. So many old classmates have since returned to our hometown and are creating new lives there, with new friends...and its strange to see the couples that have formed in the years since High School and who have started creating families together. I'm sure if asked back in 1999 who would be with who, who would have married who, who would live where, etc I would not be very successful in my predictions. It would be my hope however that everyone was happy and continued to find their purpose, and I'd like to believe that such hope is true.

In addition to mini-reunions I was also there for a specific reason, and that was to attend the funeral of Lew Rumpf, father of my long time friend Jim. The services were at First Congo, the church my parents were married in, and the church I was confirmed in when I was in the 8th grade. I participated in many Emmaus Closing's there, and the sanctuary holds a special place in my heart. As I sat in the pew during the service while listening to all the thoughtful words and the meaningful message during the Homily, my mind was racing thinking about my experience in the church during my time in Ridgefield. I thought manically and randomly of where one day I'd like to be married, where my parents would like to be put to rest when they pass away, where my future children will attend Sunday School, and then back to Lew and how he lived this very big life that I learned much more about in memoriam, and how I wished to live as boldly and with such an appetite for adventure as he. Lew passed away at 58 years old, and perhaps in light of my recent birthday I began to think of all that I wished to accomplish in the next 30 plus years, and honestly I wondered, "Is that enough time?"....

Oh Kari. Yes, you are obsessed with time... I worry about being late, being early, running out of it, having too much of it, I can't help wondering about the concept of time and what I can personally do to change it. When will I ever learn that I have absolutely no control over any segment of time? And the only way to really conquer this control issue is to just completely let it go? There are periods in my life when I am most sensitive to this particular issue and I can only describe it by saying that death, birthdays, and milestones spur this on more. I am deeply moved by "endings", like the end of a television series that I have loved, or someone moving away to conquer new dreams, or from movies and books that remind me of something I have experienced in the past.

Having been home I have sensed my thought process to be along the lines of time and what is happening in my life on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. I have been able to see growth in my walk with the Lord, and in self awareness which is always encouraging...and in the next instant I can feel my anxiety about the future and what that means beyond next February. I had so many questions come my way about what I'm up to these days, where I'm living, and how I am doing that I tried to get it all down to a sentence or two or just be as evasive as possible to avoid further questioning! "I'm in Virginia, no not in DC, a few hours south of there, I worked on Young Life staff, yes I still love Jesus, I am happy, I want my own store I'm praying on that. Thanks great seeing you too." Hah, its been interesting.

Tomorrow I plan to rise at my usual time, and head into NYC. I have no particular plan in motion other than that, I just feel the need to smell, see, and just be in NY. I will probably spend some time scoping out a museum, grab lunch, shop a little bit and then return to my dad's house. I will get some good sleep tomorrow so that I can be alert and ready to ride back to Virginia on Tuesday. I have loved being in Hamden, and Ridgefield but honestly? This afternoon I wished for nothing else then to click my heels and magically arrive at my house in Lexington. What a comforting feeling that brought to my heart, to still want at the end of the day to be in my home and with my friends there. The ideas and thoughts of moving, and working outside my current 24450 zip code have left for a lot of day dreaming and praying...and sometimes I get really nervous when I feel comfortable and inspired being somewhere else, that I get excited and anxious all at the same time...but in the next moment or even sometimes a day later I get that ever present ache in my stomach that says "Bed. Dog. House. Friends. Hammock." and I know that its time to head home.

Oh Ridgefield. How I love your cute little main street, the hot dog stand, Venice pizza, Ballard Park, memories of being a Middle School Terror, and a High School social butterfly. I am thankful I can return to a place that reminds me of where I come from, who I used to be, and can still provide so many laughs with friends I hold so dear when we reunite. Life is sweet in Virginia, but Ridgefield is my hometown- and nothing will ever be able to change what that means to me and how it makes me feel when I am there.

Old Slavery

Jean, Myself, and Shiela.

Tonight I had dinner with the two ladies above and Dave. The moment Jean opened her mouth memories of 'isms' came to mind and I couldn't stop smiling: craptacular, BMH, etc...The four of us worked together at Old Navy and shared in some randomly fun good times, and in parting some not so great ones. Jean hired me in 2000, and as she likes to say 'developed' me through the three years in training and pushing me along into more responsibility. I have always felt that I would work for Jean anywhere doing anything. I grew a lot under her leadership and care, and while we are personally so very different I appreciated her take on relationships and her management style. Shiela was also a Manager in Hamden, and our bond of friendship has continued in the four years since I moved to Virginia. I was in her wedding, and last year she and her family drove down to VA to spend a few days at my house. Dave, I haven't seen in years but he makes me laugh so hard. Dave started at Old Navy while a Sr. in High School and went full time after he graduated. He was a "men's lead' which he loved, and he worked under Jean so the little circle continues.

Memories can play tricks with your heart. As I sat at dinner tonight people's faces and names came flooding back and suddenly I was in this euphoric memory of the past. All the goofy things that made me laugh so hard then are still funny, and while remembering some difficult situations and conversations the twinge of hurt no longer quite as sharp or bitter. It's great to see growth in heart over time, and its comforting to know that despite time elapsing at what seems an ever quickening pace, that four people can sit at a table for the first time in four years and that we could share our lives with each other. I was deeply touched by the experience and hope that in the future when I return to Hamden in visits that I will be able to call on these friends and meet up once again.

There are these random snap shots we get into our past that sometimes can bring us peace of mind and heart that we don't anticipate. While driving around Hamden today and seeing these friends I was reminded of what my life looked like when I lived here. As I pulled into my parking spot tonight at my dad's apartment I had this thought "Kari, remember when you lived here? Remember what that was like? Remember when you came home every night to this door and walked up those steps? Remember who you were? Remember what you were thinking about the future and how you approached your present day?" In those questions live this minuscule moment that tries to convince you that returning to this place would bring you back to that time and that your life would continue. The trick of the matter is, I left a place, a job, part of my life for a reason. The calling to some new adventure was strong, and I prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide my steps as I jumped off into the unknown. I don't regret making those choices and taking the roads I did...but sometimes in a night such as tonight, and in a place I grew so much in such as here, I begin to think that I can recapture something I am missing by returning...and the truth is: I can't.

I can just remember. I can take it all in, and hug those friends I dearly loved then...but in a few days I will get back in my car and I will drive 8 hours south to my life in Virginia. I will pull into my driveway and walk into my house that I love, I will see a dog wagging her tail violently with affection, I will see faces of people that I love tremendously in the 'now' of my life, and I will sit down on the couch and I know that while the memory of the daydreaming of returning to the past in CT will linger, I know that I will choose for me now what I had to leave here for. Hopefully I will be able to stay in better touch with memories and people in the distance, as to be able to accomplish the entire "have your cake and eat it too" sense of marrying the past which in some way I desire- with the present which is what my heart truly wants and needs in order to bring me to the future.

The Long Way Home

Here I am. In Connecticut. I lived in this state for 20 years. They say there's nothing quite like going home again, and I think for the most part that is true. What has struck me through the years moving from one house, to an apartment, and then around to a few more- is how different it feels pulling into each driveway...and how none truly compares the driveway of the house you grew up in. I used to fall asleep in the car on the way home from just about anywhere- but once the car turned up Shadblow Hill I knew that I was home and it was time to get out of the car. The comfort that feeling brought to my heart has not been lost in my memory through the years and I have often wondered if it is going to be replaced in the future when I am truly settled in a home with my very own family.

What does remind me of comfort and a sense of pulling up the driveway with the familiarity of a blanket is being in the homes of either of my parents. My dad keeps a fairly simple apartment in Hamden, Ct where I once lived when we moved out of Ridgefield. He has stayed in the same place now for about 7 years, which is crazy to think that its been that long since I lived in "The Ridge". Looking around his apartment are the typical furnishings, dining table, television, comprehensive surround sound equipment set up, etc... nothing really brings anything to mind or heart of past significance. But when I take a closer look I see items that once decorated the home we shared as a family, and I am reminded of seeing a particular painting on a different wall- in a far off house in a far off time. As I sit here, every 15 minutes with a different chime the grandfather clock bells off the meaning of a quarter past, or thirty minutes into an hour the same way its has done for the past fifteen years. I am reminded of the times I would hear it in our old house and how other times the chaos of 7 of us at one time living together would completely over power the simple chimes it plays off.

When I visit my mom's home in Florida while her decor reflects a different theme then the house I used to live with her in, there are pieces that I see that are of the olden days. When I pull open a cabinet drawer for something in the kitchen a particular knife is still being used that we had in the old house, and there is a beautiful piece of furniture that lives in her bedroom that reminds me of the living room we had that had white carpet in it before we refinished the hardwood floors. I used to walk from the screened in porch where we would eat dinner in during the warm months with dishes and serving platters of food, just praying that my clumsy self would not drop anything on the pristine white carpet.

All of these little tokens and little things recreate what I think my heart misses. I think my heart misses a central location for my entire family, a place where I can walk in the door and see everyone. I know that we are all happy where we are, and being scattered across the country does add some excitement for vacation destinations...but sometimes I do want a sitcom situation. I wish seeing my parents was as easy as a ten minute drive for dinner...instead I drove 8 hours today to come north to visit with my dad, or in other situations put myself on a plane to get to my mom. I am comforted with being here, and I am encouraged that one day I perhaps will settle down and have a central location for my children and their children- which is so weird for me to think, let alone write, because I seldom think about my future in that context. Recently my life has been this open canvas as to whatever the Lord would have me go, be, do, love, and change...so to think of being rooted, settled, in one place is just kind of funny as nothing in my life right now reflects any of those adjectives. But oh the future. How you will amaze me, and how you will completely take me by surprise.

While I am in Hamden I do plan to see some special friends I had when I lived in this area, and as I travel to Ridgefield during my time in CT I am sure many of the feelings above will come to the surface as I get reacquainted with the small town that I lived in and loved dearly comes into focus and seeing friends from the past will bring up all sorts of memories of folks loved and missed as life continues to ramble on.

So the long way home. It took 8 hours to get to the time machine that is my Father's house with all the tokens and memories tucked away into familiar pictures, and family heirlooms. I wonder if home will continue to change as I get older, and as my family changes. Yet, I know that when I am in Ridgefield this weekend I will take Ivy to Florida Hill and turn left onto Shadblow Hill, and I will pass by the home I so dearly loved from 1982-1997...and I will remember the playhouse my Poppa built for me that lived in the back yard, and I will remember the Secretary Desk that lived in the living room and witnessed every little thing dropped on the white carpet I tried to hide or deny I was responsible for... and the time machine will continue and I will be grateful for having such strong bonds and love for my childhood..the childhood I raced through to get to my adulthood because I thought that's when all the real stuff happened. Oh, why do we race through our lives to get to what we think is better? Let's just all slow down. It happens way too fast.

Birthday Goodness

So my birthday weekend came and went and it was fantastic. I am warning you now, I use the word fantastic quite a bit when describing things as of late, and it gets a little old...but I still love it.

On Saturday Tex and I went up to Falls Church, VA to The State Theater to see Pat Monahan perform a fun little show. I love Pat. He did not disapoint and I left just giggling like a little kid. The encore performance that ended somewhere after midnight brought in my official day of birth. We decided to take advantage of the hour we were going to save by bringing the clocks back, by driving around Washington DC at night- and it sure was beautiful. I commented then, that everything is so much smaller now that I'm older. I remember the infamous 8th grade ERMS trip to DC and was taken aback by the sheer size and volume of each place we went. Now, its miniature looking...but still beautiful.


On Sunday I was off to a slow start due to the hour I got to bed, 3:45am (but really 4:45am), but I was able to get myself dressed and ready for church. On Sunday evening friends were to come over and partake in some birthday celebrating- and I was very touched by all the thought that went into the menu by Matt, and the time Theresa invested in helping him prep. I got to hang out and play CLUE with Joel and Tex and enjoyed a lazy afternoon laughing at losing all three games. SO THANKS to everyone who called, emailed, sent cards, and showed up to celebrate my birthday with me- it really meant a lot to share it with such special friends!

Right now I'm sitting on my bed because its the coolest place in the house- tonight was the first night for the wood stove and its fantastic. It is very warm in the living room, and I have had to make sure to continue to drink water and moisturize! Gracie is curled up and is staring at me begging me not to leave town tomorrow. She has witnessed "the BAG" making its way onto the bed to collect all the items I will be needing with me on the latest trip, and has pouted as said bag has made its way by the door. Tomorrow I am getting in the car AGAIN, but going North. I am going to CT...which is a little strange b/c I don't go home much ever these days. But the opportunity to go is here, and I will have a purpose while there so I'm thankful. I have not been to Ridgefield for more then 10 minutes in over 2 years... I am excited to hang out in town and see that random person and reconnect for a moment in conversation.

So tomorrow I will put myself in the Honda, put the IPOD on Shuffle and make my way up and through VA, WV, MD, NJ, NY and into CT...until next time...

The Gap and Rent Laughter

Caroline and I...I heart her.


I just spent under 48 hours visiting Chris and Caroline McGlade in Asheville, North Carolina. I got in my car around noon on Halloween and arrived in the early evening, just in enough time to make it to the Halloween Party I had not anticipated attending. Stops along the way got adjusted and so I arrived at the McGlade house with a flurry of pressure to get a costume together. I came to terms with the fact that I'd arrive unprepared, but ended up pulling off a "Paparazzi" Costume. The party was fun, and I enjoyed meeting some new folks and seeing old Windy Gap favorites.

I spent the morning yesterday taking it easy and running to same favorite spots, and then went out to Windy Gap around 1pm. I was able to catch up with an old summer staff friend, Andrew who did Summer Staff in the Snack Bar the summer of '04 with Tiff Tiff and I. It was great to catch up with him in the store, where he is now working part of his year long internship. The circles we run in with Young Life are not as big as we imagine them to be.

This morning I was treated to a delicious breakfast with Caroline, some shopping, and then got back into the car. I am thankful for the quick visit, and wish it had been longer...BUT now I am HOME. The girls are out of the house right now, so its Gracie and I are just sitting on the couch catching up on "Pushing Daisies" and "Grey's Anatomy" from this past week.

Today in the car I was getting a little bored so I opted to listen to the entire Rent Broadway Original Soundtrack from start to finish. While I was an obsessed fan while in high school and I can't even begin to tell you how many hours I spent blasting the soundtrack, I have not paid much attention to it in years. Today I started off with the beginning, and somewhere in there I was laughing. I knew almost every single word as it played on, and I couldn't believe what memories it brought back of friends that also loved the musical and the times we made the trip from Ridgefield to NYC to view it on the stage. I suppose the greatest thing that came of all of these random thoughts and memories was the fact that I just laughed straight out loud. Laughing for no reason other then myself singing along with great enthusiasm, and laughing just to myself alone in my car at first felt weird, I got a little self conscious. But then...it just got funnier and I was just taken aback by the ability I had to keep myself entertained on my 4 1/2 car ride. It was a great experience.

Laughing. At myself. At the past. At the future. All in the Honda on 81 North today finished off a great trip to North Carolina. And look, now the girls are home and Gracie is whining like its Santa Claus... all in a day.

From Here to There and Back Again

So its Tuesday afternoon 1:04pm and I am excited to be sitting at my dining room table. The leaves are still changing outside and the hammock is swaying in the crisp fall air. Lexington, Virginia: You Are Beautiful.

I had a restful sleep snuggling with Gracie in the Princess Bed. Since my last post I have been to Springfield and Columbus, Ohio, then Indianapolis, Lexington, Kentucky, and then back again. I have put some miles on my car in the past week, but it has definitely been worth it.

Not that my life is difficult by any stretch of the imagination, I have had the doubts and bouts with the Lord about my future which has allowed for some emotional strain and consequence. Getting out of town proved to be what the Doctor ordered and so I am feeling hopeful and again back into the excitement of this adventure. Tomorrow I will return to my car and drive about four and a half hours in a different direction from this week: kids we are going on 81 South. My destination? Asheville, NC a home away from home for me. I will be down there a few days, repeating the same trip I took last year. I am looking forward to seeing my sweet sweet encouraging and lovely friends down there. I will then return home on Friday evening for a fun Birthday weekend at home.

Some fun ways that I was loved this weekend:
1) Kerri stocked her fridge with Diet Coke and had Taquitos in her freezer. She also printed out pages of directions to Target, Coffee shops, and other retail points of interest to keep me busy when she was at work from 11am-5pm. It was fabulous. We had great conversation and I felt taken care of while in her home and loved seeing her outside of the camp environment we spent the summer in together.

2) Mark and I went to the Cheesecake Factory and did not diverge from our typical plan, and we laughed. While this is not surprising for those of you who know us...you just kind of forget how good it is to be together. I saw Mark about a month ago in Columbus, so it was fun to be again in his home, his house, his life...and within minutes of seeing each other I was laughing. The kind of laugh that comes with a stomach ache, with the intensity that boggles your mind... it was so comforting. We had good conversation, inappropriate hilarious conversation, and fun quiet time while in a movie. He's my boo and I love him.

3) Emily and I spent a good Friday night out with each other, but also spent the day on Saturday bumming around Indianapolis. She asked me good questions, she listened, she reminded me that life is a continuous journey, and most of all I was encouraged by the thought that all the good and all the bad are part of the point and we've just got to keep going. The Fairy Tales are great, but I want something real. My friendship with Emily has never been anything short of being real. I felt well loved in that knowledge of having friends in life that stick around, that you work through life with, you celebrate with...and some days you can just pour your heart out to and in the next moment laugh about some random thing you just saw.

4) Julie and Seth Michels. What is there that isn't great there? I showed up and Julie made me grilled cheese for lunch and we sat and talked for a couple of hours while she made lasagna, and I recounted every last detail of my life since the last time we had a serious chat. I felt loved in her laughter about random stories of travels and friends, and I felt loved in her input in areas that I am working through. I went to a fun dinner with Seth and Julie and some other Young Life staff people and had an amazing time. Then to Campaigners, and it continues to touch my heart knowing the places and situations that the Lord puts me in to further understand His purpose and calling for my life. I miss High School kids, and while I have prayed about leading for a long time, I can sense the timing now and I can see how I could in the very near future.

5) The Ride Home: to be able to break down great things about an experience tends to make the glow last a little longer, and I had that in the ride back with Tex. I was able to share about my six days of fun away and we were able to have great conversation on the phone commenting about important matters, and then wondering about the color of the sky and the size of the moon. The drive between the Lexington's is not my personal favorite and at times gets a little tedious- so having someone to grab dinner with, stop and get gas with, coffee at the Tamarack Starbucks and laugh and yell with outside to get energy out is a God send. I felt well loved with the laughter, I felt well loved with the conversation and I felt well loved with having a friend to share the ride back with and to share in the memories I created while I was away.

So tomorrow I go again. It's a teaser being home. But I am excited to see North Carolina in the fall splendor of color.

101Times

101 Times my blog has been viewed. I would love to think that all my friends kept up with me in my absence by reading the blog, but seriously? Half of those viewings are probably times that I was self obsessed and re-read what I wrote while traveling. I should print them out and put them in a note book so I can keep them forever and ever and ever...and ever.

Today has been a great day. It's wonderful to be able to say that about a day without the aid of a "mountain top" experience to bring it up a notch. Often after I've experienced something unusual, beautiful, fantastic, exotic or adventuresome I can sit back and reflect with a sigh of relief and thanksgiving "what a great day". Today by several typical standards has been quite ordinary. I woke up, went to a breakfast place with Kerri and chatted for awhile. Then left her went to Barnes and Noble, read some magazines, bought some books, had some funny moments with the cashier (wink to MH), and then drove to where I scheduled a hair appointment earlier this morning for 1pm. I was in there a little bit, met a great stylist and walked out. Nothing so far unusual right? Now I am sitting in "Coffee Expressions" which is a local coffee shop that is very proud of its Independent Coffee Shop roots, so I am enjoying the fact I am supporting a local joint (although I do love me some Starbucks).

I have caught up on my email, stalked people on Facebook...and now I am just sitting enjoying a Mocha, catching a glance of my new 'do in the reflective glare on my laptop and I am doing well. In being unemployed things tend to get 'old'. You know, not having a regular schedule, not always having something to pour into- finding ways to be exerted (the Y has been fabulous for this physical aspect of that)--all create an air of moodiness or even boredom I suppose. I am usually happy and busy and emotionally connected to people I love. However, sometimes I can sense how I am bored so I cause trouble. Where do I cause trouble?

Well I act out in not eating all three meals a day, or drinking too much coffee or Diet Coke...
I act out in being argumentative because there's nothing else to do.
I act out in over thinking every aspect of my life- the past 26 years and then next 26 years to come that I have no real control over. Doing this makes me sad, frustrated and just overall not the happiest person to be around. (While, I do support being introspective I do recognize a healthy medium in that process.)
I act out by not praying enough. Resting my prayers on "Lord, I seek your Will" instead of also petitioning for desires, dreams, closure, changes, healing, friendships, etc...
I act out by not keeping up with my household chores like maintaining a clean room, bathroom, or doing laundry AND PUTTING SAID CLEAN LAUNDRY AWAY.
I act out by not calling people back. By ignoring phone calls or text messages. (What is so ironic as I finished typing this sentence Emily called me, and said "Girl, WTF, are you coming tomorrow?"I never called her back to say "yes, I will see you Friday"...we laughed, but seriously thought I did call her back).
I act out by giving too much advice to people, by drawing too much attention to my friends and their situations and not enough time being constructive in my own life. This is a trouble area. If you are my friend and reading this, please do not send me emails about your frustration with me recently in this area. I know, I know, I know. I'm working on it. ;O)

While this list could go on, its just a stepping point. Sometimes I struggle with only one item on the list at a time, and other times I feel the entire weight of every little thing I could change, every little time I could be better then the mood- and yet sink into a funk, and then the ever changing and growing weight of seeking a purpose for this time that I feel called to live in... sometimes the purpose is not the exciting aspect of traveling...sometimes and especially when at home for a month it was about living at home, loving the people in my community, talking about my day to someone I lived with and not just random strangers like I did when I traveled solo, laughing at the dog-cat-friends---myself, resting for the cold that plagued my immune system, driving in the beauty of the mountains, those down moments and down days? I can take 'em. They come and go, but what remains is what matters. Being real. Being true. Being complicated. Being still. Being here and knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...today. We will get to tomorrow...tomorrow. (or at least in January when I get back from Thailand).

So 101 times this blog has been viewed. Even if mostly by myself, I can say that from reading it I have learned a lot by the thought process and the nature of things I found worth taking note of. While learning from our friends is important, and having family to support and facilitate growth, I have truly found in the time returning to this space has been encouragement to myself to keep going, to keep dreaming, and to keep people connected to those dreams, changes, and potential...because while nothing out of the ordinary happened today (with the exception of my psychical location being in Ohio), if we can't savor these simple days and find joy in them, what is the point?

David Cameron's Birth

Today is David Cameron Holmes' birthday. Today he turns 28 years old. Happy Birthday there friend. Another year, and we made it! Tonight we celebrated with house dinner in the usual fashion and Mandy made her deliciously comfortable lasagna... and we talked for awhile. A few of us were missing for various but not having 8 or 9 people crammed around the dinner table is definitely more conducive to conversation.

This afternoon I took a little drive to Roanoke to have coffee with the amazing Mary Pendleton Stafford. How I love thee. It amazes me how the Lord orchestrates things in our lives from the big to the very little...as I sat with Mary in her very cute kitchen I was just taken aback by the span of our conversation and how despite the differences in our lives, I could relate, I felt like I was heard, and I was understood. And even more importantly I felt challenged. To be better, to see clearer, and to keep moving up and through what my life is right now. Being complacent is not enough, and to be frustrated in situations I am not pursuing to change is not productive.

It's strange though how one person can stimulate all sorts of thoughts and feelings long after your time shared together has transpired. I drove home and while I do not like the sound of 'fester', some insights do stick and they start to crawl into your skin and you can tell that the Lord is inspiring some sort of change. Some sort of movement. Probably enough that I felt even a little moody on my way home because I could sense changes that I knew were time to make, and light was shed on the journey at hand. I felt encouraged by the things Mary said about growth, at looking back two years, and one year from today. It is priceless to have someone in your life that you can present yourself completely unedited and uncensored...there are boundaries in all friendships, pride issues when we are trying to vulnerable, but Mary? For some reason she is one of those women that I've been able to be blunt with to the point at times, that it is like being blunt with myself for the first time.

Who does that for you? Who has the Lord placed in your life and in conversation you have felt the itch to be better, the spark to edit somethings out of your life, or just face things you've been avoiding? I suppose its not always the same person and that sometimes days or weeks can go by before we are touched in such a profound way. I pray that you treasure who they are, that you don't avoid them, and that you are used as a catalyst in a similar fashion with men or women in your community.

So while conversation was great for my soul, I did not do a great job in taking care of my body today. I didn't have breakfast, had a small and crap lunch- drank too much Diet Coke and Coffee and then had dinner. I went to the Y today, and I know that I deserve the star I put on my fridge, I can now see how also not being good to myself was not good for my attitude either. It's so refreshing when you are able to see where moodiness can come from- makes you feel less crazy, and less manic that is for sure. If only we knew that while in the process of not drinking enough water, and not having enough nutrients in one day was going to make such a substantial movement on our attitude, we could remedy the problem before it became emotional. Only if I could learn this lesson.

Tomorrow I am getting in the car and heading to Springfield, Ohio to see my friend and Boo, Kerri. I get to spend some time with this special friend, and then see Mark on Friday. I will then travel to Indy to see Emily on the weekend, and then down to Lexington, KY to see Jules on Sunday...then back on Monday. It is going to be a whirlwind for sure, but I am looking forward to the friends I will see, touch, and talk to...while the idea of isolation and relaxation at some tropically warm and mild climate sounds amazing, and an idea that was entertained this past weekend- I am thankful that I chose friendship. Community. Conversation. Reconnection. Hugs. Fellowship. I mean, seriously- pool fabulous. But all of you? Simply fantastic- and exactly what this heart needs.