The most striking difference I have noticed with the staff I now manage from the one I previously did before... is their age. I went from ladies mostly post-college, newly married, in the thick of determining what they wanted their relationships to look like, and making headed compromises for those they have chosen to love.
The girls I help lead, and manage now are in their college years, and are in their mid twenties. Not many married. Some with kids, some not. The girls are smart, Wake Forest students-- and they are critical thinkers and I love that.
Last night at work we had someone that works in the kitchen at Wake come in to say hi to the girls because he recognized them as he walked by the store. It was near closing time, and the store was emptied. We stood in a group as this man asked the girls what they were looking for in a man, and in a relationship. I stood in the circle of girls, not quite part of them, but not really on the outside either. I listened to the banter, and articulation of things desired in a partner. The girl speaking is not even 20, and is a bright and wonderfully articulated person. The guy wasn't listening to her talk. He heard her, but only what he had wanted to hear. It was fascinating to stand in the room and watch the entire dynamic play out. Eventually he left, we walked towards the back to close up for the night, and my mind started to focus on the list I had to complete. Behind me I could hear the girls chatter and gossip about the conversation with the guy who came in to say hello. As the one girl in particular was recounting her opinion of the chat, if I hadn't been paying attention I would have missed it, she said to the other girls, "I think Kari has a lot she could help us understand and know about boys, relationships, and love."
In one sentence.
In one moment.
I made the transition from broken staff, hurting women, destructive and painful relationship situations to someone who was going to lead, love, and manage a group of girls trying to get their footing, find out who they are, and become women.
I turned around and acknowledged the comment, and I can't remember what I said now. But I do remember saying, "I know some great. Good. Men. Don't settle for someone who talks at you, and pretends to listen, like that guy. There are good, honest, caring boys out there. I promise."
A few things struck me about that statement. Mostly, I thought about my brother Bill. I thought about how loved and protected I have felt with him. I thought about Matty. How I have met and encountered a true, loyal, and lifelong brother in Christ. I thought of my Dad, Stan the Man- he's honest, reliable, and has so much integrity. After that my mind started racing with other thoughts, like how special my friendship with Holmes has been over the years, Seth's long distance communication skills, Andrew Forest's attention to detail and safety, the sporadic but consistent emails Nick and I have shared for years, and the wonderful list that followed. Yes. There are good. Honest. Caring boys out there. I have known some of the best. The greats. In more ways then I can often understand I am molded and shaped by the ways in which I have been loved by them. It is true, and though sometimes difficult that my heart has also been bruised and broken, I know that is part of my story. But this place, space, and time I am in right now allowed thoughts of those men, those boys, those relationships that have pursued and loved selflessly and with Christ like intention to take center stage.
I want the girls I work with to know people as crass, wise, and honorable as my brother Bill.
I want the girls I work with to laugh, and share so many varying levels of life with someone as loyal as Matt.
I want the girls I work with to be served, provided for, and cared for in the ways that Andrew Forest and Holmes did for me, especially before I moved.
I want the girls I work with to have an open forum to open and honest and share the ridiculous and meaningful details of a day with someone like Seth.
I want the girls I work with to know that someone who will manipulate, lie, use, or continue cycles of emotional distress distract them from boys that will love them better. And well.
And that in the meantime, who they are on their own- as they are is enough. They are beautiful, smart, and wonderfully complex. They are enough. The good and best men will see that.
I pray that as I work with them, they work for me, and I continue to lead and love on them the best I can- that they are able to see their God and Father exuding the qualities and showering them with love and affection that meets their needs first, most, and always best.
Thankful. For a crazy day (there was a fire alarm pulled at the mall, there was an entire evacuation), that allowed a peaceful and quiet night for something of more substance to grow and expand. For my heart's true desire to be met- to be known, to know, to love, and to allow the wellspring of hope, love, and Grace bestowed on me by Christ to envelop those I touch.
I was invited out Thursday night with some of the girls I spent time with yesterday.
The invitation came after the creation of the event, I heard them all talking about it last week.
Yesterday Shanita invited me when we were all outside in the fire drill. It was almost like removing us from the store and placing us outside in an evacuation meant that the roles, titles, and responsibilities were able to be left inside. Outside we were just a bunch of girls laughing at the situation, and getting to know each other.
We went back inside, and what was established outside was not lost. It actually led straight into what would turn into a very meaningful shift before closing in discussing the very real hope and truth: there are good men out there.
I pray among them to let me tell you about some of the greatest ones I have known... but this one in particular who is Perfect, Constant, and Eternally loving. Day by day. Building and expanding on what good work has already begun.
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