Three.

In an effort to write more regularly, and the sadness but yet peacefulness that I do not have time to keep up with postcards right now... a list of current favorite things.

1) Weather. My goodness gracious. I had a conversation with a friend once about weather in the winter, how it just does something to my mood, perspective... agh I just hate it. We've been fortunate to have the most wonderfully warm spring weather- allowing for skirts and dresses, cardi's, and shorts with long sleeve tshirts for errands. I love it.

I feel more alive in Spring. I know, I know... cheesy because the earth is waking up and putting on its best show... but seriously. The color on my face, the color in my wardrobe, the reminder that God makes all things new... I just love it. Now. I will be complaining in a mere few weeks that its too hot.

2) A Break Is Coming.

I have with the wisdom and push of Danielle whom I love love love love so much to take a week off. It's planned right now for the end of April. Krystal's birthday is the 22nd and that will begin my time away. I'm trying to get creative about what to do for her day, and get a feel for expectations. One never wants to disappoint the birthday girl! On Monday following I will be grabbing my underused best friend, the Canon and going for a road trip of sorts. To the Ocean. I plan to drive along the East Coast and check out places I've always wanted too. The time is meant to be reflective, restorative, and quiet. I'm thankful for the plentiful PTO time I have a year to make this break possible without removing the opportunity of summer trips, and fall getaways. I will return the following weekend to a Dave Barnes concert in Charlotte, and head back to work May 1. Wait. Have you picked up on how excited I am. WAY excited.

3) Visitors.

Moving to Winston-Salem and enjoying newness is always more fun when "oldness?" (that doesn't sound right), how about Old Friends. Yes... come to visit. This year I've had an oldie/newish friend Seth kick off the New Year on his sabbatical from Mercy Ships- it was so cold, but so fun! At the end of February I had Emily come visit for a long weekend to enjoy time away from mommy hood and sister time. Loved it. On Friday this week, Kerri Fowler Tank is coming to visit. I haven't seen her in AGES... like 2 years I think which is ridiculously too long and much too sad to comprehend. I pick her up in Charlotte and the festivities will begin. Target and Old Navy are always on the list. As is delicious tasty Mexican (taking her to my fave: Don Juan)... she will rub shoulders with my Winston Besties at an egg coloring party Friday night, and just enjoy time catching up and slowing down with each other. I'm grateful for the efforts of friends to come to me... its a welcomed shift as I was able to for a long time be the one to travel TO. Hosting is fun. Way. Fun.

4). So yes. The Weather.

The Vacation.

The Visitors.

Life. Is. Marvelous.

five things.

Of things worth noting... these are just a few things that come to mind.

1) When I was in the Bakery on Summer Staff in 2003, after a couple of times making "dirt" for what felt like thousands... I swore that I'd never make it again. Never. It was disgusting. The magic is gone when you know how its assembled. Fast forward to 2012. Brinkley and I were brainstorming a party to throw at work on Saturday. It's around Spring. I said I'd make "dirt".

This evening I got back from my hair cut, and I started making the pieces of the dirt puzzle. I could not believe for the life of me that I was making it.

A few things stood out:

a) making 2 pots of the dessert is WAY easier then 60,000 (not literally. but it was a lot).

b) I loved my Summer Staff experience. I met some amazing people. And while Jules, Matty, and Jess continue to be prized and beloved people in my life... there were others that made such a tangible impact on my life. The way I viewed community, Christ, and my role in a group of people radically changed that session. I'm thankful for the long lasting and what will be eternal effects of a time well spent. While working at camp I always felt so close and connected to what that experience looked like. It was never far. Not really. This summer it will be 9 years since I set foot in the bakery. It feels far. The context and content of my relationships with three beloved friends continues to evolve, change, grow, and morph into the present.

Yet. Today.

I remembered and reflected how it was one month of service that began it all.

So. Dirt. Was a great experience.

2) I got my haircut today. Not really anything. Just a few layers trimmed in the front. But I got my "summer" highlights done. It's amazing how different you can feel after 2 hours in a chair being done up. Mckenzie is my favorite colorist I've met to date. I trust her implicitly. I like that she can pick up on my tones of "I want change" but knows better then to challenge my desire to cut 12 inches off, just yet. I like her. She's really started to open up and become chatty. It's a good thing.

3) It's summer weather here. The air conditioning went on the other day. It hurt my heart. I turned it off just as quick.

4) Kim and I are going to the Hunger Games tomorrow night. I can't freaking wait.

5) Truthfully. Life is good. There are of course challenges, and highs and lows (sometimes even within the same day). But I feel quietly content and purposely challenged in each day. I've been dealing with some mild frustrations regarding sugar, and my internal roller coaster. There are days when I know that my light is not quite as bright, and that I'm more quiet then usual. Sometimes I struggle with the sound of my voice in my head, and pray that it passes quickly and with little damage. I remember talking to my brother last year about this time about the challenges of sugar, medicine, and such. It was the first time I can ever recall having allowed the emotional burden and exhaustion be heard. Said out loud that its hard. That its a struggle. A difficult one. He encouraged me in the way that I most depend, and yet am always surprised by. That life would continue to move along, and that I'm strong- independent, smart, and more than capable with my faith to tackle this and tackle it well. I feel as though I'm in a similar valley, and pocket of exasperation. I can hear him in my head. I can hear him helping me move along. The past couple of days have been better. But altogether, there's been a lot of emotional stress in the past two months and the priority of my health has not been in its top position. Pulling it together. We're getting there. And because of the Grace and Patience that I have been learning with and for myself... its there- that life is good.

(shout it out.)

If you don't know or are not yet a fan of the duo All Sons and Daughters.

You need to check them out.

We've been singing some of their stuff in church recently, and seriously love love love them.

Artsy.

Indie.

Folkie.

Delicatie (ok I just couldn't figure out another word to keep in line with the 'ie' trend).

A particular favorite is "All the Poor and Powerless". The bridge breaks it down into the most simple action,

Shout it.

Go on and scream it from the mountains.

Go on and tell it to the masses.

That He is God.

So simple right? Shout it out. Scream it from the mountains.

I have been involved in ministry as my full time job, and I have some beloved friends that are partnered internationally with purposes for Christ, some locally in their high schools, and others in places of worship on Sunday's. They are gifted at what they do.

With the thoughts of the future laying before me, and the transitional shifts taking place in what I would hope and dream for the years to come... I have often thought about how sometimes we miss the most simple, direct, and meaningful way to approach ministry. To change our environments at work, to change our churches, our friendships, our families. We get cozy and we get apathetic. I have noticed this to have been most true in my own life when I was on staff at camp, and sometimes still recognize it in beloved friends involved in ministry of the same nature for an extended amount of time. What is potentially hazardous in that place, is that we also get...

Comfortable. I'm not sure we even know when this happens. And sometimes when we are comfortable, we justify, explain, and excuse our behaviors. Our actions became motions that get us to the next place, position, goal, or desire.

Last year in the wake of some growing and stretching I felt convicted that love is a choice. And that everything that comes with that is a choice- to respond to a calling, to pursue with intention, to love much, well, and often. I began to understand how if I am to choose love when my sinful heart and selfish desires beg of me to pursue something different... that means when I actually commit actions of non-love... that too is a choice.

There has been great healing and growth in some dark and twisted areas of my heart over the past three years. Its been a longwinded but wonderfully purposed journey. I know that I am in the strongest, most honest, transparent, and porous time of my life. I am being grown, stretched, pushed and pulled by the people I work with in humbling ways, but mostly from a body of people I call my community here in Winston-Salem. Outside of these friends and times I've been asked recently where I've been. I've not visited anyone for the weekend, taken time off and away. Well. That time is approaching- as I plan and think about a small little spring break vacation at the end of April. To rest. To restore. To be before an ocean or even Mickey Mouse. To stand before myself. To reflect. To be grateful. But outside out of that time that is being purposed right now, I have no desire to go anywhere.

My life. Is here.

My heart is here.

Both in the same place.

Friends.

When was the last time I was truly able to say that?

Last Monday night Jules called. It's been awhile since we've caught up on the phone. And yet because I know that she prays, and reminds me that she is thinking of me in messages or texts, her love and friendship is never far. Jules is special. It's not that I am particularly different, or changed. But a more authentic, vulnerable, and painfully honest version of me emerges because she... is a safe place.

And has been for.

A.

Really.

Long.

Time.

I have spent the week pondering some noted and difficult things and spaces she's challenged me. But also in the encouragement to seek God's heart, and plan while determining the footing. I am thankful for the message of hope and of love.

Yet. I am most thankful.

For the spirit of celebration as she and Seth continue to be sensitive to God's calling for their lives and ministry and stepping forth in that Faith.

For the celebration that a long battled time of waiting, hurting, at times excitement and joy--all led me here. To this space and place.

She is a warrior. For God and with me.

When I get off the phone with her I am always sharpened for the adventure at hand, and I always want to pick up out of my comfortable and cozy place to be USED. To be different. To be BOLD. To spread out my arms and heart...

I want to shout it.

I want to scream it from the mountains.

I want to go on and tell the masses.

That He is God.

Thankful for a such a friend that can inspire that, and so consistently over the past 8.5 (sigh) years.

Lots of thinking going on here.

Lots of growing.

And a girl continuing to fall madly in love with her Savior, this season, time and space... and this new supporting cast of relationships. Love them. Lots.