A Choice.

I just finished watching Felicity. I sort of procrastinated the end after flying through the first 3 1/2 seasons, then I slowed down. I wanted to delay the consequential ending. I keep thinking about one thing she said to Ben about how their relationship wasn't working. No doubt they both cared about each other. And no doubt that they desired to be in each other's lives. While not an exact quote, it went something like this: "You know who I am, and you pursued me. You want something with me. But you aren't strong enough to have it. And, that makes you a coward." The words were taken out of my heart. I've not been able to let go of the phrasing since. What I love about the last season is that magnetic pull I have to something about where she was when it was finished. Having to let go of something, er someone... to be able to fully embrace what she chose. Who she was going to love. Who she was going to be loved by. Her family of hilarious friends truly reminded me of characters I know and love in my own life. I think I really should write a sit com pilot based on some of our relationships/dynamics.

I woke up on Saturday morning from a strange dream in which I was in one of the final episodes of Felicity. When I woke up, I did not remember much of it. Just how it felt. Then Courtney woke up and I was able to start talking about it more. I was able to piece together who each person was- some consistent people, and some new. Some that I was able to do what I deemed the impossible, and let go. Some that I think I might be in the process of meeting right now. Some people- who have been there the whole time.

Mostly. I could identify in the reality of the morning with the fictional dose of a dream, that we love based on a feeling, on a calling, on a desire, attraction, chemistry, on friendship, on discipline, on grace, and especially on forgiveness. But we also choose it.

We choose to see past things in love- that without its presence would never tolerate.

We choose to laugh again after a long absence with hope that we would never initiate on our own.

We exude joy when we choose to believe in the power of love. The power that love has on, in, and through us. God is just that mighty. As the epitome of being, providing, bestowing, giving, and even times take away to replace with a new truth... for God, His love was a choice too. It was a son. Born. To a virgin- eons ago. His choice was to provide, the way, the truth, and the light so that even if we didn't choose it, acknowledge it, accept it, or trust it- the opportunity was always waiting. Right next to our free will. Which. Because he's God and that is amazing... He gave us out of His choice too. Because His love is endless. His love does not birth pain, jealousy, or hurt. His love births truth, light, hope, peace, forgiveness... so that our sin can find redemption. When we choose to see it. Touch it. Know it. Accept it. Live it. Grip it with both hands- while simultaneously letting go with our spirits.

I choose to love Gracie. I adopted and rescued her from the SPCA. She has proven to be THE BIGGEST and BEST rescue mission I've ever executed.

I choose to love my Family. They are mine. And I am theirs. We belong to each other in a hodge podge of miscellaneous unions and circumstances. But those kids. They belong to me. I belong to them. It is a choice to not take them for granted. To call them. To visit them. To open doors to a home to provide a safe place... for an undisclosed amount of time.

I choose to love my best friends. I choose to jump over the hurdles that come with time, distance, space, and the details of life. I choose to jump because I know that they are jumping and running along side me. Sometimes they lead and I am so far behind I can only make out their shadows of movement. Sometimes we grab each others hands, and hold tightly onto the promises our hearts whisper in the unspoken moment between pure, deep, unconditional love. I choose them, and they've chosen me. The truest ones have never let me go. Best ones have come and gone, and new ones enter the story at the most perfect time. But when I think of endless time, endless laughter I think of Matt and Mandy almost simultaneously. The list behind them is blessed. With decades shared between us, and some just a fraction of time. The beginning of those sort of friendships... are the magical memory makers .

Moving to a new place you tend to think of people you knew in previous lives. You think back to elementary school, and then through all the years following. It's scary and comforting all at the same time. And you can't help but wonder who is coming.

Love is a choice. Sometimes we make the right choice. Sometimes we don't. The best and most we can hope for, is that we treat others with respect. With grace. With tenderness. Honesty. And compassion. It's not always easy.

But.

The choice.

Is always worth it.

Choose to love someone today.

With intention.

With gestures of kindness.

With love letters of appreciation and tenderness.

Love.

Big.

It is in effect. The best choice to make in the day.