Thursday

Thursday Thursday Thursday.

It's rather warm outside and I am bustling around the house trying to get myself together to leave tomorrow at 6am for my flight in Richmond to Jacksonville, Florida. I am spending the weekend with a dear friend, a lady I used to spend a lot of time with when we both lived in Ct. Linda Scott and her family extended their home in Ridgefield to me whenever I needed a place to stay with while visiting childhood friends and working Emmaus weekends. I have not seen her in about two years, which is way too long. 

I will spend the weekend with her at her home in Ponte Verda, Florida and then travel about 7 hours south to Naples to spend the rest of the week with my mom and friends there. This has been a trip in the making for quite some time, but thankfully I was able to get some really inexpensive airfare down to Florida! I was not pleased with the idea of driving 2,000 miles roundtrip and returning home so close to my departure for Thailand. So the Lord blessed me with Air Tran and less then a $200 round trip. 

So its just another day packing stuff up, trying to get organized, cleaning my room a bit for any one who might need to crash out our house while I am away...getting stupidly sentimental about leaving my dog and friends...and getting amped for the friends I am going to see. Nothing terribly exciting other then that, I'm just trying to get back into the habit of writing again on the blog.

House Dinner

Tuesdays are one of the main highlights of my life here in Lexington. There's just nothing else quite like 'em... and the biggest reason is because its the night we have House Dinner. Now, this started as a small idea, but grew unexpectedly the very first night that Theresa, Jen, and I were set to do a weekly meal on Tuesday nights back in Feb. of this year. The first night we planned it, Holmes got invited...which then turned into inviting Matt and Sunshine as well.So house dinner grew from the girls house to the boys house too, which honestly has been such a blessing. Every week we alternate who cooks, and now that there are a total of seven of us, it works out marvelously to get 6 weeks of Tuesday dinners without cooking. I love it. 

Tonight was my night, and so I made Chicken Marsala...and it went off without a hitch. Some weeks the table conversation is quiet, and other weeks it can be quite loud and gregarious. Last week we had Jana and Betty Cabell join us, in past weeks we have had Mandy's mom who was in town, or my dad when he was visiting. We can accommodate the changes well, and its always fun to see what everyone comes up with. You can count on Matt making something a little different in a culinary good weird foodie way, Theresa is typically healthy family cooking, I like to make something I never typically make, and who ever is next is usually questioned thoroughly about what they're thinking for the following week. 

In addition to the food, there is always a moment in there when I am sitting at the table listening to the conversations that buzz around a thousand miles a minute when I just think "wow, these are the days of our lives"...while a tacky catch phrase from a Soap Opera, its the truth. Four years ago when I moved here there would not have been the opportunity to do a house dinner. When I bought my house, it was my sincere prayer that the Lord would create a gathering place, would turn it into a home that welcomed anyone who wanted a place to belong, rest, laugh, eat, sleep, or live. In the past year I can see that prayer in more fruition and am so humbled by the way that people live in this home. We have our quirks, and that's not even referring to Theresa, Mandy and that I actually live here full time! But there are ways that I sense our hospitality is appreciated, for example: Matt sweeping off the leaves from the steps leading up to the garage, and Tex coordinating trash removal from all the small projects from the weekend and cleaning out the fridge. These are just two examples from the past few days that do matter to me, I do pay attention, and I so deeply appreciate these gestures that I did not even request. So while the empty cans of soda left on the end table, or the misc dishes from food consumed by guests can get tedious and annoying- the memory of small gestures like mentioned above are recalled to ease any sort of frustration. 

This house has brought challenges and joys but I am encouraged by the ways I have grown since April of 2006 simply by living here on White Oak Lane...and I am excited about the possibilities that exist in staying in Lexington, Virginia for a good while longer and the folks that will continue to make their way over to this house and hang out for awhile. Who knows who will be part of house dinner next year, as staffing changes at camp continue to cycle and people pursue other dreams...myself included. But tonight, over Chicken Marsala among six of my favorite people in this little town that I currently call home I said a prayer of thanks and a prayer of hope...a desire to stay, to continue to belong, and to continue to grow as we come to a table and share our lives over a meal each Tuesday night. 

Monday

It's Monday. Its almost December...how crazy is that?

I am at home today doing some housework, and trying to stay cozy because it looks so sad outside.

I have decided that while the Coffee House Acoustic station on the Satellite radio has been my mainstay for months, I think I'm breaking up with it. I have loved listening to "The Pulse, the 90's and Now" all weekend, and have love love loved it. I tried going back to Coffee House station this morning but honestly people...it just doesn't pack the same sentimental punch that the pulse does- it inspires between the 1991 hit from Roxette "It Must've Been Love" to the current and it just makes me happy. And a quirky thing that the programming does that makes me smile is amazing, when the song is just far enough out from memory it will in parenthesis put the year it was released just so you can be sure it was in fact the 90's!

In other news today has been full of banter about Thailand. The messages we've got going between Mark, Betty Cabell, Tiffany and I have perpetuated the excitement I feel and the ways I am longing to get organized to get ready to go. I keep going through items in my closet that I want to bring, and things that absolutely don't have to come with me. I am going to be bold and try and pack as small as I possibly can... and just "rough" it a little bit. ;o)

Well nothing terribly exciting today. Current Location: My desk in Lexington, VA. Current Mood: Procrastination Bliss. Plans for Eve: Spaghetti Night.

Thanksgiving Eve

Oh yes there is so much to be thankful for this Holiday Season...there always is. I am glad that we have a holiday dedicated to being thankful by way of eating turkey, sweet potato casserole, and taking an afternoon nap. I mean, seriously, isn't that amazing?

Tonight I am home alone for the first time in I can't tell you how long. I am sure there are sneaky nights tucked into my forgetful mind, but this is the first time in a long while that its Gracie, Ginger, Cat and I alone for four nights. It's ridiculously exciting. I have opted to stay home in Lexington for Thanksgiving this year. I will be avoiding the stress of the holiday traffic, and do something kind of foreign to me at this point-- being at home! I plan to share a meal with some good people and enjoy the day, but the weekend? It's completely open. I have some random plans and ideas, so we shall see what happens in the days to come. 

In the time since my last post I have gone into NYC, traveled home to Virginia, enjoyed friends here- and did the ridiculous five hour drive back and forth to Asheville, NC for a wedding on Saturday. Life just kept moving right along, and I have had some great afternoons on my own, and evenings with friends, and now I am at my house just enjoying some Josh Groban (LOVE HIM) singing Christmas Carols on Oprah.

So as seeing tomorrow is Thanksgiving I have been thinking a lot about the things that I have been so blessed with this year, and what I hold to be so dear and true in my heart. 

My home. A place I have been away from more times than I can count, but coming back to Lexington always equates warmth in my heart because this is where my "heart" is, as cliche as that may sound. I have been so blessed with girls to live with that love and seek the Lord and in turn have been stretched in living in such accountability, and love. The dynamics continue to change and mature, and as I continue to be made more aware of those ways and blessings I pray that we can continue to grow in love and in friendship.

Opportunity. I could not have embarked on this adventure in my sabbatical without opportunity. This takes a variety of definitions, but in the end it all comes together to create one masterpiece of a life. The financial freedom, the roommates at home that take care of home and Gracie, the Lord that has given the calling and push to jump off the edge of the plan, family that has not doubted my big picture and walked with me through the little steps, my goodness I could list on and on about all the pieces of the puzzle that have come together to give me this opportunity of adventure since July 26th. So, later in life- in the decades to come I will be most thankful for this time in 2007 and the way that the opportunity came to life into adventure. 

Friends. I have truly been overwhelmed this year with amazing friends, for the challenges some friendships have endured, and for the relationships that have turned into some very beautiful reflections of Christ. I have been encouraged to be myself, I have been given the opportunities to say the wrong things and been forgiven, and I have been completely understood in the process of change by some who just get me. I am so ever thankful for those friends- the precious, the ones I did not choose, the friends that have challenged me, and the few in there that meet all the descriptions above and so much more. I am blessed and honored by them. 

So that's just a short list of meaningful things that I could have rambled on forever about. My heart is full, and my spirit is saturated with thanks to the Lord. My words fail my Love and thanks.

Oh Ridgefield

I suppose there is no other way to express my time in Ridgefield other then sitting back and releasing a sigh of breath while saying "oh...Ridgefield". The random people I saw, the conversations that I had with folks, the reunions of sorts with friends I have not seen in years, and the general feeling of comfort while in the place I spent so much of my life can only be described with such a sigh. Also, a sigh for the weather. It snowed on Friday. Ridiculous.

As I heard the latest about folks I grew up with I could not help but wonder what my life would look like if I still lived in Ridgefield. So many old classmates have since returned to our hometown and are creating new lives there, with new friends...and its strange to see the couples that have formed in the years since High School and who have started creating families together. I'm sure if asked back in 1999 who would be with who, who would have married who, who would live where, etc I would not be very successful in my predictions. It would be my hope however that everyone was happy and continued to find their purpose, and I'd like to believe that such hope is true.

In addition to mini-reunions I was also there for a specific reason, and that was to attend the funeral of Lew Rumpf, father of my long time friend Jim. The services were at First Congo, the church my parents were married in, and the church I was confirmed in when I was in the 8th grade. I participated in many Emmaus Closing's there, and the sanctuary holds a special place in my heart. As I sat in the pew during the service while listening to all the thoughtful words and the meaningful message during the Homily, my mind was racing thinking about my experience in the church during my time in Ridgefield. I thought manically and randomly of where one day I'd like to be married, where my parents would like to be put to rest when they pass away, where my future children will attend Sunday School, and then back to Lew and how he lived this very big life that I learned much more about in memoriam, and how I wished to live as boldly and with such an appetite for adventure as he. Lew passed away at 58 years old, and perhaps in light of my recent birthday I began to think of all that I wished to accomplish in the next 30 plus years, and honestly I wondered, "Is that enough time?"....

Oh Kari. Yes, you are obsessed with time... I worry about being late, being early, running out of it, having too much of it, I can't help wondering about the concept of time and what I can personally do to change it. When will I ever learn that I have absolutely no control over any segment of time? And the only way to really conquer this control issue is to just completely let it go? There are periods in my life when I am most sensitive to this particular issue and I can only describe it by saying that death, birthdays, and milestones spur this on more. I am deeply moved by "endings", like the end of a television series that I have loved, or someone moving away to conquer new dreams, or from movies and books that remind me of something I have experienced in the past.

Having been home I have sensed my thought process to be along the lines of time and what is happening in my life on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. I have been able to see growth in my walk with the Lord, and in self awareness which is always encouraging...and in the next instant I can feel my anxiety about the future and what that means beyond next February. I had so many questions come my way about what I'm up to these days, where I'm living, and how I am doing that I tried to get it all down to a sentence or two or just be as evasive as possible to avoid further questioning! "I'm in Virginia, no not in DC, a few hours south of there, I worked on Young Life staff, yes I still love Jesus, I am happy, I want my own store I'm praying on that. Thanks great seeing you too." Hah, its been interesting.

Tomorrow I plan to rise at my usual time, and head into NYC. I have no particular plan in motion other than that, I just feel the need to smell, see, and just be in NY. I will probably spend some time scoping out a museum, grab lunch, shop a little bit and then return to my dad's house. I will get some good sleep tomorrow so that I can be alert and ready to ride back to Virginia on Tuesday. I have loved being in Hamden, and Ridgefield but honestly? This afternoon I wished for nothing else then to click my heels and magically arrive at my house in Lexington. What a comforting feeling that brought to my heart, to still want at the end of the day to be in my home and with my friends there. The ideas and thoughts of moving, and working outside my current 24450 zip code have left for a lot of day dreaming and praying...and sometimes I get really nervous when I feel comfortable and inspired being somewhere else, that I get excited and anxious all at the same time...but in the next moment or even sometimes a day later I get that ever present ache in my stomach that says "Bed. Dog. House. Friends. Hammock." and I know that its time to head home.

Oh Ridgefield. How I love your cute little main street, the hot dog stand, Venice pizza, Ballard Park, memories of being a Middle School Terror, and a High School social butterfly. I am thankful I can return to a place that reminds me of where I come from, who I used to be, and can still provide so many laughs with friends I hold so dear when we reunite. Life is sweet in Virginia, but Ridgefield is my hometown- and nothing will ever be able to change what that means to me and how it makes me feel when I am there.

Old Slavery

Jean, Myself, and Shiela.

Tonight I had dinner with the two ladies above and Dave. The moment Jean opened her mouth memories of 'isms' came to mind and I couldn't stop smiling: craptacular, BMH, etc...The four of us worked together at Old Navy and shared in some randomly fun good times, and in parting some not so great ones. Jean hired me in 2000, and as she likes to say 'developed' me through the three years in training and pushing me along into more responsibility. I have always felt that I would work for Jean anywhere doing anything. I grew a lot under her leadership and care, and while we are personally so very different I appreciated her take on relationships and her management style. Shiela was also a Manager in Hamden, and our bond of friendship has continued in the four years since I moved to Virginia. I was in her wedding, and last year she and her family drove down to VA to spend a few days at my house. Dave, I haven't seen in years but he makes me laugh so hard. Dave started at Old Navy while a Sr. in High School and went full time after he graduated. He was a "men's lead' which he loved, and he worked under Jean so the little circle continues.

Memories can play tricks with your heart. As I sat at dinner tonight people's faces and names came flooding back and suddenly I was in this euphoric memory of the past. All the goofy things that made me laugh so hard then are still funny, and while remembering some difficult situations and conversations the twinge of hurt no longer quite as sharp or bitter. It's great to see growth in heart over time, and its comforting to know that despite time elapsing at what seems an ever quickening pace, that four people can sit at a table for the first time in four years and that we could share our lives with each other. I was deeply touched by the experience and hope that in the future when I return to Hamden in visits that I will be able to call on these friends and meet up once again.

There are these random snap shots we get into our past that sometimes can bring us peace of mind and heart that we don't anticipate. While driving around Hamden today and seeing these friends I was reminded of what my life looked like when I lived here. As I pulled into my parking spot tonight at my dad's apartment I had this thought "Kari, remember when you lived here? Remember what that was like? Remember when you came home every night to this door and walked up those steps? Remember who you were? Remember what you were thinking about the future and how you approached your present day?" In those questions live this minuscule moment that tries to convince you that returning to this place would bring you back to that time and that your life would continue. The trick of the matter is, I left a place, a job, part of my life for a reason. The calling to some new adventure was strong, and I prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide my steps as I jumped off into the unknown. I don't regret making those choices and taking the roads I did...but sometimes in a night such as tonight, and in a place I grew so much in such as here, I begin to think that I can recapture something I am missing by returning...and the truth is: I can't.

I can just remember. I can take it all in, and hug those friends I dearly loved then...but in a few days I will get back in my car and I will drive 8 hours south to my life in Virginia. I will pull into my driveway and walk into my house that I love, I will see a dog wagging her tail violently with affection, I will see faces of people that I love tremendously in the 'now' of my life, and I will sit down on the couch and I know that while the memory of the daydreaming of returning to the past in CT will linger, I know that I will choose for me now what I had to leave here for. Hopefully I will be able to stay in better touch with memories and people in the distance, as to be able to accomplish the entire "have your cake and eat it too" sense of marrying the past which in some way I desire- with the present which is what my heart truly wants and needs in order to bring me to the future.

The Long Way Home

Here I am. In Connecticut. I lived in this state for 20 years. They say there's nothing quite like going home again, and I think for the most part that is true. What has struck me through the years moving from one house, to an apartment, and then around to a few more- is how different it feels pulling into each driveway...and how none truly compares the driveway of the house you grew up in. I used to fall asleep in the car on the way home from just about anywhere- but once the car turned up Shadblow Hill I knew that I was home and it was time to get out of the car. The comfort that feeling brought to my heart has not been lost in my memory through the years and I have often wondered if it is going to be replaced in the future when I am truly settled in a home with my very own family.

What does remind me of comfort and a sense of pulling up the driveway with the familiarity of a blanket is being in the homes of either of my parents. My dad keeps a fairly simple apartment in Hamden, Ct where I once lived when we moved out of Ridgefield. He has stayed in the same place now for about 7 years, which is crazy to think that its been that long since I lived in "The Ridge". Looking around his apartment are the typical furnishings, dining table, television, comprehensive surround sound equipment set up, etc... nothing really brings anything to mind or heart of past significance. But when I take a closer look I see items that once decorated the home we shared as a family, and I am reminded of seeing a particular painting on a different wall- in a far off house in a far off time. As I sit here, every 15 minutes with a different chime the grandfather clock bells off the meaning of a quarter past, or thirty minutes into an hour the same way its has done for the past fifteen years. I am reminded of the times I would hear it in our old house and how other times the chaos of 7 of us at one time living together would completely over power the simple chimes it plays off.

When I visit my mom's home in Florida while her decor reflects a different theme then the house I used to live with her in, there are pieces that I see that are of the olden days. When I pull open a cabinet drawer for something in the kitchen a particular knife is still being used that we had in the old house, and there is a beautiful piece of furniture that lives in her bedroom that reminds me of the living room we had that had white carpet in it before we refinished the hardwood floors. I used to walk from the screened in porch where we would eat dinner in during the warm months with dishes and serving platters of food, just praying that my clumsy self would not drop anything on the pristine white carpet.

All of these little tokens and little things recreate what I think my heart misses. I think my heart misses a central location for my entire family, a place where I can walk in the door and see everyone. I know that we are all happy where we are, and being scattered across the country does add some excitement for vacation destinations...but sometimes I do want a sitcom situation. I wish seeing my parents was as easy as a ten minute drive for dinner...instead I drove 8 hours today to come north to visit with my dad, or in other situations put myself on a plane to get to my mom. I am comforted with being here, and I am encouraged that one day I perhaps will settle down and have a central location for my children and their children- which is so weird for me to think, let alone write, because I seldom think about my future in that context. Recently my life has been this open canvas as to whatever the Lord would have me go, be, do, love, and change...so to think of being rooted, settled, in one place is just kind of funny as nothing in my life right now reflects any of those adjectives. But oh the future. How you will amaze me, and how you will completely take me by surprise.

While I am in Hamden I do plan to see some special friends I had when I lived in this area, and as I travel to Ridgefield during my time in CT I am sure many of the feelings above will come to the surface as I get reacquainted with the small town that I lived in and loved dearly comes into focus and seeing friends from the past will bring up all sorts of memories of folks loved and missed as life continues to ramble on.

So the long way home. It took 8 hours to get to the time machine that is my Father's house with all the tokens and memories tucked away into familiar pictures, and family heirlooms. I wonder if home will continue to change as I get older, and as my family changes. Yet, I know that when I am in Ridgefield this weekend I will take Ivy to Florida Hill and turn left onto Shadblow Hill, and I will pass by the home I so dearly loved from 1982-1997...and I will remember the playhouse my Poppa built for me that lived in the back yard, and I will remember the Secretary Desk that lived in the living room and witnessed every little thing dropped on the white carpet I tried to hide or deny I was responsible for... and the time machine will continue and I will be grateful for having such strong bonds and love for my childhood..the childhood I raced through to get to my adulthood because I thought that's when all the real stuff happened. Oh, why do we race through our lives to get to what we think is better? Let's just all slow down. It happens way too fast.

Birthday Goodness

So my birthday weekend came and went and it was fantastic. I am warning you now, I use the word fantastic quite a bit when describing things as of late, and it gets a little old...but I still love it.

On Saturday Tex and I went up to Falls Church, VA to The State Theater to see Pat Monahan perform a fun little show. I love Pat. He did not disapoint and I left just giggling like a little kid. The encore performance that ended somewhere after midnight brought in my official day of birth. We decided to take advantage of the hour we were going to save by bringing the clocks back, by driving around Washington DC at night- and it sure was beautiful. I commented then, that everything is so much smaller now that I'm older. I remember the infamous 8th grade ERMS trip to DC and was taken aback by the sheer size and volume of each place we went. Now, its miniature looking...but still beautiful.


On Sunday I was off to a slow start due to the hour I got to bed, 3:45am (but really 4:45am), but I was able to get myself dressed and ready for church. On Sunday evening friends were to come over and partake in some birthday celebrating- and I was very touched by all the thought that went into the menu by Matt, and the time Theresa invested in helping him prep. I got to hang out and play CLUE with Joel and Tex and enjoyed a lazy afternoon laughing at losing all three games. SO THANKS to everyone who called, emailed, sent cards, and showed up to celebrate my birthday with me- it really meant a lot to share it with such special friends!

Right now I'm sitting on my bed because its the coolest place in the house- tonight was the first night for the wood stove and its fantastic. It is very warm in the living room, and I have had to make sure to continue to drink water and moisturize! Gracie is curled up and is staring at me begging me not to leave town tomorrow. She has witnessed "the BAG" making its way onto the bed to collect all the items I will be needing with me on the latest trip, and has pouted as said bag has made its way by the door. Tomorrow I am getting in the car AGAIN, but going North. I am going to CT...which is a little strange b/c I don't go home much ever these days. But the opportunity to go is here, and I will have a purpose while there so I'm thankful. I have not been to Ridgefield for more then 10 minutes in over 2 years... I am excited to hang out in town and see that random person and reconnect for a moment in conversation.

So tomorrow I will put myself in the Honda, put the IPOD on Shuffle and make my way up and through VA, WV, MD, NJ, NY and into CT...until next time...

The Gap and Rent Laughter

Caroline and I...I heart her.


I just spent under 48 hours visiting Chris and Caroline McGlade in Asheville, North Carolina. I got in my car around noon on Halloween and arrived in the early evening, just in enough time to make it to the Halloween Party I had not anticipated attending. Stops along the way got adjusted and so I arrived at the McGlade house with a flurry of pressure to get a costume together. I came to terms with the fact that I'd arrive unprepared, but ended up pulling off a "Paparazzi" Costume. The party was fun, and I enjoyed meeting some new folks and seeing old Windy Gap favorites.

I spent the morning yesterday taking it easy and running to same favorite spots, and then went out to Windy Gap around 1pm. I was able to catch up with an old summer staff friend, Andrew who did Summer Staff in the Snack Bar the summer of '04 with Tiff Tiff and I. It was great to catch up with him in the store, where he is now working part of his year long internship. The circles we run in with Young Life are not as big as we imagine them to be.

This morning I was treated to a delicious breakfast with Caroline, some shopping, and then got back into the car. I am thankful for the quick visit, and wish it had been longer...BUT now I am HOME. The girls are out of the house right now, so its Gracie and I are just sitting on the couch catching up on "Pushing Daisies" and "Grey's Anatomy" from this past week.

Today in the car I was getting a little bored so I opted to listen to the entire Rent Broadway Original Soundtrack from start to finish. While I was an obsessed fan while in high school and I can't even begin to tell you how many hours I spent blasting the soundtrack, I have not paid much attention to it in years. Today I started off with the beginning, and somewhere in there I was laughing. I knew almost every single word as it played on, and I couldn't believe what memories it brought back of friends that also loved the musical and the times we made the trip from Ridgefield to NYC to view it on the stage. I suppose the greatest thing that came of all of these random thoughts and memories was the fact that I just laughed straight out loud. Laughing for no reason other then myself singing along with great enthusiasm, and laughing just to myself alone in my car at first felt weird, I got a little self conscious. But then...it just got funnier and I was just taken aback by the ability I had to keep myself entertained on my 4 1/2 car ride. It was a great experience.

Laughing. At myself. At the past. At the future. All in the Honda on 81 North today finished off a great trip to North Carolina. And look, now the girls are home and Gracie is whining like its Santa Claus... all in a day.