I remember meeting up with Seth and Julie Michels in NKY Thanksgiving about... what was that? Three years ago? Yeah. Anyway- I was sharing my disdain for Family Choices and drama around the Holidays. Like there had be a resurgence of the hardship in my life, and it made me a bit of a Debbie Downer. Seth completely understand the dynamics of families endured and through Divorce situations. I felt like I was heard.
The journey however since that Thanksgiving has been hard. I've struggled with wanting something I can't have, and that has ruined my ability to be joyful in what is there. Last year I spent Christmas with the Pipers. It was difficult due to their previously announced divorce, but all in all, it was a great Christmas. Kristyn, Tex, and I laughed a lot- played a lot of Mario on the Wii, and just enjoyed each other. It was a gift. It was a prayed for time, and there was a lot of apprehension leading up to the time together, but I never have regretted it. It was beloved.
This year I am going to Emily's parents house. They are like parents to me, and when the debate this year came around about where I was going to spend my time, and what kind of time off I'd get there was a lot of struggle about not being able to go to South Dakota to see my sister. Since the invitation from Emily, I have thought "yeah if I can get the time off to justify the drive I will go."
I hosted Thanksgiving. I don't know if I could adequately describe how good the company was to have in my home, the view as I looked around the table at loved faces, or how I went to sleep each night to my full size bed- Gracie, and Mandy as we shared. It was warm. Cozy. Comfortable. Sublime. Quiet. Loud. Gregarious. Generous. And I felt so completely loved and able TO love without asking for, or wanting any singular thing to be different. I wrote as my Facebook status something completely true- as a girl who often struggles with a desire to fast forward, or rewind through life, I was most grateful for my ability to really pause and PLAY with the great loves in my life. It was a different pace of time. And it was a reflection of a hard fought and won year.
I am transitioning into thoughts of Christmas and all that entails. I may not love love Christmas music on a large scope, but I am enjoying my Josh Groban and Sugarland Holiday selections. I have laughed at work as the play list has been infused with Holiday Classics, and while I don't sing along- its a refreshing moment to be aware of the Season, its purpose, and how my heart is not dreading what is to come. I am content in my decision to see Emily, and am thankful that because of that choice and her family I will be driving through KY and OH and will be able to see Mandy, Kristyn, and then of course Tex as well.
I continue to pray about the time West of here. And I admit there are moments when I sense my panic come into play, and influence decisions that my common sense knows better then to indulge. I'm excited to celebrate our born King, and all the joy and hope that comes with the birth of a child. I continue to marvel at how much this year I have sensed myself "grow up", and wake up. But how much of that has really been remembering the simple pleasures in life, if you let them because the treasures that matter- and seeking Joy in all circumstances will completely change everything. everything. forever.
It's refreshing not feel like a Scrooge. Even if in moments I long for something that is not real. It's the trick of the heart and mind, and I am finding myself winning that battle more then losing it.
Thanksgiving was a gift. Treasure. And completely Jesus in every aspect. I am excited to feel similarly in a couple of short weeks as Christmas Celebrating with a family so precious to me will bring forth more joy, acceptance, love, and Godly perspective.
Thankful. For you. Still and Always.
xoxo
Kar
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