Right Now.

Sensitive.

Impressionable.

Tender.

Busy.

Fatigued.

Focused.

Scattered.

Overwhelmed.

Controlled.

A wee bit... manic.

Quiet.

Loud.

Stretched.Thin.

Learning.

Hoping. Believing. Trusting.

Changing.

Over Socialized.

Missing Church.

Moments of Joy too far between the Chaos.

Just some words I would use to describe my life right now.

Sunday I was off. It was my first Sunday off since Christmas. I didn't want to go to church. I wanted to snuggle into my bed and sleep the entire day. Just because I didn't want to be engaged, talked to, asked questions, I did not want to be present. However. With 10 minutes to get out of my house I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, threw some jeans on, grabbed my mascara (for car application), and I hit the road north to Waynesboro. My arrival was a welcomed surprise and the look on Cathy's face was priceless.

I did not want to be there. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be quiet. I wanted to not talk. I wanted to just be. Anywhere else.

But I went. And Jesus blessed me. So richly and so extravagantly. He quieted the selfish parts of my heart so that I could listen. So that I could hear. So that I could be made completely whole in His presence, His presence alone. Not in my own. Not by myself in my house, or my car, or lost in my own thoughts.

I went to the Daley's for a quick visit afterwards. I wanted to talk. I wanted to share. I wanted to listen. I wanted to rest in the company of family. I wanted to be hugged. I wanted to be encouraged. I wanted to absorb every last moment of goodness with them so that when I was empty again, and wanting to be alone- that I would remember what comes with community.

I came home. Put together some IKEA furniture, rearranged some things... followed two fantastic Football games online, walked from room to room, made dinner, and went to bed. Sunday started with a fight. A battle. It was loud and it was ugly. Thankfully. Praise God so much for this, when I realized that I could not win it- I went exactly where He wanted me. In a Sanctuary. To hear and listen about Revelation and the Truth.

I was challenged.

I was humbled.

I was loved.

I was found in my seat and I was spoken to.

Friends. On this day off in which I am snowed in with my beloved Dog, and in a setting that my thoughts run rampant and I often struggle to focus on the truth. I have been able to celebrate. Smile. Laugh. Procrastinate the chores. But also Be. In my own skin. Freshly centered from the Sabbath. And holding firmly and tightly to the truth. I may forget it tomorrow. I may forget it in the next minute. My Faith sometimes struggles in not living the circumstantial. But right now...

I know that I am loved.

That I am a daughter, friend, and sister.

I am not defined by my hurts, choices, or successes.

Only as one who has received, accepted, and needs to remember Jesus Christ died for me, and in Him I am made new- each and every day.

I don't write much here. I am a little obsessed with the postcard blog. But felt here in this place where only a few read, I should open a window to what I've been thinking about. The condensed version will appear on a postcard, but here... I wanted to speak without space and postage constraints.

Love.Love.

K