Oh San Francisco...I how I love thee.
I have been here for one week. I have three days to go, and then I head back home to Virginia. I have mixed feelings about the trip ending...but for right now I'm happy here just hanging out in my Apartment. I have a great view of the city- and a few trees below.
After leaving Vegas I arrived in San Francisco pretty tired. I was able to talk to Theresa for about an hour while sitting in the Union Square park, and it was great to laugh with her...how I miss T!! I took the first few days to just relax and come down from the high that is known: Kari, Jessica, and Kristin TIME! We had such a great time, and I was sad to see them go. The objective for my time here in San Francisco was to be as normal as possible. I have been here before, so I felt like the normal routine touristy things I have already crossed off my list of things to do. And with LA being such a "I've got to go here, here, and here before I leave", I felt like I needed a break from all that.
So what have I been doing? Well I've read a lot. I also took the ferry to Sausalito which was beautiful--and the bay was pleasant to go across, sometimes it can be very cold- but the day I went over it was warm and beautiful. I hung out at The Fishermans Warf, gone to the movies a few times *Hairspray and The Bourne Ultimatum are HIGHLIGHTS*
Missing home has definitely set in while being here in San Francisco. I have been so busy for the past three weeks that I've thought about friends and life there in a warm fuzzy way, being so stimulated by my environments has kept me distracted. I think in knowing I have entered my final destination before VA bound has brought the thoughts of returning to the forefront of my mind again. Being here alone has allowed me to reflect on my month away. I have my top favorite moments, places, conversations, and photos. I'm glad I am already beginning to absorb and process the richness of this experience. I suppose I didn't expect to start that process until being back home again.
A common question I have asked myself is: "What in the world am I going to do with my life? And where am I going to make my future happen?" I can't say I've come to any strong conclusions in my time away, as to be expected more parts of my heart and soul have been inspired--thus leading to more ideas, more options, and more confusion. Everywhere I have been I have looked objectively at their job market, housing market, and general potential life happiness. Doing this has opened my eyes to what I love about my home and life in Virginia, and also the things that I struggle with in my life in Virginia as well. The good and the bad go back and forth- I still feel like my heart is wide open...which is totally the Lord. Now, if we could just get some divine perspective on the changes that'd be great.
The thing about dreaming about the future that is difficult, is you can't help but think back to past dreams and hopes you had all planned for yourself. I have been remembering thoughts, plans, and expectations from my youth and in recent years I have suppressed to be happy in the moment. You sacrifice for the life and purpose you think the Lord wants for you, and you answer the Call He has on your life...but that doesn't mean all the little things you always wanted to do go away. I think I fooled myself into thinking that by choosing Property Staff in 2003 meant that would erase a hope or dream that I didn't do instead. I moved to Virginia with the intense goal of moving to the Ocean, and I found myself on YL Staff four hours away from said Ocean...but I knew thats what the Lord wanted for me then, and I was ok with the sacrifice. While my life was fulfilling and still is where I am, I can see now how different and grand it has been compared to what I would have planned on my own. And thus here I am, with this wide open canvas of whatever I want to do...and I just don't know where to start. So I have taken some time to ask difficult questions about dreams past, and thoughts of a different time...hoping that in there somewhere I will be led to the next adventure of who I am, what my purpose is, and how the Lord will use me.
So, thinking about lots of things here in San Francisco....just sitting at my desk that overlooks some trees and a busy neighborly street--feeling very Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. I can't believe I have three days left here to gal avant before I get myself to the airport on Wednesday. It will be a journey back- I lose the three hours I was given a month ago, and I will be greeted by a very fun friend. Hopefully the transition back will go smoothly, and I won't let myself feel awkward by the circumstances surrounding my absence. Traveling on your own or visiting friends far away from home is an amazing experience, but isolating as well.
Tomorrow--another day. It's going to be a beautiful one here in the Bay Area...wish so much you were here to see it.
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