It's crazy that its another year. Last year Matty and I were driving down to Florida to meet up with Tex in Naples for a few days before our Disney 5K. I honestly, in this moment feel like an entirely different person then the girl that began that road trip.
I'm doing well. Though I'm struggling. I am having a hard time with some work place drama, and I am finding it nearly impossible to keep my head above the insidious and damaging opinions. I have a hard time not feeling like I'm the only one doing anything well, or at all- and I know that feeding my ego in that place is not Godly or productive. Nonetheless I need one of the people I work with to quit. As time continues the frustration multiplies, and I'm never left thinking I'm actually going to quit- but there are definitely moments that I'd like to, just to prove my point.
I have also been thinking a lot about how do we really move on from the past into the future, and when does the future truly become the present? I had a thought today in the car that I refuse to bring certain pieces of baggage from 2010 into 2011... and how I will not compromise my future because I'm dying to the past. This covers a multitude of areas. I think for the most part, I'm just done. With the insanity.
I am however feeling stretched in great ways. I have some girls at work that I've loved getting to know, and even went out for New Years with Jessica and her friends last night. She thinks I'm the cutest person she's ever met, and she allows me the opportunity to laugh and scream about work and life equally. We like a lot of the same things, share a common appreciation for triumphing over family chaos, and we laugh- a lot. I know that she isn't walking with the Lord the same as I, but I find it encouraging that my life can be a witness to her, and that by sharing my story I'm sharing the greatest Love Story Ever.
The bigger thing that I think about these days is a new blog idea I am going to launch. Get pumped. It will be letter writing meets postcard ease meets a Twitter feed in which I do not support- meets Facebook Status updates weekly time capsules. That made no sense. But get excited. I'm really excited to see this project into fruition, and mostly how next January 1 in the year 2012 I will be able to look back on this idea with a large sense of gratitude.
On a whole. Ok. Tired. Really really tired. Not taking care of my body at all. Caffeine is not a meal replacer, but I do love the Bucks so. I took pictures of a beloved family over Christmas- which I will have to edit in the next few days. I don't journal anymore, and I struggle with writing here... but I think a lot in my car each way to work. The Lord is continuing to instill in my heart the confidence that in choosing a new path I'm not disowning that which I once loved... it just means I am opening myself up to what I'm going to love next.
Figuring it out.
Thankful for you. Always.
Love.Love.
Kar
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