August

Dear August,

I came to visit you today. I took great care and put together a slide show to share my favorite photos of my time in California and beyond with my friend Linda. 

I pulled out the photos I took at the Getty Museum that overlooked the city below, and I remembered sitting outside looking out at Los Angeles, drinking a diet coke, people watching and writing about what I was thinking and feeling in my journal. I enjoyed the flowers all over again as I clicked through and pointed out my favorites (one of them is above).

I proudly displayed my photos from the beach in Santa Monica at sunset with the pier bustling along in business and accommodating all its visitors. I spent some time in San Francisco today looking at all the shots of the bay, the bridge, and enjoyed the memories that I created behind each one. While looking through Vegas highlights I remembered the amazing margaritas at the pool, the laughs with Jess and Kristin, and the sense of deep relaxation and contentment. I remember the good things, my best moments, the memories that are burned so deep into my heart that when I recall them in my mind the beauty captured in a photo sweep by in a snapshot. 

I came today and sat and spoke of you. The first trip of the Sabbatical, the first time away once leaving camp. I thought about the great meals I shared with some strangers, and how coffee was never dull when chatting to the other folks in line. I remembered how it felt to be lonely in a place far away from home, but secure at the same time. I recalled conversations with family and friends that I got to visit with while traveling through California. My heart was joyful when talking about you, and then I was sad. I missed you.

And while this experience has been grand, and full of introspection and emotion...today I longed for my seat at the pier (above, I sat with that man for two hours). I longed for the sun to rest into the ocean in the evening and I wanted to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway. I wanted you again, all that August gave me. 

Then I realized, I could go back. I could go to all those places again, in the same order, and recreate what I had the opportunity to do. But, it would not be the same...it would never feel the same, and I could never see it the same way. I've been changed and impacted so deeply by the past four months that I would be different...and while that is both a blessing and at times a difficult thing to grasp, I am glad for it. I am glad for the independence, the freedom, and the time I spent going and seeing, and experiencing you. 

But I am also glad for the time I got to spend in September, October and November. It was just different, and it will always be a different reflection of what I hoped to accomplish in my time away from working. I will long for those lessons and moments perhaps tomorrow, but today? I wanted you.

I am glad for it all. Today your pictures inspired me. Today your memory moved my heart. August, you were truly a trip I'll never forget, and the ways that I saw the Lord across the country and in the Pacific Ocean will always be timeless and without description. 

Miss and love,

Kari