Away from Home

(My Aunt Debbie and I)

I have enjoyed my time in Florida that is without question, and I love the family I get to see when I am here visiting. I have battled a bit of anxiety in the past month or two while traveling in my homesickness. I know that sounds bizarre but I just didn't expect in the continuation of "going", that I would ever tire and would get legitimately homesick. I worked through a little bit of it when I was in San Francisco in September, but understood that I'd feel that way because I had already been gone an entire month. But when I was in Connecticut on Monday morning, the day before I was set to drive back to Virginia I got all in a funk about being away from home. People...seriously...I was in a funk. I was going to be home in less than 40 hours and I couldn't rise above it. I eventually was able to get my self together and into NYC for the afternoon and when returned to my house in Lexington the following evening, I was completely content. 

These little bouts of emotional distress, while mild and completely ridiculous have lent to some frustration and anxiety in regards to my upcoming four week long trip to Thailand. I realize that the trip is going to be an opportunity and experience that is going to blow away all expectation, I completely am open to this notion. While, there are moments and days I can catch myself thinking cynically about going away for such a length of time or I think about the circumstances of this choice: missing Christmas with my family, being away from Lexington for New Years for the first time in three years, and the strain the time difference is going to make in some of my relationships. There are obviously so many more thoughts than just that above, and then I counteract all of them with pure exhilaration and anticipation.

In visiting with my mom and spending time with my Aunt I have been able to talk more reflectively and objectively about my life in Virginia and all that is contained on the pro and con lists about ever leaving the area, or benefits of staying. The assurance I have felt in regards to staying planted has definitely come in quiet moments at the house, in good conversations with Theresa, and even more so in times of being away enjoying friends and loved ones in person. As I recount funny stories, share challenges being met with Christ, or plans for the future I have sensed my future still remaining in Lexington. I have done much better this week at being away, so I feel encouraged as I return home tomorrow night to get my life together to leave for Thailand 12 days later. 

So anyway, just some thoughts that I have had this week about the challenges that I have been facing up to that I didn't expect. Life continues to be an adventure that I am ever grateful for and am enjoying the ride that is for certain. I have more moments that I go to pinch myself just to see if I'm sleeping because the days pass by in such bliss, surely- this isn't real life. But it is, and I have done everything I set out to do in the past 4+ months. To see friends, to see family, to see the ocean's, to lay on the beach, to read, to write, to laugh, to cry through difficulties, to be honest, to be open, to dream, to settle down, to have wings, to sit in bookstores, to hang out with my dog, to be quiet, to be alone, to be vulnerable, to be silly, to pull back, to push forward, to reconnect, to seek the Lord in all things- big and small, to be constructive with my time...to love, and to continue. 

While a 6 month Sabbatical is not the only avenue to do these things, surely the time in travel and movement have aided for all of those things to happen simultaneously, and in their own moments. I am thankful. And tomorrow I will leave Florida and return home, for which I joy brings my heart I can't even tell you.