Great Expectations

I love this bridge. I love that I lived in Virginia and drove past this bridge for four years without ever noticing it until Tex pointed it out. Since then this bridge has been something I instinctively look over at when driving past mile marker 221 on 81, I feel like if I don't look at it something may be off in the universe. How strange that we can drive by things without ever seeing them before, and then once we see them, we can't ignore them? 

I wonder how often I have been so quick to go by and through something that I neglect to notice the simple beauty of a moment, or a token of affection in a conversation. I have great expectations, and these expectations I realize have led me down roads of frustration and disappointment. The standards I hold for my friends and family are ridiculous, and while I hold myself to the same accord I am often met with the realization I'm just insane for expecting so much. I'd like to think that I challenge people in good ways, and that I can sense a greater potential that I push others towards... I know that for myself the Lord has placed some significant people in my life that have encouraged and challenged me to be better then the current version. I don't know where I'd be, or who I'd be without these gifts of people.

The learning process for me is how to exhibit grace when my expectations of others are not being met, when its not their fault- its mine, and how to break through the moment in which I push them away or shut them out. For some reason their efforts were simply not enough, their friendship was not deserving enough, their purpose was not going to be with enough excellence. 

I was told recently in a joking manner that I exude an attitude of perfection. I understand that we all have a sense of perfection in our ego, and I also understand that this friend was being facisious. Truth of the matter I know is that at the bottom of sarcasm and antagonism lies the rawness of honesty. I know that I am not perfect. I also know that I struggle with all my imperfections and inadequacies on a regular basis. I know that I have an ego, and I know that I'm insecure. Somewhere in there lies the balance in my heart of complete reliance on Christ to redeem all my failings with the gifts He has given me. 

I want to be better. I want to work through the issues that I have, whether they range from commitment, perfection and ego, desire of control of big and small issues, oh the list could continue for days. I want to hand them all over and see what can be formed out of the muddy clay. I want to live up to the expectation I have for others in myself, and I want to be able to let go of the grip of frustration I have when I feel let down.

I don't want to be so focused on the road that I neglect to look to the side and see the trees, the flowers, and the simple beauty of what remains of a time before highways in a stone bridge. I want to be able to point these things out to others so that they may pause and appreciate the view, and I want to notice all the little things that I am often too busy to stop and stare at. I want my great expectations of maturity and poise to translate themselves into great exhibitions of love, growth, and grace. I want to live a life built more on those truths then the fallacies Satan tells me are of more value and purpose. 

I just want to start seeing the Bridges that I've missed for four years, four months, or four minutes.