Timing

The goodness of the Lord's timing never ceases to amaze me. He is in the details. I wish I was more aware of this on a daily basis. 

This weekend Gracie and Sadie got into a spat, which led me to make the decision to drive Gracie to Connecticut to spend 6 weeks with my mom during my European Adventure. The spat happened on Sunday, and Monday morning I went about my business and made the decision at 1pm to drive up North to my mom's. Tex, who had previously planned to be in Chesapeake had a change in his own plans and was able to come along. The drive and conversation in the hours was perfectly planned and purposed- I will never forget them or be able to deny the work of the Father in their timing. I am home now in my "Gracie-less" bed and my heart is sad. The comfort I draw from her warm and cuddliness is amplified by being home and the road trip complete... the void is deep, and it hurts.  Tomorrow I begin the 48 hour spectacle of getting ready for Friday, which is highlighted by dinner that I'm having with a great friend. Dinner tomorrow night is the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I am a planner and I like to prepare for the bends in the road. I like to be able to brace myself for difficult terrain, and I like to anticipate more then just blindly participating. Tonight, while very sleepy from a long two days, and just emotional for a variety of reasons... I am thankful that my heart has found encouragement in the Lord's timing. His purpose. His plan. His map for the road trip I'm on in the span of my life. I know that my control is an illusion, and I know that I get lost in wanting to increase its effectiveness. I know that I want truly what the Lord wants, and I pray for His power to mold and guide me.... however, I mostly desire deeply and truly to be changed. 

Tonight on this very clear starry night I have remembered the significance of giving it all to Christ. Not just what I want to give, or what I think He desires. He creates the timetable, and to seek Him in all moments I am reminded that I have to give Him all of me. Lord... I give you all of me. Make something beautiful. Create in me a renewed hope for the future. Instill in me a vision that is of your own making. Give me people who will love me well, and will sacrifice it all in your name. Take my doubt and replace it with your truth. Protect those I love and draw them nearer to you. Remind me in the weeks to come that you are close, even when I will be traveling far away from comfort. When I loose sight of these things, gently remind me of what is so clear to me on this night... that your timing is perfect. Your love is perfect. And that you have begun a good work in me. 

I may not like the fact I can't reference God's clock by the hour. And I may struggle with wanting to hold onto things I think are good for me, but aren't. I want to know the point in some areas that I am lost in. Tonight I caught the vision for what it meant to hold onto something so tightly- that fighting for it, and letting go of it was the same exact thing.

I'm excited to leave. I'm terrified on an hourly basis about a different aspect of the journey. 

This is also the first moment in recent days, that I know I am now ready. 

The timing is absolutely divine. 

I will be open to art, culture, new people... 

I long to be inspired, moved, and silenced by what I will see.

I seek to be changed. Divinely, perfectly, and beautifully. 

I pray for my heart to be peaceful and rested. 

I hope for... the thousand things I want to say to be heard without a single word spoken. 

I don't know what life will look like when I return, because I don't know what my vision will be after such an incredible adventure. I have hands to hold, I have hearts that will pray... the time has come for the great leap. I'm going for it.