31.

My dad just left. He was here for a couple of days and I was able to show off my new town, employment, and life here in this space. It was great.

I am realizing more and more how important it is to invite people in, to bring them in from outside conversations- things talked about while on vacation, trips, or while in different locations.

The heart of life.

The heart of relationships are at home.

Real things are talked about at the table, while there is chaos in the kitchen.

Tenderness is found on the couch when you are touched and held in a cozy place.

Home is where it all comes back.

I always have had an open door policy for my house. Dinner could be made at a moments notice. Sisters could always know there was a place to be for however long they needed. Hospitality is one of my things. It's a passion. And I can always sense struggle in either my own heart, or in a relationship if something is off at home. If I have someone over, or a family member in town and its too hard- or something is difficult with them being at the house, there is something that needs to be addressed in the relationship, (though personal space issues aside).

Not that any of those thoughts are new- I think I'm just still working out what it looks like and means. In a new place. With a set of different walls.

Last weekend I knew that JJ was coming to visit. I had invited and hoped that Kaitlan and Leah would also be able to make the trip- as our Vegas plans got postponed. There were legit reasons for both of them, so I never really daydreamed that either of the girls would show up. On Friday afternoon however, pouring out the Jetta though not Kaitlan, was Leah and Alexis. You could have picked me up off of the ground, I was that surprised.

I had the flu last week. Pretty much incapacitated for 48 hours. When my Birthday came, I hoped to gather some hours in the morning that I could be quiet. Run my errands. Spend some time with just me, my thoughts, and yes- my constantly beeping and ringing phone. I felt loved for days before 31 arrived, but it was special. And when the car arrived full of friends from Virginia, and not even Lexington- but Roanoke, I was flabbergasted. In the best way possible. In a way that meant I knew and was processing how amazing the Lord worked in those friendships, that they'd want to pursue me to celebrate. For three full days.

Alexis had never been to the Lexington house, nor met Gracie. Two fairly large markers in my life. There were moments that I would watch him soak it all in, and just find his place in the movement of girl talk and conversation. Leah and JJ walked through each room, poured over each wall, and took the time appreciating each small detail placed with care, thought, and love.

On Friday afternoon I was still 30 seconds behind them, just feeling worn out from the illness, and truly speechless. The pace was finally set, we all in sync, and I showed them my life. I opened up in ways that I knew I hadn't when they worked for me. I brought them to work. We talked at lunch about my life, what I'm learning, how I feel stretched. What's been hard. What's hurt. What's finally healed. What's arrived. It was amazing.

The weekend was a lot of that.

Our collective relationships all took a turn after those three days. We laughed and watched a lot of movies, got lunch delivered, quoted comedians and favorite memories. We were quiet, while together. Gracie loved taking her rounds to maximize her attention.

Leah was challenged, loved, and held accountable to her dreams in a way she hadn't been yet.

JJ and I got to laugh and share like we always had, just different because dB wasn't the backdrop of conversation or complaint.

Alexis and I took a step forward. One that I never anticipated being asked to consider, or an intention made known.

Turning 31 could not look more different then 30.

Last year there was an ache for an arrival, and someone missing from the party.

Last year I knew that something huge was about to shift and happen, though I didn't know yet, what.

Last year my voice was burdened with hurt, even though I spoke in strength and confidence in the Lord.

This year.

I sat at a dinner table with new friends, and older friends- and celebrated the diversity and likeness of people I have met and loved.

This year I was not aching for an arrival, nor was I searching for anyone else.

This year I have experienced the something huge that happened, and the overwhelming joy that has come from being patient for the right thing.

This year my voice speaks mostly love, echoes laughter- and my silences speak a consistent strength and confidence in a loving Savior whom has loved me so much and so perfectly.

30.

Turning you, was amazing. It was a great year. I learned, loved, lost and let go of a lot. And while I wish I could have changed people, or some details of what transpired- I wouldn't change the goodness that came from seeing relationships, jobs, a house, and a town all the way through.

31 came and a week later my dad arrived. Remarking at the details of the life I've facilitated and created here. Loving each nuance. And finally, when leaving "you look and sound so happy. That's the best." Yes. Dad. That is the best.

At home. In and of myself. And really thankful for the amazing people in my life that pushed me to this place, and continue to participate.

So far 31 has been completely fun, and unexpected. In great ways.