Lent & Sleep

So. I think maybe once or twice in my adult life I have given something up for Lent. I can't say I was successful either attempt, but I did choose something. Unfortunately both times it felt like a New Years Resolution I couldn't keep. I am a perfectionist in my core... most times I resent it, other times I embrace how it elevates my performance and standard of excellence. However, in terms of Lent and Resolutions it typically works against me. I sort of (and by sort of, I mean completely) have an all or nothing mentality. I get really intimidated with the idea of 40 days because I'm terrified I will fail. Which is interesting that I forget that in the process of giving "up" I'm also letting in- I'm letting Christ to move in my heart and be my strength as I struggle through discipline.

This year I have found myself thinking about Lent a lot. I admit that in the past I was more focused on the fact I was giving up, or was supposed to give something up for God- the denial of something I enjoy... and even as a mature Christian it was hard to find myself focused on what the real purpose of Lent is. To participate in Lent as a means of growing closer to Christ by means of self sacrifice and the removing of whatever is distracting.

What in my life stands in the way of my pursuit and walk with God?

I know that there is a long list of things that I could give up for self denial and sacrifice.

But what of those things hold me back?

What of those things prevent me from knowing Christ more?

One consistent thought comes to mind.

If I was asked to give up anything for pure self denial, it would be Starbucks, Diet Coke, TV, or Facebook. What has been pressed on my heart though recently is that what truly stands in the way and gets in the way of knowing God more, is my inability to be disciplined and indulging in several mornings a week in which I sleep in.

So... because I am a perfectionist I have not committed to being up 7 days a week for 40 mornings at 7am. But I am praying through and preparing to be up each day that I work bright and early at 7am. Knowing my body I will end up waking up the same time each day, but I feel as though some grace is good. It will be hard. I love sleep. Which sounds weird, but I love it. I love my bed. I love snuggling with Gracie. But I sleep so much more then I need, and the time I spend dreaming- I could be doing so much more. And I'm not talking laundry. So not necessarily for just quiet times, which I have been able to "squeeze" in at different points of my schedule and day already. Just time to explore, think, wrestle, and not check out with sleep when I'm tired and stressed with the craziness of work.

Time quiet. With the Lord.

Time active. With myself and learning how to push myself and be stronger physically then I've known in the past.

Time to read. All of the books I've got stacked on the side waiting to be explored.

Time to write. The thoughts I think all day that never escape my mind.

Time to capture. The story. How I see God in creation. In the details.

The Time will not be spent grocery shopping. Putting the dishes away. Folding the laundry. Or sweeping up endless piles of Gracie's white hair off the floor.

It will be removing the easy option, the part that says sleeping in is more fun, more important and that I need it "so" much. It's the one comfortable thing in my life that I truly enjoy that literally stands in the way of me knowing God... because it checks me out. It removes me from being engaged.

I know that my conviction for wanting this to change comes from a lot of prayer about participating in Lent this season. I wish it was just giving up Facebook, but I've done that before and its not difficult. I wish it were Diet Coke, but I too have done that before and after a couple of days I don't want it either. Coffee though... that would be hard! But sleeping in, lazy mornings, and the the ease of not typically being the opening manager has allowed me to adopt a really comfortable schedule, and I have enjoyed it. But... the enjoyment is tricky because I know its the one place in my life that when praying I see God point a finger at and say, "Kari. You love that time. You love your lazy mornings and dream filled spells. You don't need as much as you get. Give it up. Give it to me."

Time.

Lord, I'm giving you Time... my favorite time... my sleeping in and dreaming time.

Because I believe the time I indulge in is in the way of what you are trying to show me.

And because some mornings I will be tired, I am not giving up Coffee too. Nope. Not going to do it!

Are you participating in Lent this year?

What will the next 40 days be without?

Are you hopeful about what will come to replace it?