'Visiting Home'

I made the choice to stop the cycle of 'go go go' and postponed my trip to Saranac this coming week. The packing, moving around, not sleeping in my bed was one thing-but I really started to feel like if I didn't get myself home for an extended amount of time, I would never be there, and I would move without giving post property staff Lexington a chance. Does that even make sense? I have been stimulated, inspired, and motivated by every place so it has been difficult to discern what the Lord has in mind for me via location. How does one have roots and wings at the same? I think that is nearly impossible. However, I am starting to see how that happens more and more.
Wednesday night dinner out was probably the most special thing to share with the women in my house. We got dressed up and headed out to the Southern Inn, a restaurant here in Lexington. While enjoying cocktails and delicious food we were able to reflect on our time shared in the house and all that awaits us. Jen is in the process of moving out this weekend, as we begin priming and painting the two bedrooms in the transition. For the longest time Theresa and I would speculate on what the fall was going to look like, and now we are here watching all the dreams come into fruition and the sadness that is associated with letting go and seeing your friends move on to their next journey. While seated at dinner I was astounded by the mass creativity the Lord has in planning our lives. Never would I have imagined owning the house here that I would share it with such amazing women. Leaving dinner, there were definitely airs of anxiety knowing that the move was coming. But, coming home we were able to be ourselves and take some hilarious house photos with the three of us and Gracie. It was hysterical and unfortunately not all are able to be posted but they were us…the three of us laughing and trying to get Gracie to obey. It was classic.

Thursday was my Grey’s party…and while I am usually all about catering for such events it turned out being a very collaborative effort. There was laughter and there was great food. Two things could never be in excess. Ok, so my quick review of Greys? The deer was weird, but I liked it. I thought it was funnier then it’s been in a long time, and I am glad that George finally manned up at told Izzie that he loved her, b/c it was just so obvious that he did. McDreamy, be still my heart you got a haircut.

Friday…aww Friday. I had lunch with Amy in Lynchburg and absolutely loved seeing her. Her growth in the Lord and maturity for her age astounds me, and I am so thankful that the Lord has placed her in my life to show me strength, courage, and grace in distress. The day turned into night at the house with Mandy, Joel, Holmes, and T priming the two bedrooms…and it was ridiculously fun. I, being the one who hates to paint was responsible for keeping the beverages going and made food available if need be. The banter was the usual, and the productivity astounding. The priming was in record speed, and we (T and I) were able to enjoy Holmes and Sunshine in conversation on the couch after phase one was completed. Jen arrived home and the girls had some girl time while getting ready for bed, and we laughed. The laughter that has lived in this house brings my heart such joy.

Saturday. This morning I woke up early to make muffins so Jen could take one to work, and for the boys coming over to help T paint. Today is the day of painting for them, and for me thinking through new furniture placement as this transition gets made- and hopefully organizing my closet! We all have dreams. I have pizza on the menu for later, and Jen will be home for dinner…its going to be a great day.

We will all be home tonight, including Mandy who is moving in this weekend. I am excited to share the night with the girls of White Oak Lane, and am looking forward to getting to know Mandy over the next months in this new way: roommates. We’ve been talking about it for a year, and now it’s happening. The Lord is so good to us. He provides for our every need, and when we follow His call: our dreams really do happen. It is in these small ways that I am able to let go of the future and give it to Him, I want what He wants. I want to grow in the ways He sees fit, I want to be still in front of Him, and I want to know that the purpose for everyday is more then reporting to just a job. I am looking for bigger dreams and plans…and as I have returned to Lexington there are moments when I would do just about anything to live in this one dream a bit longer. That making the sacrifices and putting off “k.boo, a boutique” would be ok if it meant I could hold onto this joy. So in praying I try not to bargain with the Creator of the UNIVERSE, and simply just ask for the opportunity to explore, love, be still, productive, and be in His will. So far, I feel like that is what I’ve been able to do, so no complaints here.

Here: Rascal Flatts

Rascal Flatts has a new song called "Here" on their latest album. I really like RF because they always have a great ballad or two on their albums, this newest release is no different. Listening to the words in this song will obviously point to a love story, a relationship between two people in love. However, in riding home it was one of the songs that caught my ear and stirred up some thoughts on what home is for me. I have had a lot of emphasis recently on the newest, latest, brand new plan or thought or idea for my future. But this song reminded me of how I felt when I found my life here in Lexington, Virginia back in '03, and still so many of those thoughts remain. So while I ponder, plan, dream, and dissect what the Lord seeks and desires for me I am left thankful for Here. The right now. The zip code I call home. The place that is more then where I own real estate. It's a place on this earth that has captured my heart.

Through all the heartache, dead ends, and dreams lost along the way- the Lord brought me here, I met Him in a newer, refreshed, more profound way...so as much of a song saluting the past four years and the journey to when it started, its as much a love song about what Christ has done, where He has taken me--so I really connected with it.

Here

There's a place I've been lookin' for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls, and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple of times, even settled down
And I'd hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me

And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That let to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million road I had to take
To get me in your arms this way

In a love I never thought I'd get to get to--here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you...

And I've relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That let to you and got me here, right here...

Part Three: The Ride Home

Panera. Panera was great. I left thankful. Warm and fuzzy. Happy.

In the car on the way back to pick up Tex's truck we had this brilliant idea of going to Uhaul to get a trailer so that we could tow my car behind his pick up so we could hang out in one car instead of following each other back five hours to Virginia. We thought this was a fantastic idea, so much so that I ended up calling Uhaul (which Tex knew the #1-800 WHICH WAS SO RANDOM), got this location of the Uhaul in KY, and the fee. If the fee had been $30 less we would have done it and laughed the entire way home. It's still a great story though...

We made in about 15 minutes on 64East before I remembered that we couldn't get back home without Ale-8 for the troops (more specifically Matt), so we stopped. Did you know that groceries in Kentucky are less expensive then where we live in Virginia? It's true. Also, the Soap Opera Digest covers are a great conversation starter with other folks in your line, or with the check out clerk.

In the travel on the way home, I always get super reflective about what I'm going back to, who I am going to see, where I am going next, etc... well this time I had this visual in front of me leading the way (the joys of a radar detector are amazing when on 64 through West Virginia)- so I had lots of to stimulate thoughts of friends, dinners, my bed and dog- just by looking straight ahead towards someone I knew, someone who I live in community with.

While there are so many highlights to the trip home- I have a few absolute favorites.
1) The Toll Stops: Tex jipping West Virginia 20 cents by accident, and the fact I had him on speaker phone and talking to him about the toll- thus making the teller realize I was talking to him- so paid his shortage. He was kind in returning the favor and paid for me at the next Toll. What a friend.
2) Talking on the phone. The marathon conversations we had, and how it was always apropos when we'd lose service, b/c one of us would be mid-significant thought and would leave the other waiting for the bars to go back up on the phone.
3) Tamarak: I just love stopping there. And I recommend with whole hearted enthusiasm the Raspberry Danish at Starbucks. And pairing that with a Diet Coke and French Fries.

So I am home now. I am sitting at the table, and am just thinking. I feel like I have significantly caught up on my blog, so now all you readers know exactly what was important to me the past four days away. Thanks for joining me here to remember.

Part Two: Summer Staff Memories

I left on Tuesday morning and headed to another Columbus, this one in Indiana, and had lunch with an old friend from summer staff in '03, Brett. It was really fun to catch up, and to be reintroduced to him in a new way, away from the intensity of summer staff and the distance in face book messages. Meeting up with someone I hadn't seen in three years helped affirm what the Lord continues to do in my life, and the great circles that we are all apart of. I left lunch thankful that we were able to take the time out of busy schedules to sit for an hour or two and just talk about where we've been, seen, and what is next on the agenda.

I then went from that very special and random in the most sincere way experience to my other favorite Lexington: the other being in Kentucky. Having spent quite a bit of time there visiting friends the past four years, and just using it as a stopping point in some really fun road trips- I felt comforted by being there. To add to the familiarity I met up with Tex at the Target (folks, I did not go inside Target, I thought you'd be proud of my restraint). While I waited I listened to my play list that I am absolutely obsessed with, and tried to jot down some thoughts in my journal. He drove up smiling and laughing and we sat side by side in our vehicles for a moment, and I just had to scratch my head b/c there we were in Lexington, KY both calling Lexington, VA our home- it was just kind of bizarre. To add to the comedy of life we combined forces and he got in my car and we drove to the other side of town to meet Julie Berg now Michels at Panera. Tex and Julie led YL together while they were in college at UK, and I knew Julie from summer staff (The same one as Brett and I met). Last summer Jules got married- and so Matt and I drove out to KY to attend the nuptuals. While seated at the reception I was formally introduced to Tex in a brand new way "lets listen to Tex talk for 2+ hours and ask a billion questions about Property Staff". I walked away from that wedding with many impressions, and nestled in there was "tex talked to me forever about himself", I remarked this in later months to Julie who would just laugh, and to Tex this summer when he was an intern. Since then things have changed while remaining very true to the initial encounter. He is now on Property Staff at Rockbridge, and now I can honestly say that our friendship is much more balanced then just him talking or asking me for advice.

Sitting in Panera, I was again reminded the circles we run in, how we will ease in and out of each others lives- and thanks to Jesus working in Young Life, we build these very serious and encouraging relationships with people that continue beyond what I had originally thought would happen. When Julie and I were on SS I thought she was fun, outgoing, and that if we lived near eachother we'd be great friends. However, due to the nature of job assignments and the greater responsiblities of SS, we didn't become close friends at all. But in the months following as I built my life in Lexington, VA keeping in touch was natural, and then Matt and I went to visit her the following spring. Since then- there have been drive through visits, dinners, laughs, phone calls, and text messages asking about prayer concerns. When Matt and I were at her wedding last summer, we both felt so warm in being part of such a ceremony with someone neither of us had any reason to know to the extent we did. We didn't grow up with each other, go to school together, live in the same town- but because of the Lord we were able to connect in light of those things and celebrate. So, long story short I love Julie Michels.

Part One Of INDY BOUND

Ok hello Virginia. Back at the house, back sitting at the dining room table- and on my feet Gracie lays curled up on the floor just wanting to be close. It's a great feeling. In the highs and lows of life- and in closeness and in distance, you kind of forget that things can be this simple.

Indianapolis. Wow. It was such a great experience. In all my recent traveling I have flown, so to take a road trip was actually quite fun. I went a little out of the way on Friday and went to Columbus, OH to have lunch with Mark at the Cheesecake Factory. There was something very normal about hanging out with Mark and going to lunch, but also this twinge and twist of nature because we were in Ohio. While the visit didn't last very long, I felt like we were able to catch up and I would hope were a mutual encouragement to each other. I laughed as I drove away listening to the CD he put together for me, and just remembered our summer O chaos/fun at Rockbridge. A CD could not be adequately compiled if it were missing "Umbrella" (which thankfully I now have three versions all on this CD), "Glamorous" which brings back the recent memory of Florida, and "Jesus Take The Wheel", which was our anthem in a lot of ways.

I then hit the road again and made my way to Indy to be with Emily and Perry for the weekend. They got married last December the weekend before Christmas, and I flew in for it from CT where I was spending some pre-holiday time with my Dad. I had never met Perry before, and a quick trip out there the weekend of the wedding was not going to be a great vehicle to get to know him much more then "hey you look great in a Tux, love my friend forever or I'll kill you"! Ha. So in wanting desperately to see Emily, I got this great added bonus of hanging out with her husband--and all in months before their first baby, a son Jude, arrives. A great thing about visiting a friend such as Emily is, it has nothing to do with what you DO. It's just about being together. This was refreshing to me, to be with someone who knows just about everything about me, has shared some really challenging transitions, heartache and grief with--and we can just laugh. Being with Perry was a comfort to my heart, because now he's part of my family too- and I know that there is more to him then the tux and my empty threat of killing him if he ever hurt her. He's a great guy, and I look forward to many years of fun weekends such as this past one.

I went to church with them on Sunday, and my heavens...I absolutely loved it. I felt like the only one in the service and that the whole thing was just about me. While I can be extremely self centered, this time I really felt like it was the Lord and I just hanging out talking about some important issues. From the selection of worship music, to the message the Pastor presented I felt spoken to, guided, challenged, encouraged, and just Loved. Do we move somewhere for the church? While not the newest thought in the modern world, I seriously sat there and wondered about that. I wish I knew the true answer to that question, but in light of the weekend I was left pondering all things Indianapolis.

Soundtrack to Your Life

Thought I'd share my current Playlist on my IPOD which I am completely obsessed with. If you'd like a CD I'll make you one, I think you'd like it.

1) How Far We've Come: Matchbox Twenty
Remember when they were Matchbox 20? I really just like this new single from them.
2) Inconsolable: Backstreet Boys (Ok, I just can't help that one)
3) Breathe In Breathe Out: Mat Kearney
4) This Is My Now: Jordin Sparks
This is my now people, this is my song...
5) Latest Mistake: Mandy Moore
While this is a breakup song and has depth in that realm, there is this line:
"Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away"
my fascination not so much about the first part- but I love the question about how that ever would go away.
6) That's The Way I Remember It: Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines
Ok, so creepy moment that Garth Brooks had during this time, but I freaking love this CD anyway. This song is classic- and as I think back about my life and people I've met, loved, lost touch with-stories both painful and filled with anguish...I love this song for its simple declaration of:
"It never will be that way again
Maybe it wasn't way back when
But to my heart and soul
This is the way the story has to be told"
7) You Move Me: Susan Ashton
A song that I've loved forever and a day, and especially now in this state of unknown future bliss. Garth Brooks has a cover of this song, and while I do like it- there's something about a woman singing it, reflects more of a relationship with Christ, where Garth makes it come off as much more of a love song between two people. While I would love to put the entire song in here, I will put my favorite part:
"You go whistlin in the dark, making light of this, making light of this,
And I follow with my heart, laughing all the way-"
Ok, I'll put more in:
"But you move me, you give me courage I didn't know I had, and you move me-
And I can't go with you and stay where I am, so you move me.
...And it scares me so much, that I just wouldn't budge.
I might have stayed there forever, if not for your touch."
8) Leaving This Life: Lori McKenna (for more reasons than I could every really say)
9) I'm About To Come Alive: Train
When I moved to VA the summer of '03 I loved this song b/c I connected to the excitement of change and the burst of newness, growing, being stretched, and now four years later I've been drawn to the concept of coming alive again.
10) Who Would Have Thought?: Darren Hayes. Just love it.
11) How To Build A Time Machine: Darren Hayes.
Ok, now this is a weird song. But lyrically very smart. At the natural place in the song he sings in light of having said successfully built a Time Machine what he would do:
"All the things I've lost
All the people I've hurt
All the times I lied
All the moments wasted
All I never did
All the dreams I had
All the things I would change
I can change them"
And just love that part, I often will rewind back to it.
12) Slow Dancing In A Burning Room: John Mayer (Who doesn't love this song, even if they don't really like John Mayer?)
13) Confetti: Lori McKenna
"all of the bright colors that lived inside of me
are now just tiny little pieces
of what we used to be
and it just feels like...confetti"
oh yes, we've all felt like confetti from time to time.
14) So Small: Carrie Underwood.
Mountains and grains of sand, having faith, searching for forever was in your hands...my goodness Carrie Underwood you are an American Idol. Haha.
15) Words: Darren Hayes. I like words.
16) Umbrella: Rhianna. B/c its our song. My two boo's...this is us. And at least two out of three prefer the Mandy Moore version.

Flying First Class & Under Your Umbrella

Oh Florida. Home from the trip with the Boo's and currently sitting at my dining room table, looking outside. It's still very green outside, the sun is completely radiant and Gracie is sunbathing at the edge of the driveway. She's so precious.

Today has been productive. I have not left the house yet, its nearing 3:30pm. I have unloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed the common living area, started laundry, unpacked my bag from last weekend, had lunch and now just sitting here. I actually started cleaning my bathroom as well, but it got too futile so I walked away to find distraction. I found it, it usually is at the computer.

Visiting with my mom with friends was fun, she was a fantastic host- we had lots of Diet Coke and food at our disposal, it was wonderful. I never lived in her Florida house, so its always a little weird being there and seeing things that were in the house I grew up in. Not much remains from those years, but the Secretary desk in her bedroom was a very important piece in our old formal living room. I kind of just stood there looking at it remembering where it once lived, back in the day. Among all the rest and relaxation there were exuberant Karaoke moments- singing Moulin Rouge, Glamorous, and Umbrella. We are actually quite good about randomly and simultaneously breaking out in song and dance. We talked about the TV Show we were going to have one day, to store I was going to run that they'd work at, and just this life despite its unknown directions, our intent on staying close and living near each other in the future. Oh, if I could only live everywhere I loved...

Since having returned home, Tuesday was our house dinner and Matt cooked- it was good. It was fun to see my friends, my family here in Lexington. We have grown a bit in size since last spring, but I'm excited to see how the Lord uses our friendship to spur us to closer to Himself. Of course now that I'm home, and switching out my life I am about to go to Indiana for the weekend. I am going to be visiting my dear dear special fabulous friend Emily, whom we have now been friends for over 5 years- my first real true till the end of time friend I didn't grow up with you, or go to school with you, we have a small Jesus coincidence of meeting, best adult friend, I was at your wedding and now that you're pregnant I'm going to love your son, we are in this for life friend Emily. I'm going for a long weekend, which will be just enough to see her and Perry on the weekend days off and enjoy some afternoons bumming around Indianapolis while they are being productive at work. I am psyched. There is something about talking to her on the phone that just makes me feel warm and content, the honesty, encouragement and perspective she shares are really special to me. So, I am going to go see her, because I can.

Since You've Been Home

Home for almost a week now, and now I am putting stuff into piles again, making edits on things I will not wear and will not need on this next trip...and then off to Florida tomorrow at 5:30am.

I will be staying with my Mom and bringing two friends with me, so this should be a very fun trip. In the past I've gone down on my own and enjoyed the fam- but to be able to hang out on the beach, go to the pool, eat great food- and SHARE it with friends will be very fun.

Since having been in Virginia I have tried to regulate my sleeping schedule and be open to hanging out with people. Yes, the hanging out with people should come naturally to the extrovert that I am-but in times of transition I tend to clam up a little bit. With some of the crew having been out of town this weekend I was able to get back into the groove with a smaller group, and have some truly great conversations. I am thankful that despite the length of time in between Theresa and I's chats- that we could pick up again and sit on the porch for a few hours dissecting our lives to each other and bond over a trip to Walmart. These are the small tokens in the bigger picture that mean something truly to my heart.

I am currently at The Daily Grind, a coffee shop in downtown Lexington. It's comforting to watch the cars drive by, and sip the beverage of choice and to peruse the internet. I have caught up on Facebook news, and as the perpetual traveler, have scoped out the fares on the next trip. Today I drove to Roanoke to have lunch with Mary and to pick up Holmes from the airport. Lunch was sucessful, picking up Dave not so much. He took advantage of getting bumped off a flight and now is coming in at 11pm...which was fine by me- so I came home. I contemplated a movie, shopping, and wasting time in the Noke, but decided to return to Lex and enjoy the afternoon with the view of the street and people walking by from the Grind. It's been nice- I've also procrastinated by not returning to my house to do laundry, pick up the tornado mess I put in motion upon my return home last week, and pack for tomorrow...oh procrastination.

Nothing else worth noting- have had some great conversations, intense laughter with Mark, snuggled with Gracie, and organized my room! All in all, a good time. ;o)

Pittsburgh

Yes, I am sitting in the Pittsburgh airport trying to keep my brain occupied on anything but the fact I'm delayed. I have been traveling now for about 9 hours all toll- with the drive to the airport, being 2 hours early, flying, landing, sitting, wanting to pull my hair out. The best part about this is knowing that on the other end of this delayed flight wait two very great friends. I originally had planned to leave my car in Richmond and drive myself back. Despite my residual social anxiety, I am glad that I get to share a 2 hour car ride with Mark, and am prepared for the intense laughter that will fill his automobile.

Next to me sits a man, also trying not to focus on the delay, listening to his IPOD Nano, bopping his old little bald head--and his phone had started to ring. It's the most obnoxious circus freak show sounding ringer, and he can't hear it. Today has been the day of me being aware of situations that needed attention to complete strangers. For example: in my airport shuttle a couple needed help figuring out how to get from the airport terminal to the rental car place, i gave them complete instructions followed up with arm motions (no pointing here), when arriving. When they still struggled, I again, followed up with them on what they were doing. Then when inside, a check in kiosk was available at SFO and people in line weren't moving to use it. I was soo frustrated so I spoke up: "Hey that one is open", the Korean couple shuffled their feet along and couldn't find what I was talking about. I was like "dude, its right there- you are standing in front of it". Ok, while on the airplane the passenger on my right couldn't stop snoring and people would turn around and look at me like I was his daughter or something, I smiled "haha, no I don't know him", but would elbow him secretly to stir his attention and stop snoring. The list does go on, but I will leave those three as my highlights.

I am to be seated in 1A when I finally get on this plane, which will be great b/c it means I will be the first very special passenger to exit the plane. This will be great. So I'm almost home, I'm almost in my friends car, I'm almost ready to get this airport thing done with. I am almost a lot of things. Ready or not though, the plane is going to come and I will be getting on it! holla!.

Pacific Standard Time

It is a gorgeous night in San Francisco. It has cooled down a to crisp 60 degrees and I am sad to see this mild weather go. Tonight I asked Mark how the weather was in VA, he said good--I went to weather channel.com and read the high 80 and low 90's on the forecast...I freaked out for a second. I have definitely become used to not only the weather here in the Bay, but also wearing my jeans and sweatshirts. I struggle with wardrobe changes sometimes!

Today I headed out the door pre-lunch time to explore the city on this final day. I went down to the wharf, had lunch, and went up to the Golden Gate to take photos and enjoy its splendor. I also ran miscellaneous errands at the post office and such- and treated myself to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. This is perhaps where my emotional state of the day was most comprised, as I had the loveliest meal with Tony at the bar. In town on business, Tony is an investment banker with Sun Trust out of Atlanta, and he grew up in CT about 40 minutes from where I grew up. I liked this man, he was attractive, smart, and thought I was hilarious (all bonuses). Tony and I also shared the first significant conversation I have had in days, so it was nice to talk about my life- his life- the weather- the different cultures in the North and South to East to West...it was fabulous.

I came back to the apartment and starting the perfected practice of....da da dum: packing. Things back into little piles making their way into the suitcase, thinking about what I need in the morning, what I don't need tonight... the list and process could fill up most of this blog entry.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in until about 8:30am, and then I begin the process of getting on the shuttle to the airport, checking in, finding my gate, and avoiding small talk with any passengers sitting next to me. Yes, I Kari Burgess, do not like making small talk on an airplane. I can make small talk just about ANYWHERE, I do so with much joy and stimulation. However, on a plane, in the cramped space--I feel like my boisterous laugh and contagious chattiness gets me into conversation situations I don't like. People start asking where are you from? what do you do? how long have you been away from home? and before you know it, one little conversation just meant to be shared between you and the person seating in seat B has instantly been shared with an entire flight full of other passengers who really don't care about the circumstances that has led you to be on the same flight as them. I would be delighted if tomorrow if I could escape any such conversation on either of my flights back East.

Oh tomorrow. I land at 9:52pm EST. I get to see Mark and BC two of my absolute favorite people (go us: we're going to Thailand together!), and then home. I should hit my door step sometime after midnight, so I expect it to be dark and Gracie to be freaking out all over the place. I will probably look at all of my mail, be mad at myself for not putting new sheets on my bed before leaving, and then try as I may to get to sleep sometime before 3am. It will be a challenge adjusting to the time difference...I am praying it goes smoothly. Despite all my nervous energy and anxiety I am thrilled to be going home. I will be returning to something of my own, my own bed, my own bathroom, the sweatshirt I've missed in the month away, and my favorite pajamas. I am in many ways returning to my very own Kari Land in Virginia. It will be splendid.

I have enjoyed this place and this time. I saw some really fun things, like today this kid begging the parking police dude not to give him a ticket, he had his hands together beginning (it looked like he was praying to his Buddha), just asking for the officer to let him go. I saw a family touring the wharf and at a stop their son fall asleep on the table. They took photos of him, and laughed at him with their English accents...I wanted to mock them. I held back.

I have met great folks like Tony at dinner tonight, Michael at the salon in Vegas, and Maria at the pool at the Green Valley Ranch. I have had comments and questions made in regards to my future life plans from complete strangers I have met along the way. I've been obsessed with some random foods: Oreo's, Baklava, Taquito's, Reuben sandwiches, and Onion Rings. I don't know why the fascination but oh well.

I have not called home enough, but have sent more postcards in the past 4 1/2 weeks then I have in my entire life. I have tried to remember everyone, I am sure with passable success. I have resisted purchasing every last souvenir item I have deemed cute, or that someone I knew would appreciate. I stayed very true to my itinerary, and listened to myself when I felt it was time to move onto the next thing. I have been generally positive, and when people have been dumb or inpatient around me- I have seen my reflection in them of times I was quick to judge or criticize customer service I deemed mediocre.

I have maintained my emotional integrity. I have talked to people I've met along the way about Young Life and the work I did there, and how I am praying that the Lord would continue to show me the way. I have been open about not having a plan, being ok with not having a plan despite my draw in a conservative secular way to be productive. I have been really moved by the homeless population in the cities I've visited, most specifically San Francisco. I struggle with having more then enough, for liking nice things, when I see folks in wheelchairs, sleeping on the street, or just begging for money. I've resisted wanting to save them all thinking that would matter- and despite my desire to look away because it would be easier... I have looked at each man and woman in the eye and tried to smile as I've walked by.

And that's it in a nutshell.
See y'all soon.

The Rock

Tonight was my Sunset Cruise on the Bay and onto Alcatraz...it was really beautiful. What drew me to this tour was not my love for the old Federal Prison, well perhaps partially. I really wanted to get on the water in the evening to catch the view of the sun setting over the Golden Gate and to see San Francisco sparkle in the night sky.

Tomorrow is my last day in the city... I have a miscellaneous errand to run at the Post Office, but for the most part my day is wide open. I am not sure what my day will look like, it would be a wise idea to get my stuff collected and packed before too late in the day, I hate that list minute scramble. THANKFULLY much of what I originally packed a month ago, I have shipped home from LA and Las Vegas over the past few weeks. While shopping was not in excess by any means, I had clothes that I needed for certain things and didn't any longer, books I had completed, and anything else I either hadn't used since being out here or didn't have a use for while in San Francisco. Opening those boxes will be fun when I get back, I threw such random crap in them!

Today I have been obsessed with Oreos. Down the street from my beloved apartment is a Walgreens with random groceries and other sundries. Upon my arrival more than a week I go, I went there to get Diet Coke, Easy Mac, milk, english muffins...and Oreos. I don't know what possessed me to purchase the delectable cookies; as I avoid eating them while at home. I had three cookies for breakfast today, and now I just had three more while writing this and watching the JT concert on HBO...oh JT how I love thee in your three piece suit.

Anyway, much lighter topic today. I just wanted to get in the habit of writing each night while I can... tomorrow and then HOME. I can't believe it. I'll be home exactly one week before I go to Florida for a long weekend.

In A New York Minute

Today has been a good day. A refreshing one, one that most reflects myself at home. I am having a kind of New York moment right now. I am sitting next to a fountain in a park and all around me the city watches. From my view I can see the high rise Condo's, office buildings and nestled in between all of them: a red brick historic church. It kind of looks like it has been there for centuries and has claimed its space among all the changes that have happened among and around it.

I expected in going into this time in California that I would have good days, and have hard days. I did not know how frequent or difficult they would range, but I did not consider myself naive in projecting what the emotional journey would look like. Sometimes we get very caught up in what we want to project to our crowd of witnesses, that we neglect the truest moments and things about living. We are drawn to rawness, chaos, stillness and beauty. We would always chose in our hearts something real that has value in being full of challenge or joy. My relationships are better when I'm honest, when I am forgiving and when I am who I really am, without distraction or hidden agenda...my relationships are a truer example of Christ when I am more focused on Him and how I am growing through the changes and challenges with Him.

I do not know why I have been unable to be vulnerable in all moments associated in being away. I have struggled with how to articulate my experience, what I am doing, what I've seen- more than just surface things...and in turn have let myself feel isolated by my own life. I found the highs and lows to be refreshing bursts of light that have been so amazing I have not been able to squint or look away. I am still amazing by my adventure and have looked around my surroundings and wondered to a profound silence, "My goodness, is this my life? How did I end up being so lucky?"

When the voices of silent judgement cease and I am not longer consumed with my doubts and questions I have felt the truest Grace in my relationship with the Lord and with myself. I have had the intense privilege the past four weeks to have seen countless sunsets over the Pacific Ocean and various city sky lines. I have made friends on planes, in Starbucks, and pool side. I have been able to quiet the voice of obligation and stress of productivity and wake up everyday and do whatever it is I want. I have felt the wonder of a child as I have discovered someplace new. I have felt the discouragement in not being able to locate a destination when using Google maps as a guide. I have longed for my dog on more occasions than I care to admit. I have tried to forget friendships and relationships a far because their physical absence was just a little too raw. I have tried to communicate what my absolute needs are to myself- which has prevented me from shopping too much. I have been able to sit by the pool for seven hours with nothing else to do than swim and read a book in one sitting. I have resisted picking up the phone and calling someone to share a moment every time I smiled or laughed. I learned that I can be by myself for the longest stretch of time ever- and be content.

I have found ways to include friends in subtle and in practical routine moments in my everyday life away from home. Like, when at a used music store looking at old records for a friend that he might use to decorate his room in his new place.
When ordering something at a restaurant- I sometimes think about what a particular friend would order if present, and I chose what I think he would. He would be upset if we ordered the same thing if he were there anyway.
When, watching a heinously funny movie or reading something ridiculous I imagine someone there laughing at the same things at the same time- and then quoting (or singing) it to each other with fits of giggles for days on end.
When, I find myself losing my focus or getting obsessed with a particular detail or situation I think of her sitting there with me and listening to my every segway, for expressing her empathy through tears like mine, for every movie we attempted to watch but talked instead.
Countless more moments have woven there to here and back again. From the infrequent phone conversations I have been able to rely on the memory of a voice- and the faces that give birth to their thoughts and laughter. If I had a penny for every time a thought crossed my heart in reference to any one of you or something we have shared, I could afford the moon and the stars. This time away has encouraged me to to continue to dream outside the box... and the friends that are my family have been there for each place and each moment.

I have been sitting here in this park for about an hour. The sun has slid behind the city sky scrapers, children are playing in the fountain- and I am kept warm by the stone bench that has absorbed the sun's attention all day. Today is Sunday, and it has been a great day. Tomorrow I have a reservation for a sunset cruise on the Bay, under the Golden Gate Bridge and onto Alcatraz. Tuesday is my last full day here, and I do not have a specific plan. The weather is supposed to take a cooler turn- while the skies still sunny and clear. Whatever happens- its going to be fabulous.

San Francisco Treat

Oh San Francisco...I how I love thee.

I have been here for one week. I have three days to go, and then I head back home to Virginia. I have mixed feelings about the trip ending...but for right now I'm happy here just hanging out in my Apartment. I have a great view of the city- and a few trees below.

After leaving Vegas I arrived in San Francisco pretty tired. I was able to talk to Theresa for about an hour while sitting in the Union Square park, and it was great to laugh with her...how I miss T!! I took the first few days to just relax and come down from the high that is known: Kari, Jessica, and Kristin TIME! We had such a great time, and I was sad to see them go. The objective for my time here in San Francisco was to be as normal as possible. I have been here before, so I felt like the normal routine touristy things I have already crossed off my list of things to do. And with LA being such a "I've got to go here, here, and here before I leave", I felt like I needed a break from all that.

So what have I been doing? Well I've read a lot. I also took the ferry to Sausalito which was beautiful--and the bay was pleasant to go across, sometimes it can be very cold- but the day I went over it was warm and beautiful. I hung out at The Fishermans Warf, gone to the movies a few times *Hairspray and The Bourne Ultimatum are HIGHLIGHTS*

Missing home has definitely set in while being here in San Francisco. I have been so busy for the past three weeks that I've thought about friends and life there in a warm fuzzy way, being so stimulated by my environments has kept me distracted. I think in knowing I have entered my final destination before VA bound has brought the thoughts of returning to the forefront of my mind again. Being here alone has allowed me to reflect on my month away. I have my top favorite moments, places, conversations, and photos. I'm glad I am already beginning to absorb and process the richness of this experience. I suppose I didn't expect to start that process until being back home again.

A common question I have asked myself is: "What in the world am I going to do with my life? And where am I going to make my future happen?" I can't say I've come to any strong conclusions in my time away, as to be expected more parts of my heart and soul have been inspired--thus leading to more ideas, more options, and more confusion. Everywhere I have been I have looked objectively at their job market, housing market, and general potential life happiness. Doing this has opened my eyes to what I love about my home and life in Virginia, and also the things that I struggle with in my life in Virginia as well. The good and the bad go back and forth- I still feel like my heart is wide open...which is totally the Lord. Now, if we could just get some divine perspective on the changes that'd be great.

The thing about dreaming about the future that is difficult, is you can't help but think back to past dreams and hopes you had all planned for yourself. I have been remembering thoughts, plans, and expectations from my youth and in recent years I have suppressed to be happy in the moment. You sacrifice for the life and purpose you think the Lord wants for you, and you answer the Call He has on your life...but that doesn't mean all the little things you always wanted to do go away. I think I fooled myself into thinking that by choosing Property Staff in 2003 meant that would erase a hope or dream that I didn't do instead. I moved to Virginia with the intense goal of moving to the Ocean, and I found myself on YL Staff four hours away from said Ocean...but I knew thats what the Lord wanted for me then, and I was ok with the sacrifice. While my life was fulfilling and still is where I am, I can see now how different and grand it has been compared to what I would have planned on my own. And thus here I am, with this wide open canvas of whatever I want to do...and I just don't know where to start. So I have taken some time to ask difficult questions about dreams past, and thoughts of a different time...hoping that in there somewhere I will be led to the next adventure of who I am, what my purpose is, and how the Lord will use me.

So, thinking about lots of things here in San Francisco....just sitting at my desk that overlooks some trees and a busy neighborly street--feeling very Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. I can't believe I have three days left here to gal avant before I get myself to the airport on Wednesday. It will be a journey back- I lose the three hours I was given a month ago, and I will be greeted by a very fun friend. Hopefully the transition back will go smoothly, and I won't let myself feel awkward by the circumstances surrounding my absence. Traveling on your own or visiting friends far away from home is an amazing experience, but isolating as well.

Tomorrow--another day. It's going to be a beautiful one here in the Bay Area...wish so much you were here to see it.

Still Recounting from Days Past

So, Vegas was absolutely ridiculous. I loved loved being there with friends, almost as much as I have loved my solo experiences. We didn't do the whole tour of the strip each day, which was really cool- we hung out at the pool during the day, got a cabana one day which was amazing- went to lunch, shopped, etc...but really stayed close to the part of the strip TI was on.

The Freemont Street Experience was a highlight, it is where I played blackjack at a table for the first time! I did really well- and got Jessica and Kristin to join in on the fun. Also a bonus to playing at a table, the complimentary margarita just for playing. I ended up walking away even to what I bet, but the fun of the hour was great.

Kristin and I had hair appts. for 9:30am, which was a little earlier then I normally would have liked, but it ended up being perfect. Kristin got her hair cut off! She looked so great, and clearly was enjoying the shorter do- she had a perma grin all day, it was awesome. I visited Justus who had since my last visit moved from the Venetian to Caesars Palace. We caught up for an hour- I took suggestions and ended up with something completely different then I normally would have picked out for myself. I went back later in the day to get the finishing touches, and honestly- the hair day was one of my most favorite days in this journey away from home. I love him, and he has since gotten married to his love that I have heard so much about--and is so happy. He remembered me telling him about camp, and I told him all about my travels- I feel like we're friends. This is the first stylist I genuinely 'dish' to, and feel like we're friends!

From Wayne Brady Show, Celine, Dinner with Hatcher- shopping, haircuts, tanning in the HOT sunshine...we had a blast. I was so sad to see them go!

Catching Up From: Las Vegas

From 8/21

Today I did exactly what I set out to do. I woke up, and got myself to the pool with breakfast in arm by 9am. I sat out at the large pool until about noon, had lunch inside the Whiskey Bar and then returned to my chair to read for awhile longer.

When I've visited Vegas in the past I've stayed on 'The Strip', but this time I decided to spend two nights at The Green Valley Ranch which is in Henderson, NV, minutes outside of Vegas itself. I love the Resort- it's a great bargain to boot. The hotel itself has complimentary Valet Parking (which I am a huge fan of), maid service twice daily, poolside food and cocktail service...oh the list goes on. I have loved it, and it has been great to get out of LA and just hang out at the pool for two days before Jessica and Kristin show up, which will have us all staying at Treasure Island.

THE GIRLS HAVE ARRIVED! Talk about a blast having such fun girls to hang out with in this spectacular city. I love it here, which is so weird because its called Sin City, and I don't really like to gamble, or drink excessively, or the sex appeal part...there's just something about this place that I can't describe. I have referred to it as my special relaxation place--somewhere I can go, shop, go out to eat, hang out at the pool, and of course visit my favorite Hair Stylist in the WORLD: Justus. I love him, and I get to see him in a few days! WAHOO.

Playing Catch Up

From 8/18/07...

People watching my be my favorite thing. I haven't had a lengthy conversation all day- its been really different. I dressed and headed out the door at my usual time 10am...feels like a good point in the morning to welcome in the general population.

I sought out to find the Farmers Market, and according to my directions I wasn't going to be successful. When I finally turned around once or twice I ran into it...it was such a relief. I was getting frustrated not knowing where I was, or anything else for the matter. I bopped around there for a little bit and enjoyed the offerings of prepared food and gift items. I went from there to the Museum of Tolerance, which unfortunately was going under some extensive renovations. I had to go through security twice, have the trunk in my car checked, metal detector for myself and my bag...I suppose for a Museum it seemed a little much, but being the topic was Tolerance and featured speakers focusing on the topic of hate crimes--the security is justified.

The Museum itself was a little cheesy, due to the fact so much of it I couldn't access because of the renovations. What was stellar though were two people that I was able to hear speak. One was a Holocaust Survivor, and he had an amazing story about his unimaginable experience in the concentration camps to how he ended up in America. After him I was able to hear a former skin head rebel speak about his transformation from being such a hateful and violent man, into the compassionate person he is today. He was actually a guest on the Oprah show, and I saw him on there (thanks TIVO), and it was interesting to hear him speak so candidly about his past violent crime life, and his current struggle with trying to figure out where he fits in society at large.

My absolute highlight of the day however was my visit to The Getty Museum. My goodness, the most breathtaking view of the city are up there. The architecture of the Getty itself was astounding, and I sat for a long while outside just writing while enjoying a Diet Coke. I was able to walk through some exhibitions, and take in some culture- but for me it was much more about the gardens, the view, and the gorgeous weather.

I am in LA for two more days and then I head out to Las Vegas for the 4th exciting part of my time away from home. ;o)