Balance.

When I was little I used to day dream that one day my sunglasses would have a clicker button on the side, and I would instantly be able to capture the photograph to preserve the memory.

I should have known then that photography was my calling. I didn't. My mom explained that film developing was expensive (she was correct), and so I just let picture taking be candid. It was never something I intentionally pursued, and so now that travel and photography have become my two greatest loves I am surprised that still, I don't pursue the craft when I am at home. It's kind of like this part of me that lives on the road, I don't know how to explain it. I wouldn't dare dream of going somewhere without my camera, and recently when I went to the West Coast I even talked myself into bringing both my Canon and Nikon (the differences are huge, as is the bulk the Canon adds to my luggage). Looking back at those pictures now I can see the difference. The biggest being that with the Canon I shoot only in raw format, which forces me to edit and process images into JPEG's. I hate editing. It's my number one reason for not wanting to be a wedding photographer. I just hate it. Anyway- so processing the raw images from that trip made me appreciate the fact I have to take it a little slower, and spend more time with the memory. It was a good process.

I am about to enter the work force. These things do make sense, I promise.

I have started to wonder how if my love and passion for photography expanded and exploded while traveling, ie. NOT working, how this particular area of my heart could continue to be fostered as a means for creating a balanced life. One that incorporates working a big girl job, that pays the mortgage, while still seeking time outside of that to be expressive. I don't believe I have to let go of one to have the other.

What I do have to let go of is that my time, each and every day was mine to control, manipulate, plan and pursue.

Friends. I am so excited that time is over. I am often asked how transitioning into work will really be, and am told equally often that people are praying for me. I smile, I thank my beloved friends, and I move on.

What I would love to be able to articulate is that, I kept going because I was looking for something. And guess what? I found it.

I have never yet in my life, amidst some major emotional strife been more peaceful. I know again the fundamentals, I have sought countless sunsets, and even sunrises, I have touched, tasted, and basked in cultures that have forever become part of the fabric of who I am.

But she lives here now. She is not there. She is here. And the she that is here, can't wait to dig into a new challenge, be used, and productive.

Just wondering how to create balance, and not give up what I have loved so much of what was found during what felt like an endless search the past few years.

xoxo