Sometimes I will be driving home and I will think of a thousand things to say and share but once i walk into my door I'm speechless.
I wrote last week a novel update on the work life, it was cathartic because it was finally the ability to articulate some of my feelings and stuff that I'm dealing with. However, I miss my routine of blogging, picture taking, and just being who I am in this place- who has actually not been who I am in this place in a long time, because I've been everywhere else... all the freaking time.
The List of Now:
1) Went to the Packers game with my brother and dad. It was great fun, and it was a bucket list item now checked off. I loved laughing, sharing, and staying cool in the 90 degree heat with my family. It was great.
2) Kristyn and Kalan came to visit this weekend, on their way to Maryland where Kalan is now working/living. I stayed up late with Kristyn, and shared in a glorious conversation about friendship, love, relationships, purpose, goodbyes, and holding on. She is dealing with a lot of the grief of moving a best friend far away, and my heart in the context of such a topic knows exactly what she is talking about. It's been almost a year since Tex moved and sometimes I think I foolishly still expect him to pull up to the house, come inside, change some light bulbs that have gone out, and stay for dinner. Anyway, I love the girls. And we did a little photo shoot in downtown Lexington in the Fall sunshine, and it was divine.
3) Today I am actually getting three things accomplished that I have procrastinated and struggled with. 2 new tires. Oil change. Hair cut. To say that I've been obsessed with these things is a complete understatement. I can't stop thinking about them, and I have debated and procrastinated until the better day, a better choice. Though today the stress it was bringing was more intense then the waiting, and so I am sitting here utilizing a little work cubby and free Internet while I wait for my car. Then I hang out with Nicki for my session, and then at 4pm we are cutting the hair and coloring it brown. Going dark kids. Its time.
4) I am struggling through balance. I know that my time and productivity does not define my value. I just wish however that I knew how to enjoy my personal time more as I "come down" from a work day, or "gear up" when I'm closing. I think I do this better when I'm the opening manager because it forces me to come home and regroup and then I have a few hours before I go to bed to either go out to eat with a friend, or get a little organized. Tonight is my only real night at home all week. I'm hoping to be home by 7pm. That is my goal. We will see how this goes.
5) I am ok. I feel better right now then I have in recent weeks as the transition to work becomes less transition and more routine. I like the job. I am exhausted emotionally by it, but it is clear that I am there for a specific reason which has less to do with formal wear then it does to be a light in a very dark place as the staff is just struggling. I'm excited and encouraged by this conviction to be there, even if at times I admittedly resent it.
6) Going to be checking out a new church this Sunday in Roanoke. I work at 2pm, which means I have time for an 11am service and lunch after. I'm sad to not be at Tab in Waynesboro, but I think the reality of my life being in Roanoke full time in the week leads me to choose a community either where work is or in Lexington- Roanoke being the better church option for when I work Sundays. So praying through that and hoping that the Lord blesses the search with clarity.
There is lots more to share and care, but I had to start somewhere, so today that is all.
Love you.
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