Old Slavery

Jean, Myself, and Shiela.

Tonight I had dinner with the two ladies above and Dave. The moment Jean opened her mouth memories of 'isms' came to mind and I couldn't stop smiling: craptacular, BMH, etc...The four of us worked together at Old Navy and shared in some randomly fun good times, and in parting some not so great ones. Jean hired me in 2000, and as she likes to say 'developed' me through the three years in training and pushing me along into more responsibility. I have always felt that I would work for Jean anywhere doing anything. I grew a lot under her leadership and care, and while we are personally so very different I appreciated her take on relationships and her management style. Shiela was also a Manager in Hamden, and our bond of friendship has continued in the four years since I moved to Virginia. I was in her wedding, and last year she and her family drove down to VA to spend a few days at my house. Dave, I haven't seen in years but he makes me laugh so hard. Dave started at Old Navy while a Sr. in High School and went full time after he graduated. He was a "men's lead' which he loved, and he worked under Jean so the little circle continues.

Memories can play tricks with your heart. As I sat at dinner tonight people's faces and names came flooding back and suddenly I was in this euphoric memory of the past. All the goofy things that made me laugh so hard then are still funny, and while remembering some difficult situations and conversations the twinge of hurt no longer quite as sharp or bitter. It's great to see growth in heart over time, and its comforting to know that despite time elapsing at what seems an ever quickening pace, that four people can sit at a table for the first time in four years and that we could share our lives with each other. I was deeply touched by the experience and hope that in the future when I return to Hamden in visits that I will be able to call on these friends and meet up once again.

There are these random snap shots we get into our past that sometimes can bring us peace of mind and heart that we don't anticipate. While driving around Hamden today and seeing these friends I was reminded of what my life looked like when I lived here. As I pulled into my parking spot tonight at my dad's apartment I had this thought "Kari, remember when you lived here? Remember what that was like? Remember when you came home every night to this door and walked up those steps? Remember who you were? Remember what you were thinking about the future and how you approached your present day?" In those questions live this minuscule moment that tries to convince you that returning to this place would bring you back to that time and that your life would continue. The trick of the matter is, I left a place, a job, part of my life for a reason. The calling to some new adventure was strong, and I prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide my steps as I jumped off into the unknown. I don't regret making those choices and taking the roads I did...but sometimes in a night such as tonight, and in a place I grew so much in such as here, I begin to think that I can recapture something I am missing by returning...and the truth is: I can't.

I can just remember. I can take it all in, and hug those friends I dearly loved then...but in a few days I will get back in my car and I will drive 8 hours south to my life in Virginia. I will pull into my driveway and walk into my house that I love, I will see a dog wagging her tail violently with affection, I will see faces of people that I love tremendously in the 'now' of my life, and I will sit down on the couch and I know that while the memory of the daydreaming of returning to the past in CT will linger, I know that I will choose for me now what I had to leave here for. Hopefully I will be able to stay in better touch with memories and people in the distance, as to be able to accomplish the entire "have your cake and eat it too" sense of marrying the past which in some way I desire- with the present which is what my heart truly wants and needs in order to bring me to the future.